Frankie: Whose brilliant idea was it to cook in here? There's burnt cheese all over the quilt.

Police Officer #1: Frances Heck?
Frankie: Uh-huh.
Police Officer #2: Mrs. Heck, we have a warrant for your arrest.
Frankie: My arrest? What?! Are you kidding?
Police Officer #1: Everybody always thinks we're kidding. We're not kidding.
Police Officer #2: If you could please place your hands behind your back...
Frankie: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's happening here? This is obviously a huge mistake. What am I being arrested for?
Police Officer #1: Ma'am, they'll explain the charges down at the station. You have the right to remain silent.
Frankie: Wait, wait, this is for real?
Police Officer #1: Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Frankie: This is serious? Ow! Ah! I have rotator-cuff issues. They say it's from sleeping with my hands over my head. You know, I tried, but I can't fall asleep any other way, and-- aah! Brick! Tell your dad what happened!
Brick: Okay. Oh, and if you're going out, get cereal.

Frankie: I mean this is ridiculous. How is there an outstanding warrant for my arrest? But for what? I didn't get a summons. There's got to be some mistake.
Police Officer #1: No. Looks like the exact charge is failure to return library materials.
Frankie: [sighs] Brick. Are you kidding? You're seriously arresting me for an overdue library book?
Police Officer #1: Mm-hmm. That's what happens when you ignore three letters and two summons.
Frankie: We aren't good at going through the mail. I tell everybody we need a system, but then nobody obeys the system. Look, we must not have realized it was an official summons. I probably thought it was one of those appliance-store coupons "summoning" me to low, low prices.
Police Officer #1: Ma'am, when you make bail, you'll have a chance to tell your whole story to the judge. But I'd streamline it a little.
Frankie: I need bail now? Are you kidding me?
Police Officer #1: Once again, ma'am, I can assure you we are never kidding. Would you, uh, please step over to that X on the floor?
Frankie: [sighs] Might want to take an extra one of those, because as soon as I get home, I'm gonna kill my son!

Mike: Hey. You were out with Cassidy pretty late last night. What time did you end up getting home?
Axl: I don't know. Why do you care so much? When I'm at school, you don't know what time I'm out.
Mike: I don't care. Just if you were dead in a ditch, I'd have ordered a medium pizza.

Sue: Oh, Mom, I am so, so sorry. I'd have been down there in a second if I knew. Oh, and guess what else Reverend Timtom has this new singing partner, Reverend Tammy, who is so not good. And, I mean, everybody noticed. I think I'm gonna have to say something to him so he knows how the teens are reacting to this.
Frankie: Sue. Long day. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go wash the jail off of me. Enjoy your pizza.

Reverend TimTom: Sorry. Uh, rough day. So, what's on your mind?
Sue: Well, I guess you could say I have a big problem with... Ugh, what am I doing? No, I came here to say bad things about Reverend Tammy, and that is so mean of me. Her teen advice was spot on, and I just threw it back in her face.
Reverend TimTom: Oh, Sue. Don't be so hard on yourself. Feelings are complicated.
Sue: But I was praying you two would have a fight and that she would slink back to Grand Rapids, and now you two have had a fight, and you seem really upset.
Reverend TimTom: So, I take it you overheard our little tiff?
Sue: No, no. Yes.
Reverend TimTom: Sue, let me give you some advice.
Sue: No! Don't. I really, really, really want it, but I don't deserve it. I have been so selfish. If you were happy, I should be happy for you. Now you're unhappy, and it makes me unhappy. I am doubly unhappy. Oh, but I feel bad 'cause I don't want to make it about me being unhappy.

Sean: Dude. This is the fifth time you checked your phone.
Axl: Sorry. Thought I might hear from Cassidy. Think she came back into town yesterday.
Sean: Ah. Get a little spring break reunion? Is Axsidy back in business?
Axl: First of all, it was "Caxl," and, no, I haven't seen her. I mean, we've been talking and texting and stuff, and I told her I'd be home and she told me she'd be home, but we didn't set anything up.
Sean: Only one way to set something up. You got to make the move.
Axl: I don't want to look needy.
Sean: But you are really needy.
Axl: This is true.

Cassidy: [on the phone] Hi, Axl.
Axl: Hey! Cassidy, what's up?
Cassidy: Oh, not much. What are you doing?
Axl: Nothing. Me and Sean are just playing around on my bed. That didn't sound right. Never mind. Uh, hey, so if you're around, you want to maybe, uh, get together or something?
Cassidy: That could work. How about later I swing by your house?
Axl: Yeah, I'll see you soon. Sean and I just got to hop in the shower. Uh, separately. Very separately. I'll... just, uh, I'll see you later. Uh...

Axl: Hey. So, uh, wow. Great to see you. How's, uh, it going? You enjoying your art history and stuff?
Cassidy: Yeah, I really am. How about you? You enjoying your football and stuff?
Axl: It's good. Yeah. Really good. Yeah. Really good. [they kiss]

Sue: It was supposed to be a jubilation celebration, but with this Reverend Tammy person, I'm just saying, her voice... extremely grating. And her smile... I wish you could've seen it. It was so fake.