Frankie: Aw, that's where there used to be that corn stand where we'd buy that really good corn, remember?
Mike: Yeah, that sure was good corn.
Axl: What did I tell you? Death drive.
Sue: Oh, Axl, I need you to go back to school and pick up the sombrero that Dad brought back from Gatlinburg for my picture. Remember, you took it up to school? Even though I told you it was special and not to take it?
Axl: God, whatever. Fine. Seriously, guys... You're not gonna top the corn. You've had your little drive down geriatric lane. How about we wrap this thing up?
Mike: Hey, every time someone complains, we're adding 20 minutes to the drive.
Brick: You wouldn't.
Mike: I got a full tank and an empty bladder. I can go all day. [kids groan]

Brick: Oh, hi, Dad. Just walking to the library. I know I said I might need a ride, but I don't. Happy to walk. Happy to walk everywhere from now on, actually.
Mike: So how come I'm getting a letter from the school addressed to "the parents of Brick Heck"? What weird stuff did you do now?
Brick: It really could have been any number of things.
Mike: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. How about you stay here while we find out why you... Got "Athlete of the Month"? What the hell?
Brick: Athlete of the month? Really? Hmm.
Mike: I don't get it. Was it a written-test sort of thing? Did they move you to the special gym class? 'Cause that has been discussed.
Brick: No, but come to think of it, I have kind of been doing what I'm supposed to be doing lately. Instead of faking a stomach cramp and reading on the toilet, I've actually been participating.
Mike: Really?
Brick: Hmm. Nice medal. If I had known sports had such interesting fonts, I would have gotten involved in a basketball match a lot sooner.

Frankie: I can't win, Mike. I just can't win. They drag me into the middle of their fights and then they take it all out on me.
Mike: I'm telling you, I really got to fan the flames of this Brick thing. I was thinking of taking him out, find out what sport he's best suited to.
Frankie: I mean, sure. They act like they want my help. They don't want my help.
Mike: I'm not saying football. That's nuts.
Frankie: And by the way, who brings back one sombrero? You don't bring a sombrero back unless you've got sombreros for everybody.
Mike: What are you talking about?
Frankie: Axl and Sue. What are you talking about?
Mike: Brick. Did you forget our son won athlete of the month? [Frankie scoffs] Sure, it's for February, the shortest month, but still.

Mike: So, Brick, listen. Since you won this award, I was thinking we should get out there and, you know, practice some stuff. What sport would you say you're best at?
Brick: Hmm. I'd have to say tennis.
Mike: Tennis? Makes sense. More of a gentleman's sport, less about power, more about hand-eye coordination. Catch. [throws an apple right past Brick] All right. Still got stuff to work on. But at least you didn't scream that time. So... progress.
Brick: Hmm.

Mike: All right, Brick. This is important. Sports is a great teacher of life. It teaches you that there's winners and there's losers. And it's very clear... if you don't win, you're a loser. Your mom will tell you it's how you play the game. She's wrong.
Brick: Got it.
Mike: Yeah, you do. Now you won athlete of the month, you got a little taste, you might even want to win it again. I mean, your coach isn't one of those guys that makes sure everybody gets it once, is he?
Brick: No, no. You really have to earn it.

Frankie: All right. Knock, knock. Remember, I promised you a cup of hot chocolate yesterday? I made a smiley face with the little marshmallows the way you like.
Sue: No, thank you. I'm putting together a list of 100 reasons why I am not relentless.

Sue: I don't know, Brad. It's higher than I thought.
Brad: We have to do this, Sue. It's super important. When we're older, we're gonna look at our yearbooks all the time.
Sue: [sighs] I'm just sorry I don't have my good sombrero from Gatlinburg. But it was really nice of the manager at Taco Jason's to let me borrow this off the wall.
Brad: [sighs] No, I'm the one who's sorry, Sue. Ohh, the sombrero is the only hat I only have one of.

Frankie: [v.o.] So, when you're really in trouble, who do you call that you know will always be there for you no matter what you've been through? Well, first you call Mom, then Dad, Grandma, Grandpa... Other Grandpa, Rreverend Timtom, Rusty, Carly, Nancy Donahue, the manager at Taco Jason's... then finally, Axl.
Axl: Hey, losers. How bad do you want to get down? Let the bidding begin.

Sue: You're not really gonna take my $10, are you?
Axl: I'm not a monster. You can pay me back in installments. [chuckles] I'm just kidding. Despite what Mom says, I'm not that much of a jackass.
Sue: She doesn't really think you're a jackass. She was just saying that to make me feel better about being relentless.
Axl: Well, hey, you're not... W... [chuckles] You've got a lot of good qualities.
Sue: Oh, no. I know I was bugging you about the sombrero.
Axl: Ugh. I should have brought it home, but I really did forget. You know, I don't get it. Why is Mom always up in our business, anyway?
Sue: Probably 'cause she doesn't want us to grow up. I mean, she's been a mom forever. It's all she knows.
Axl: God, that's sad.
Sue: Ugh. And once I'm gone, she's only gonna have Brick to focus on.
Axl: Poor guy. Hey, maybe once we're both up at college, I could pick you up from your dorm and we can drive home every once in a while. You know, let Mom do a little mothering.
Sue: Yeah, that's a good idea.
Axl: Yeah.
Sue: So... I will be seeing you at college?
Axl: [breathes deeply] Well, I know where a lot of stuff is. You'll probably get lost a lot, so, yeah, probably.
Sue: Well, that would be nice. [inhales deeply] Hey, this isn't the way home. Where are we going?
Axl: Nowhere. It's a nice day out. I thought it would be nice to drive around for a bit.

Mike: Look, you know how I feel about your mother, but here's the thing... She can sometimes be... a little unhinged.
Sue: Mm, yeah.
Axl: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Sue: I can see that.
Mike: Still love her, but... You know?
Sue: Yeah, yeah.
Axl: Must be hard sometimes.
Sue: Yeah. She gets crazy.
Mike: Sometimes, it is.
Axl: She is a little crazy.
Mike: Well, I didn't say "crazy." I said "unhinged." But forget I ever said that. [Sue offers Mike some Pringles] No, thanks.
Axl: They're synonyms, aren't they?