- Brad
- Rusty
- Big Mike
- Pat
- Tag
- Aunt Edie
- Nancy Donahue
- Reverend TimTom
- Bob
- Mr. Ehlert
- Rita Glossner
- Sean Donahue
- Darrin
- Ashley
- Dr. Goodwin
- Cindy
- Lexie
Tag Spence Quotes Page 2 of 6
Quote from From Orson with Love
Mike: So...
Tag: So?
Mike: So wh- What was it you wanted to talk to me about?
Tag: You ever read that book Tuesdays With Morrie?
Mike: No. Don't think I have.
Tag: Every Tuesday, this Morrie fella meets with a former student of his, and he tells him his life stories and his wisdom and so on before he dies.
Mike: Oh, God.
Tag: So clear your schedule, Mike, 'cause unlike Morrie, I ain't dyin'. I've got loads of time.
Quote from Thanksgiving IV
Frankie: Mom, Dad, Mike and I were trying to remember that great story you always tell about your first date. You know, how Dad got lost and you ended up by the lake? What happened again?
Pat: [chuckles] Oh, he got lost all right. No surprise there.
Tag: Yeah, she was probably talking so much, I missed the sign.
Frankie: No, it was sweet. You got lost and you didn't have anything to eat, and mom pulled the crackers from her bag and...
Pat: Back then, he would eat crackers!
Tag: Crackers are poison! Might as well eat a bag of sugar!
Quote from Thanksgiving V
Axl: So, let me get this straight. You can check your blood at home and then just call it in and get all the information online?
Tag: Yeah, I can see- I can see if my blood's too thick, my blood's too thin, the size of my blood particles...
Axl: Wow.
Tag: ...make sure they're fluffy.
Axl: Yeah.
Tag: You want your blood particles fluffy.
Pat: He doesn't want to hear about your blood particles.
Axl: No, I find it fascinating.
Quote from Flirting with Disaster
Mike: Yeah. So, Tag, this isn't another "we should get together every week" thing, is it?
Tag: No, no, this is a one-and-done.
Mike: I like the done part, what do you need?
Tag: Well, here's the deal, Mike. It looks like I'm about to lose my driver's license.
Mike: Oh. Tag, what'd you do?
Tag: Nothing big. Everybody's alive, but the bastards want me to retake my driver's test.
Mike: Oh, I'm with the bastards on this one. What did Pat say?
Tag: Oh, she doesn't know. Don't tell her. I mean, I'm like a God to her.
Quote from Thanksgiving V
Pat: Well, just so nice to see everyone, since we won't be here for Christmas. I don't know if Frankie told you, but we're going on a cruise.
Tag: You know, people go missing on cruises all... all the time. What was that story you were telling me, Mike, about the honeymoon couple went missing on a cruise and all- all they found was a flip-flop?
Mike: I-I don't know.
Tag: Really? 'Cause you told me about it, so I think you do know.
Dr. Goodwin: Oh, I took a dental cruise last year to the Bahamas. It was magical. The culture, the language. I even learned a traditional Caribbean dance the Bamboula. [hums] Da, da-da, da-da-da [all laugh]
Tag: This guy's killing me. Who invited the happy cruiser?
Mike: Nobody, actually.
Tag: Dysentery! Rivers of crap. It happens. Engines fail in the middle of the ocean all the time. I mean, they're floating graveyards.
Quote from Two of a Kind
Dutch: Come on, Tag. Let's show 'em what we got.
Tag: Can't. Mike's got to take a whiz, and he needs my help getting to the can. I mean, the guy's got a bladder like a spaghetti strainer.
Quote from A Simple Christmas
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, the simple Christmas was bringing people together, even more together than some people would have hoped.
Tag: Heh! There you are! Hey, did I ever tell you about my neighbor, Stan? Found a tumor behind his eyeball big as a grapefruit. Big as a grapefruit.
[later, as Mike gets a midnight snack:]
Tag: There you are! You like the quiet of the night, do you? Oh, me, too. I love the quiet. My favorite part of being quiet is when two people get together...
[later, as Mike clears the driveway:]
Tag: Hey! There you are! What's that, snow you're shoveling there? You know, I knew three guys died shoveling snow?
Quote from A Simple Christmas
Tag: [sings] Deck the halls with boughs of holly Da da-da da-da, da-da da-da [talks] Ah, it feels good to sing.
Mike: Not doing the skit, Tag.
Tag: Should we ask for help?
Mike: You know what we could do? We could split up.
Tag: Excuse me, there... uh... Kevin. Hey, listen, would you help my son-in-law out here? He's got a busted water heater. Show him the...
Mike: Nah, I'm good.
Tag: Don't be afraid to ask for help. My friend, Cecil Maynard, wouldn't ask for help. Guess what happened to him? Choking. Bam! Face first, right in his soup.
Mike: [snaps the element] Help me, Kevin.
Kevin: Whoa. Never seen one break like that through normal use. Unfortunately, we don't have this part in stock right now, and we're not gonna get it in until after the holidays. Sorry. You're looking at some cold showers.
Tag: I love a cold shower. You know why? Well...
Quote from A Simple Christmas
Tag: She always flips out at Christmas. I think she gets too excited.
Frankie: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you look at Mike like I'm the crazy one. He is right in there with me. You're driving him nuts! He hates it how you follow him all over the place, telling him all your stories! He hates it! He hates it to himself, but he hates it!
Pat: I told you to give Mike some space.
Quote from Thanksgiving III
Tag: Hey, sleepyhead, it's 7:30. How do you like your Tag-cakes?
Mike: At 9:30.
Tag: I'll bet Axl's hungry.
[Axl grabs the plate and takes it under his blanket, empties it and returns the plate without even sitting up]
Tag: Attaboy. Enjoy 'em. I put three sticks of butter in every batch.
- View another character
- Brad
- Rusty
- Big Mike
- Pat
- Tag
- Aunt Edie
- Nancy Donahue
- Reverend TimTom
- Bob
- Mr. Ehlert
- Rita Glossner
- Sean Donahue
- Darrin
- Ashley
- Dr. Goodwin
- Cindy
- Lexie