Brick: I can't eat this. This bread is GMO-modified wheat, and I read that 12% of lettuce in the US tests positive for fecal matter. [everyone throws their lettuce back]
Axl: Bing! Text alert. Indiana family has freak show for little brother. Neighbors say it's always the dorky ones.
Sue: What was that? Did that sound like a motorbike?
Axl: [sighs] You know what I'm worried about? I'm worried whatever's wrong with these two is lying dormant in me.
Brick: [tablet beeps] Well, that's just great. Brain-eating parasite- [Mike takes the tablet] No, wait. It's near here.
Mike: Nope, iPad gone. Eat your... cheese.
Brick: I'm too nervous. There's just so much going on that I can't stop thinking about. It's kind of overwhelming. Can I just go to bed?
[Brick goes under the table]

Mike: Look, Brick, here's the deal: we're your parents, and we're gonna do all the worrying for you so you don't have to. That's our job. And guess what. I'm not worried. So you don't need to be, either.
Brick: All right. I guess I can try sleeping in my bed tonight.
Frankie: There you go.
Mike: All right. [tablet beeps] Yikes.

Sue: My balloon!
Frankie: So, what was that about?
Mike: Well, it... it was nothing. I... heard a noise. [to the dog] You bark at everything else in this house. Where were you on that one?
Axl: Hey, don't be a hero, Dad. Next time there's an intruder, just call the balloon police. They'll come running in with their pins drawn. [chuckles]
Brick: Wait. You thought somebody was breaking in.
Mike: [scoffs] Okay, it's all over. Everything's fine. Go to bed.
Brick: So, you are worried. It can happen here.
Mike: No, it can't. It... You know, this is your fault. You know that? You got all up in our heads with your iPad and your Binging, and you ruined lettuce. Fix him, Frankie. I'm done.
Frankie: What am I supposed to do?

Dr. Fulton: Well, come on in. [cats meowing] Sit anywhere you'd like. Your mom filled me in on what's been going on with you, and it seems like some pretty heavy-duty stuff. So what do you think's up? What do you think's giving you this case of the bummers?
Brick: It's just... These bad thoughts get in my head, and then there's no room for the good thoughts, and then I start thinking maybe because of all the bad thoughts, I'll never have a good thought again. Which also worries me.
Dr. Fulton: [cat meows] Not now, Minnie. I'm working. Well, Brick, we all have to learn to live with fear. You know, that includes this guy right here. I mean, for me, it's Shelly. I mean, I fear that she may marry the guy she's dating right now just because he's decisive and buff. You know, but if she decides to ruin her life like that, I just have to accept it and move on, which isn't to say that I'll meet someone. I mean, not someone like Shelly. I mean, no one can be Shelly. I guess what I'm trying to say, Brick, is I very well may die alone. [cats yowling] Guys, work it out. They fight over who gets the sunbeam.
Brick: It's not just normal fears, though. In any situation, I immediately go to the worst-case scenario and I don't know how to stop it.
Dr. Fulton: Well, there are many possible treatments. Some doctors like to use hypnosis to put you in a deep state of relaxation.
Brick: Hmm. What if I don't wake up?
Dr. Fulton: Then again, other doctors just prefer simple exercise.
Brick: Exercise?
Dr. Fulton: Oh, it's great for dealing with anxiety. You know, when those bad thoughts come, you just get up and move around. Get the blood going. You know what? Maybe go for a jog. Yeah, over to Shelly's house. And while you're there, let me know if you see that butt-faced ponytailed barista, hmm?

Darrin: God, this is the unmeltingest pile of snow I've ever seen.
Sean: [groans] Our science was perfect. It was melting yesterday.
Axl: Yeah, well, it froze solid last night. Oh, I've never hated anything in my life more than this snow pile.
Sean: Don't forget Darrin.
Axl: Oh, right. It's a tie between Darrin and the snow pile. Okay, here's what you're gonna do. First, you're gonna ask for a few extra days due to weather-related issues beyond our control. After that, you're gonna go down to Orson Hardware and pick up a bag of rock salt.
Darrin: No, you go to Orson Hardware. You pick up a bag of salt. I'm tired of people bossing me around... you guys, Angel. "Don't wear that ugly shirt." "Don't walk around outside in socks." "Don't hold my hand after eating Cheetos." I'm supposed to be a boss, but I'm a boss of nothing. Well, from now on, I'm gonna start thinking about what I want. [storms off]
Axl: Wow. Air-conditioning school has really changed that guy.

Frankie: [v.o.] It wasn't the most reassuring philosophy, but it worked for Brick, so we were happy. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work for Axl.
Axl: It's a different way of looking at it. Imagine the store not opening on Saturday. See? The worst outcome has already happened. Now, don't you feel better?
Manager: You're fired.
Axl: Well, I already imagined that, so I'm not upset. [chuckles]

Frankie: [v.o.] When you're raising a quirky kid, people tell you not to worry... they'll outgrow it.
Sue: Hey, Mom. Look. They were just gonna throw this guy away at work, and I saved it. Can you believe no one wanted him? I love balloons.
Frankie: [v.o.] And that's not even the kid I was talking about.
Brick: Where are you going?
Frankie: To the fridge. Brick, I got to get this in there. It's Frugal Hoosier milk. It may already be too late.
Brick: Now where are you going?
Frankie: Taking out the trash.
Brick: How long are you gonna be?
Frankie: I don't know. 10 seconds?

Frankie: I hate to say it, but I think he's crossed over from quirky into full-blown weird.
Mike: Probably a phase. He's got to get tired of hanging out with us sometime.
Frankie: I know, right? I'm bored with us and I'm one of us.
Brick: You guys in for the night? Nobody's going anywhere?
Frankie: Nope, just going to bed... boring old bed.
Brick: Okay, just keep me in the loop. [slowly closes the door]

Sue: Thank you for lunching at Spudsy Malone's. Welcome to-
Derrick Glossner: Hey.
Sue: Welcome to Spudsy Malone's. Would you like to try our tex-mex potato and put a little "South of the border" in your order?
Derrick Glossner: Nah, I don't like foreign food. Give me a pizza potato.
Sue: Here. [coins clink] [to Brad at another food counter] Why is Derrick Glossner here? It's weird. It's weird that he's here, right?
Brad: Well, you know it's not for the potatoes, 'cause they're not that good.
Sue: Really? Are you saying that- Brad, watch my register. [to Derrick] Okay, first of all, that is not okay. Those are for wishes.
Derrick Glossner: It looks like your wish came true.
Sue: [scoffs] What is that even supposed to mean? Okay, look, I don't know what you're doing here, but if this has anything to do with kissing me the other day without my consent, then I need to make it perfectly clear that that was not acceptable. I mean, normal people who live by the rules of society do not just go around kissing people without- [Derrick kisses Sue again and walks away]

Axl: Uh... What is this?
Calvin: Hey, what's up? The city snow plow piled all this here in front of the door, so the owner's paying us to move it by Saturday.
Axl: Wow. That's fascinating. Really. I'm actually more concerned about the fact you guys are wearing Boss Co. shirts. [chuckles] You should know there already is a Boss Co., and you can't act like you're a Boss Co. 'cause we're Boss Co.
Darrin: Oh, hey, other bosses.
Sean: [chuckles] Okay, now it makes sense. Boss Co. sidebar right now.
Axl: Hey, not you guys. Only bosses.
Calvin: Hey, we're bosses, too. That's the point of Boss Co.
Axl: Whoa. [chuckles] Don't explain the Boss Co. bylaws to me. I made the bylaws.