Devin: Yeah! There you go! Choke it down, my friend. And make sure you finish all those turkey chunks. Those babies are filled with protein. Come on. There you go.

Darrin: I think I fixed everything, Sue.
Sue: What did you do?
Darrin: I ate the turkey and your dad didn't get any. Remember?
Sue: I meant, what did you do to fix it?
Darrin: Oh. I told them it was your dad's birthday, even though it's not, and they're gonna bring over a cake and sing to him.
Sue: Wait. What?
Darrin: We do it in our family all the time. It's hilarious. No one can stay mad when strangers are singing to them.

Darrin: I don't get it. Does your dad not like cake?
Sue: No, Darrin, he does not like cake, he does not like being embarrassed, and he does not like you!
Darrin: Your dad doesn't like me?
Sue: No... Darrin. B-but he should. Dad, I know Darrin isn't perfect, but Cindy ate a whole wedge of cheese, and Brick spent the whole dinner playing an arcade game, and Axl's being rude to Mom's hair person's cousin's niece's daughter. And none of this would've happened if we could've just had Thanksgiving at home, like God intended it to be!
Mike: You know what? Home sounds like a good idea right now.
Axl: My God, Sue. Thanks to you, now we got to go home, and I haven't even had a chance to make my Mex-Italian meat sundae!

Darrin: Mr. Heck, sir...
Mike: Darrin, listen. I don't dislike you. All in all, you're a pretty good guy. I'm just not gonna like anyone... anyone who's looking to take away my daughter. It makes me grumpy. You can understand that, right?
Darrin: Yes, sir. But I'll try to be better anyway.
Mike: Good plan.

Frankie: [v.o.] I guess I was feeling sorry for myself. For the first time in my life, I was thinking maybe I didn't have anything to be thankful for. The last few months with two jobs, no dining-room table, a floor sink, having Thanksgiving in a restaurant, like a bunch of losers... it all just washed over me, and I was done. Done trying to make everything fine for... [Frankie is hit by a snow ball]
Frankie: Are you kidding me? You are... You are so gonna get it. [throws a snowball back at Mike] Watch out. Here it comes. Whoo! Yeah, baby!

Devin: Thanks for the ride.
Axl: My pleasure. And, uh, just so you know, I don't have a girlfriend.
Devin: You don't?
Axl: Well, I did. But, uh... She... Died.
Devin: Really?
Axl: Yeah. Got the text during dinner, so...
Devin: Wow. So sudden.
Axl: Mm. Well, not really. She was in a coma. Truth is, we weren't really that close.
Devin: You weren't really that close to your girlfriend?
Axl: D... I mean, eh... We both knew before the coma it wasn't working out. Um, her last words to me were, uh, "Move on. Be happy. Find someone else." We didn't know at the time those were her last words, but, uh, still pretty poetic.
Devin: Wow.
Axl: Yeah.
[Devin leans in... and grabs her bag from the backseat]
Devin: Good luck with that.
Axl: Thank you. Happy thanksgiv... [door closes]