Frankie: Wow. That cop came out of nowhere.
Mike: Illegal U-turn. You know, if we gave you an allowance, this would be coming out of it. You're gonna have to go over that bridge sometime, Brick. This is getting silly.
Brick: It's not silly, and I'm not going over the bridge.
Mike: Well, maybe you won't be having dinner tonight. How silly is that?
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: You're right. Too silly. Go to your room instead.
Brick: Fine. I like my room. I feel safe there.
Mike: Yeah? Well, maybe I'll build a bridge in front of it, and you'll never feel safe again!
Frankie: Mike!
Mike: Sorry. I'm- I'm fed up with this crap. I spent 120 bucks this week on the way to the mall.

Sue: Mom, may I please see you in my room, please? It's a matter of life or death. Look at this.
Frankie: Okay.
Sue: I need a new bathing suit. Ugh! Mom, you just don't get it.
Frankie: Well, no, I don't get it. It looks like you have a bunch of perfectly good suits right here.
Sue: Mom, this is not for running through the sprinkler in the backyard. This is for the public pool! Do these look like public pool suits to you?
Frankie: Honey, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?
Sue: What?! I am not overreacting! This is huge! [Mike walks by Sue's room and quickly turns back] So huge!
Frankie: Sue, calm down. What is the real is Sue here?
Sue: Everybody's gonna have a two-piece.
Frankie: Okay, so we'll get you a two-piece.
Sue: Ugh! Mom, you just don't get it!
Frankie: Sue, I said yes.
Sue: Oh. Oh, okay. Well, could you give me some privacy then?

Frankie: I'm tellin' ya, he paints a vivid picture. I'm not even sure I want to go over that bridge anymore.
Mike: Hmm.
Frankie: What? What was that?
Mike: No, it's okay. I'm not surprised you couldn't get the job done. It's what I expected.
Frankie: What?
Mike: You're not a closer. You don't have the stuff. Admit it. You shy away from conflict.
Frankie: What are you talking about? I live in conflict. I'm the mayor of conflict!
Mike: No, you're not. Face it. You back down when things get tough.
Frankie: I do not back... Well, okay, maybe I do.

Frankie: So what flavor did you get?
Mike: I don't remember. Tastes like failure.
Frankie: Looks like the mayor and the closer are running Sucktown together.
Mike: I don't get it. Why bridges? Where does that fear even come from?
[flashback:]
Frankie: I'm pressing the button, but it's not bringing up the parental controls.
Mike: Okay. Well, maybe you're pressing the wrong button.
Frankie: I'm not pressing the wrong button. Where are you on the page here? Let's see.
[as Frankie and Mike bicker over the remote control, a young Brick looks up from his book and sees "When Bridges Collapse!" on the TV]
[present:]
Frankie: Who knows? Sometimes these things are just random. It's not like it's our fault.

Mike: So that's it then? That's who we are now? We're just weak parents who let our kid win?
Frankie: Or... Maybe we won.
Mike: How do you figure?
Frankie: Well, obviously what this proves is that we're parents who raised a confident and independent young man who thinks for himself and trusts his own instincts.
Mike: Well, that is true. You're right. When you think about it, what we did is raise a leader.
Frankie: We really did.
Mike: In fact, I can't believe what a success this whole thing has been.
Frankie: He's an amazing kid.
Mike: Frankly, I'm a little disappointed in the other two.
Frankie: So will you agree we're giving up on the bridge?
Mike: Why would we go back? We won.

Frankie: You actually beat Sean?
Axl: Yeah, he stayed up studying for our geometry final, and I completely ignored it and just studied the lifeguard stuff, and I thought he was supposed to be smart! Sucker! [chuckles] Also, I might've bit him.

Frankie: [v.o.] So the most important day of Sue's life, the opening of the community pool, had finally arrived, and she and Carly were ready.
Carly: Are you ready?
Sue: So ready. Let's do it. I can't believe I'm wearing a two-piece.
Carly: Me neither. You look so hot.
Sue: No, you look so hot.
Frankie: [v.o.] An hour later they were even hotter, 'cause they still wouldn't take off their t-shirts.
Frankie: Sue, we spent a whole day shopping for that suit. Aren't you gonna let anybody see it?
Sue: Mom, you just don't get it!
Carly: My mom doesn't get it, either.

Nancy: Beautiful day, huh?
Frankie: Yeah, it is.
Nancy: You going in?
Frankie: Oh, I forgot my suit. You?
Nancy: Forgot my suit, too. Listen, I just want you to know, there are no hard feelings about Axl getting the lifeguard job over Sean. Sean's gonna be a page for a state senator, so I don't know how he was thinking he was gonna do it all anyway. Plus I think he was in it just for the girls.
Frankie: Oh, well, Axl's in it to save lives, but...

Frankie: Okay, Brick. You can do this. Just close your eyes, smell that $20, and before you know it, we'll be across the bridge.
Brick: Okay, but you may want to roll down your window. It'll be a lot easier now than when we're underwater.
[As Mike drives forward, Brick closes his eyes and starts to hyperventilate.]
Sue: Stop!
Mike: Frankie, he's gonna have to do it sometime.
Frankie: I know, but look at him. Look how nervous he is. There's more relaxed people in electric chairs.
Mike: He'll be fine. My dad would've thrown me in the car, floored it, and never looked back. [the car starts crawling forward]
Frankie: Oh, yeah, right, and you had the best relationship with your dad. The man nicknamed his belt "The Enforcer."
Mike: He never actually used it. It was the threat of it that kept us in line.
Frankie: Is that the kind of parent that you want to be? You know, this is just like Sue and the binky. You ripped it out of her mouth and threw it in the trash!
Mike: And then you got her another one. [the car crosses onto the bridge]
Sue: I did not buy another one! I pulled it out of the trash and gave it back to her!
Mike: Whatever. The point is, she sucked on it till she was 6, and now she's in braces.
Frankie: Oh, okay, so now it's all my fault. I'm sorry that I'm a mother that likes to comfort her children!
Mike: Uh, I think the word you're looking for is "coddle."
Frankie: Okay, you know what? Why don't we- Wait. Mike, we crossed the bridge!
Mike: We did?
Frankie: We did it! Brick, you made it!
[When Mike and Frankie look back, the seat is empty except for the $20. Brick waves to them from the other side of the bridge.]
Brick: Sorry! Couldn't do it!
Mike: Well, what do you think? Should we have kids?
Frankie: Probably not. I don't think we'd be very good at it.

Frankie: [v.o.] And six months later, for no particular reason, Brick decided he was ready to cross the bridge.
Frankie: [all cheer] You did it! Whoo! Okay, so you ready to try it in the car?
Brick: Oh, no. I'll never cross it in the car. I'll just get out and walk whenever we get to a bridge.
Mike: Not really shaving a lot of time off the commute then, are we?
Frankie: It's progress.
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep. Sometimes quitting can be the best form of parenting. If you want to raise a leader...You know what? I'm not giving this away for free. It's all gonna be in my book.