Lexie: Uh, I think something happened to my hair.
Sue: Oh, no. I should've told you. We're still using the dog shampoo my mom accidentally bought in bulk. You can't use the regular amount... it's in dog measurements.
Lexie: It's okay. I-I'm sure it'll relax. Hey, is that a hole in the wall? It's so cute.
Sue: Yeah. It's a long story. That goes to Axl and Brick's room.
Lexie: Oh, that... that's Axl's room? Is he coming home for spring break?
Sue: Yeah, but don't worry. I'll cover the hole. You won't smell the farting, but you'll probably still hear it... and smell it.

Sue: Wait. Did you just start feeling this way? 'Cause that shampoo isn't FDA-approved. The chemicals could've seeped into your brain.
Lexie: No, I've known for a while. I thought I would get over it, you know, like... like the flu.
Sue: Oh, I was wondering why you'd ever want to come to Orson for spring break instead of the Bahamas.
Lexie: I'm sorry. It's just, he's kind of cute and funny and I-I can't help it.
Sue: Okay, okay. Okay. [breathing heavily] Oh my God. I think I have hysterical blindness.
Lexie: Your eyes are closed.
Sue: Okay. I'm not blind, but I am still very hysterical. I mean, this is a lot of information to process. It's a clash of things... of two things I like, but I'm not sure I like them together. Like turkey and chocolate... I like them, but not as a couple. But who knows? Maybe they would be delicious. And I mean, who am I to stop turkey and chocolate from getting together if they want to? Just go for it!
Lexie: Oh! Thank you so much. I would never do anything about it without your blessing. Now, where can I put this towel so your cleaning lady will find it?

Lexie: Hi. You're home.
Axl: Lexie. New look for you?
Lexie: Oh, this? I think it's just the water.
Axl: Hmm. What are you doing here?
Lexie: Oh, I'm spring-breaking in Orson with Sue.
Axl: Wow. [chuckles] I don't know what series of catastrophes befell the world for you to end up here, but I am sorry.

Frankie: Hey, do you know anything we have to be proud of? Other than the fanciest dog dish in Orson.
Brick: I got over 100% on my geometry test.
Frankie: No, it's got to be something that Nancy would know about.
Brick: Oh. Well, I did both start and cure myself of a new tic without you noticing.
Frankie: You mean the "ehh-ehh-ehh-pfft"? Yeah, I noticed.
Brick: Mm. Well, that's all I can think of.
Frankie: Great. So, I'm proud and I don't get to know why. Seems right.

Frankie: Hey, Lexie. I hope you're enjoying your stay. Sue did give you the good towel, didn't she?
Lexie: Uh, she gave me the Chewbacca one.
Frankie: Yeah, that's the one.

Lexie: Oh, hi. We keep running into each other.
Axl: Well, there's like three rooms in the whole house.
Lexie: Hey, so, I meant to ask you... what's a fun thing to do on spring break in Orson?
Axl: Besides leaving? [chuckles] Well, there's the beer-can museum out on the state highway.
Lexie: Ooh, fun. Wow. I am so glad I came to Orson. I checked the weather, and it's partly cloudy in the Bahamas. Dodged a bullet there.
Axl: Mm. What else? There's um... [gasps] You could go visit all my trophies in the trophy case down at the high school. Spoiler alert... there are five.
Lexie: Mm. [chuckles]
Axl: You okay? You look a little itchy.
Lexie: Oh, I'm fine. I'm totally interested in what you're saying.
Axl: You sure? You got something splotchy on your face.

Lexie: [nasally] Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know where this led. Oh, you know, I went by your school to see your tow-phies.
Axl: What?
Lexie: Your tow-phies.
Axl: I can't understand what you're saying. Plus, I'm a little distracted. You got a little bat in the cave, there.
Lexie: Oh, sorry. I'm just a little stuffed up. Anyway, uh, the week's almost over and I feel like we haven't gotten a chance to... [coughs]
Axl: Well, the bat's gone. Now I'm just wondering where it went.

Frankie: But, Brick, this is a big deal. You're the first person in the family to make the Honor Society. I mean, we don't have much to be proud of, so when is time to be proud of, I would like to be there. When is it?
Brick: Saturday.
Frankie: [sighs] I can't go. Grandma got us tickets to the touring company of Finian's Rainbow with the "Kiss my grits" girl from Alice, and she's really excited about it.
Brick: Mom, it's all right. I really don't care if you go or not. Honestly. Besides, they videotape these things now.
Frankie: Well, I'm sorry. I really want to go, but I can't blow off Grandma. Janet got her a massage recliner for her birthday.
Brick: Hey, go to the play. The ceremony's gonna be pretty dull, actually. I just walk up and get a certificate.
Frankie: And I really want to see that, so make sure you get a videotape of it, okay? You get that it's about the massage recliner and me buying back my mom's love, right?
Brick: Got it.

Sue: Hey, you look better.
Lexie: Yeah. Turns out all I needed was a shower.
Sue: Yeah. It's okay, Lex. I'm sorry about that. We should've eased you in. You kind of have to build up a tolerance to our house. So, where you headed?
Lexie: The Beta Tau Lambda St. Patrick's Day party. You want to join me? Come on. It's the biggest party of the year.
Sue: Nah. I'm gonna ride around with Tyler in the Safe Ride cart later. It's his biggest night of the year, too. A lot of green beer going down, a lot of greener beer coming up.
Lexie: Sounds fun.
Sue: Oh, don't worry. I won't have to touch barf. You have to take a class.

Axl: Hey! Look at that. Now this guy is clean. You want to put him to work, huh? What you got to eat around here? Come on. Make me something.
Sue: I'm sorry to inform you, Axl, but I'm not your maid.
Axl: Oh, come on, girl! You can do it! Make me some din din!
Sue: Oh, my God, Axl. You are such a jerk! I don't understand why Lexie likes you so much.
Axl: What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Hold on. Are you serious?
Sue: N-No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was not supposed to tell you that.
Axl: Hmm. Well, I know I always joked around about her liking me, but I never thought she really...
Sue: [sighs] Why do you think she came to our house for spring break instead of the Bahamas? Who in their right mind would do that? She didn't even spend time with me. She just laughed at all your stupid jokes and followed you around with her eyes. Well, her non-pus-y eye, at least.
Axl: She knows I'm dating April, right?
Sue: Yeah, I told her. I told her everything. I told her about how you clip your toenails. I told her about your booger wall. I told her about Dr. Axl and his fart-esthesia, and somehow, she still likes you.
Axl: Well, good, good. I'm glad you told her those things, 'cause, you know, [clicks tongue] it's not gonna happen. Hey! Look at that! Flip-flops came out great.