Mike: Axl's quitting football.
Frankie: What? No, he can't. He's got a scholarship.
Mike: He said he's looking into other ways to pay for college. [Frankie sighs] I tried to talk to him. He won't listen.
Frankie: Well, they never listen anymore. I mean, Sue's nuts. So I rolled my eyes... big deal. If I got mad every time they rolled their eyes... "Put the toilet seat down." "Ugh." "Make your bed." "Ugh." "I love you." "Ugh."
Mike: I just don't get it. So it's harder than it was when he was in high school. So what? How can he not love breaking through the line, outrunning the safety, the fans screaming?
Frankie: Sounds like somebody else wants to play football.
Mike: You do roll your eyes a lot.
Frankie: Shut up.
Mike: He drove away from me. Actually turned on the ignition and drove off.
Frankie: You know what? Forget them. We don't need them. We got each other. We got 10-cent beer and a purse full of change.

Frankie: [laughs] You think Axl'll be mad that we're crashing here? Axl'll. Axl'll. That's hard to say.
Mike: We'll sleep where I say we sleep. I'm the father. Ah. This is so little.
Frankie: Yeah.
Mike: I can hit the toilet bowl from here.
Frankie: Whoo! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Mike: Looks like somebody already did.

Frankie: Mm. Dopey Sue. She thinks she's the first person that cares about anything. I cared. I watched Comic Relief.
Mike: You know what they are?
Frankie: Mm?
Mike: They're ingrates. I would never talk to my dad the way he talked to me. We wiped their butts.
Frankie: Yeah, I wiped Axl's butt until he was 6. He couldn't get it at all.

Mike: [burps] I'm gonna brush my teeth.
Frankie: Okay, baby.
Mike: [gasps] Aw, I didn't bring my toothbrush.
Frankie: Oh. Well, just take some of Axl's toothpaste and do the finger trick.
Mike: It's not really a trick.

Frankie: You should've met this guy Jeremy. You would've wanted to slug his dumb face. He doesn't eat mozzarella sticks because he says its inhumane to take milk from cows. But he's wrong. It's inhumane to not take milk, because then it builds up, and it hurts. I think I know a little more about it than him. I miss breastfeeding. [laughs] Breast.

Mike: They should make travel toothbrushes. There's a million-dollar idea.

Axl: Morning, sleepyheads.
Hutch: You guys want some salami and eggs?
Mike: We're gonna take a hard pass on that.
Frankie: Thanks for the hospitality. We're just gonna get out of here and head back to the house.
[When Frankie opens the Winnebago door, she sees they are parked outside the house]
Axl: Well, you know, always told you guys, you drink too much, just give me a call, and I'll drive you home.
Frankie: Aw, thank God. I'm starving. I think I have a candy bar in my church shoes.

Sue: I'm just here to do laundry.
Frankie: Okay.
Sue: I'm sorry we fought, but you have to understand that I care very deeply about things. I care about women's rights and I care about poverty and I care about highfructose corn syrup. And there are so many things to care about that I don't know if I can care about them all. And sometimes, I don't even know which way to care. [sobs] I mean, some people say that the sonar the military sends out messes up dolphins and whales, but then other people say that the sonar protects our borders. I love whales and borders.
Frankie: Aw, honey.
Sue: And then I don't even know why I bother caring at all. I'm just gonna end up like you anyway. No offense.
Frankie: Sue, you will always care just the right amount because that's you.
Sue: Really?
Frankie: Mm-hmm.

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, as a parent, sometimes you have 2-star days, sometimes you have 10-star days.
Mike: Drive safe.
Frankie: [v.o.] But when the last one leaves the nest, you hope your customers are vaguely satisfied and that they'll come again and bring grandchildren.

Male Voice: [on computer] You've got mail.
Brick: "We see you had a recent call with Carol, our customer service representative. Please take a moment to rate your experience." Hmm.