Devin: So, are we going right to the restaurant, or are we stopping at your house first?!
Axl: [turns music down] What?
Devin: I was just wondering... are we going straight to the King's Feast, or are we stopping at your house first?
Axl: Uh, no, we will not be stopping at my house first. Nice try.
Devin: Well, out of respect for the King, I better get out of my hoop clothes. Okay. [starts undressing] Can't forget my seat belt. Safety first. Could've sworn I had a bag of Funyuns in here. I always travel with Funyuns.
They're like fun onions. They're Funyuns! Ooh! Bingo!
Axl: You do realize we're eating dinner in like less than an hour, right?
Devin: Okay, Dad. You know, I got to say, it was really cool of your mom to invite me to Thanksgiving. I mean, I would've been totally fine just hanging out in my dorm.
Axl: We could still make that happen.
Devin: Yeah, you know, I can pretty much cook anything on a hot plate. The other night, I made brownies and lasagna.
Axl: You can't make brownies on a hot plate.
Devin: Sure you can. You can make anything on a hot plate. All you need is heat and the will to do it.

Darrin: What's up?
Sue: Okay, so, I was just thinking, since it's Thanksgiving and, you know, your first major holiday with my family, maybe you could just... Kick it up a notch.
Darrin: Kick what up a notch?
Sue: Uh... Nothing specific, but if you could just be a little bit better. But not so much better that it looks like you're trying too hard, but better than you are right now. Not that you're not great.
Darrin: I'm not exactly sure what you're asking me, but okay.
Sue: Mm-hmm. Shoot. Now I feel like you're gonna do too much. So don't even worry about it. Just forget everything I said and be yourself, like you normally are. But a little bit better.

Axl: We're here! Next stop... food coma. Lates.
Frankie: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going? We haven't even said hi to Devin Levin. I got to say, it's so nice to finally meet you. Sorry it took so long.
Devin: Oh, no. It's all good. Thanks for having me.
Frankie: Sure! So, let's see. You're my hair person's cousin's niece's daughter. So that means your mother's aunt is cousin to my hairdresser. Wait... but if it's an aunt, would she be a cousin? You know what? Let me work backwards. Okay, so...

Cindy: I'm hungry.
Brick: It won't be much longer. I think I'm really starting to pick up on the intricacies of the machine.
Cindy: You're not good at this. I'm getting food.

Mike: So, Devin, you think the defense will hold up?
Sue: Okay, that's enough sports talk. Let's change the subject, hmm? Does anyone have a funny air-conditioning-school story?
Darrin: Oh, wait... I do. This guy, Dan, at work was on a service call, and he got his arm stuck in a fan belt.
Sue: [laughs] And then what happened, Darrin?
Darrin: Uh, I think that was the whole story.
Sue: Oh, no. That can't be the whole story. There must be more.
Darrin: Oh, yeah. There is. He mangled his hand pretty bad and lost his pinkie finger and half his pointer.
Sue: Oh, Darrin, stop. No, seriously... stop.

Frankie: I can't believe you.
Axl: I know, right? I'm gonna crush my mac-and-cheese record. You're goin' down, you hear me? In my face!
Frankie: I'm talking about the way you're treating Devin Levin.
Axl: Oh, my God. I did everything you asked. Responsibility over. What more do you want from me?
Frankie: I want you to talk to her. She doesn't seem that hard to talk to.
Axl: Ugh. What is it with old people thinking all young people should talk to each other? Why don't you go talk to the guy on the Rascal?
Frankie: I did. His name is Wayne. He's from Lafayette. He has a touch of the gout, but today is his cheat day, and tomorrow, he's going right back on his diet. [Axl snores] All right, come on, Axl. Just be nice. Make an effort. I mean, you're my social one. Besides, how hard can it be? She likes football. And not to mention, she's adorable.
Axl: Oh. Okay. I see what's happening here. Let me just say this. I will never, ever, ever be with someone you set me up with.
Frankie: Axl...
Axl: Ever!

Frankie: How's your cheese?
Cindy: [takes bite out of giant block of cheese] I've had better.

Frankie: Are you done eating already? You haven't even gotten your $7 worth.
Mike: Well, I didn't want to be done eating, but they ran out of turkey. You know, in my day, I'd have made sure that my girlfriend's dad got his turkey before I got mine.
Darrin: Oh. I'm sorry, Mr. Heck. Here. Take mine.
Mike: No, thanks.
Darrin: No, seriously. I'm not even hungry. I'm just eating 'cause I'm bored.
Sue: Just take it, Dad. He wants you to have it.
Mike: I said I don't want it.
Darrin: Is it because it has ranch dressing on it? 'Cause I can wipe it off. [dips the turkey leg in the water jug]
Mike: Darrin...
Darrin: Here. Just like new.
Mike: Forget it, Darrin.

Darrin: Why'd I take the last piece of turkey? I'm such an idiot. I know this is gonna sound crazy, but when I'm with your dad, I get this weird vibe he doesn't like me.
Sue: What?! That's nuts! You're, like, my dad's favorite and so on and so forth and what have you.
Darrin: I don't know. I feel like I'm lagging behind Cindy and Devin Levin.
Sue: No, no, no. He loves you. Everything's fine. The important thing is to not beat yourself up about it and act weird. Just act normal. W-well, but a little bit better. Well, better than you were at being better before, but not so much better that it's weird. The important thing is to not overthink it.

Frankie: Axl! Darrin told the waiters to sing "Happy Birthday" to Dad.
Axl: Oh, my God. He's killed us all!
Frankie: All right, listen, we got to stop this! Everybody, fan out. Axl, you check the kitchen. Sue, you talk to the hostess. You see anybody carrying a birthday cake, you take them out!
Mike: Hey. Wrong table. Keep moving.
Waiter: Citizen of King's Feast, by decree of the King, I declare it to be the day of birth of noble townsman Mike Heck.
Mike: It's not my B...
Waiters: [sing] Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday, dear Mi-I-ke Happy Birthday to you You take a big breath and blow [Mike snuffs out his candle]
Mike: Who? [Frankie, Axl and Sue point to Darrin]