Tag: Hey, guys, you got the butter?
Mike: Actually, they were out.
Tag: Out? I buy 12 sticks a week there. Come on. I'll come with you and show you where they are.

Brick: [chewing gum] Hey, guys. Where's the fire?
Mike: We're going to the store to get butter.
Brick: [writes down in notebook] Interesting. Now is there a reason why it takes three adults to purchase dairy products?
Axl: It would only take one adult to stuff you in a snowbank.
Brick: Okay. Just don't leave town.

Tag: Hi, there. Still selling those gummi worms, huh?
Cashier: Yeah.
Tag: Classic candy. 'Couse my wife won't let me eat 'em anymore. They- They give me the winds.

Frankie: [v.o.] What followed was the quietest Thanksgiving dinner ever. No talking. Just the sound of plastic on paper. But for Brick, there was a mystery to solve, so he did what any good detective would do. He returned to the scene of the crime.
Brick: [records] Note: Two sets of footprints lead to where the bear was found. One are Axl's, who found the furry victim. The other ones have a star pattern on the bottom. Clearly, whoever has a star on the bottom of their boots is the culprit. [whispers] Culprit. I'm finding multiple star footprints. Oh, my gosh. They're following me. [looks at his shoe]
Frankie: [v.o.] And with that, Inspector Whodunit closed the case.

Frankie: [v.o.] Every family has their favorite Thanksgiving recipe. This is ours.
Mike: I just don't get why we can't stay in a motel.
Frankie: Because, Mike, everybody in one house is what makes holidays special. Me and my mom and my sister hanging out in our PJ's having breakfast. Late nights listening to my dad tell his bawdy jokes. If we stayed at a motel, we would be missing out on all those little nuggets of happiness.
Mike: Sorry if I'm not excited about sleeping on an air mattress. My back hurts just thinking about it.
Frankie: I told you, we get the bedroom this time. It's our turn. Besides, Janet won't even be there till tomorrow because she's got Lucy's pilgrim hip-hop recital.
Mike: [scoffs] Great. The miracle baby's taking hip-hop now?
Frankie: She was a miracle. Janet had one good egg, Mike. One.
Axl: Oh, yeah. Forgot to tell you. Aunt Janet called. She said Lucy's recital got canceled, so they're getting there today.
Mike: What? [floors the car]

Pat: Oh, you got here fast.
Mike: Yeah, we made good time. I'll, uh, put our stuff in the bedroom.
Janet: There they are!
Frankie: Oh, wow, Janet. Oh. Y-you got here first.
Janet: I know. We already unpacked. Gary's in the guest room getting a little work done while Lucy takes her nap. Give your auntie fabulous a hug! [hugs the kids] Aw. Oh, I miss my sister.
Frankie: Oh.
Janet: You look so good.
Frankie: So when did you guys get here?
Mike: Yeah. Yeah, didn't see your car when we pulled in.
Janet: Oh, well, Gary actually just got a new SUV, so Dad let us park it in the garage.
Tag: Hey, Mike. Come on. I'll get you set up with them air mattresses.
Mike: Oh, no. It's okay, Tag. I remember where they are from last time.
Janet: Oh, shoot. I'm sorry. Was it your guys' turn to be in the bedroom? I just thought it'd be better for everybody, you know, with Lucy's nap time and all, but we can totally switch if you want.

Sue: Brick, you need to play with Lucy.
Brick: Sue, I'm on vacation. This is my time to decompress. Why can't you play with her?
Sue: 'Cause we adults are talking in the kitchen, and she keeps coming in and interrupting us, and plus we're talking about things that aren't appropriate for her to hear. Major family secrets. I've already said too much. Okay. Lucy? I'm going into the kitchen with the adults because I am one.
Brick: So... You want to play librarian? I'll read, and in six hours, you tell me the library's closing.

Pat: Oh, Janet. I almost forgot. I bought the little marshmallows Lucy wanted for her hot cocoa. They didn't have the pink ones, so I just got her the white ones.
Janet: Oh, shoot. She really wanted the pink ones.
Frankie: [scoffs] Well, I don't think anybody's gonna run out right now just to get a different color marshmallow.
Janet: Can someone run out and get a different colored marshmallow?
Mike: I'll go.
Axl: Me, too. Did you hear what we're supposed to get?
Mike: I just heard "who wants to leave?"

Lucy: [cries] He won again! I wanted to be the pretty pretty princess!
Janet: Pumpkin, did you? Did you want to be the pretty pretty princess?
Lucy: Uhuh.
Janet: You know, Frankie, it wouldn't kill Brick to let her win.
Brick: Mom, look at me. Do you honestly think I wanted to win this game?
Frankie: Whatever, Brick. Just pick something she can win. I tried letting her win at Connect Four, but she literally couldn't connect four and I couldn't stop connecting four. You know, for a miracle baby, she's not too bright.

Janet: Wow. Brick's a little competitive there, isn't he?
Frankie: I guess he's just not used to this. At our house, if you win, you win, and if you lose, you lose. You know, kind of like in real life.
Janet: Hmm. That's funny, 'cause a lot of the books that I'm reading are kind of saying the opposite of that, so...
Frankie: Hey, you know what? There's a lot of snow outside, so you kids want to go out and play in it? Brick loves building snowmen.
Brick: He does?
Janet: [baby voice] Do you want to build a snowman with your cousin, sweetie?
Frankie: Get outside, Brick.