Brick Quote #899
Blake: You're lying. It is very un-cool to lie and triply un-cool to do it at Wilderness Jesus Jam!
Brick: I'm not lying. Your name is Blake Ferguson. You live in Orson Heights. Your parents are Charlie and Anna Ferguson. You were born October 15, 2001, at Orson County Hospital, but my mom stole your mom's room and my dad got distracted by a sports game on TV and they accidentally took you home!
Blake: That did not happen! My parents would never let that happen!
Reverend TimTom: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't know what the problem is here, but whatever it is, I'm sure the Rovin' Rev can help.
Brick: Ha. We were switched at birth. Uh, it was a month before anyone figured it out. I assumed he knew all this, but apparently, his parents never told him, and he does not seem to be taking it well.
Reverend TimTom: [chord plays] [sighs] I don't have a song for that.
Quote from Brick
Blake: Thanks a lot. I've missed Swimming with the Savior and Canoeing with Christ 'cause you won't admit you started it.
Brick: Oh, I'll admit I started it when I start it, which I did not do. Now, if you don't mind, I'm getting confirmed next week, and I need to brush up on 2,000 years' worth of Bible facts.
Blake: [sighs] Hey, that's my Bible!
Brick: Uh, no, it is not. I wrote "BH" right here.
Blake: It doesn't say "BH." It says "BF."
Brick: No, it says "BH"... Brick Heck.
Blake: No, it says "BF"... Blake Ferguson.
Brick: Oh, my God. Blake Ferguson? The Blake Ferguson?! [hugs Blake] We're practically brothers!
Blake: Hey! What are you talking about?
Brick: Uh, it's me... Brick. Brick Heck! We were switched at birth! I spent the first month of my life with your family, and you spent the first month of your life with my family. Why aren't you more excited about this? You're acting like you've never heard this story before. You've never heard this story before.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: So, you see, Blake, it was kind of the hospital's screw-up because they gave me the room that your mom was supposed to get. [chuckling] That's why they thought there were two baby Fergusons.
Blake: Hmm. My mom says you took her room 'cause it was nicer.
Frankie: Well, yes, technically, but we didn't ask for the room, so what we did was wrong, but it wasn't bad. See, there are different levels of wrong. This is what we call "light wrong." If I had stayed your mom, I would have explained this to you.
Quote from Hecks on a Train
Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.
Quote from Mommapalooza
Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.