Axl: Look, Mom and Dad should be the ones talking to you, but they won't 'cause they're lame and they know nothing about relationships. I mean, if they did, why would they be with each other?
Sue: Axl, I'm sort of busy.
[Axl picks up the collage of Matt photos Sue was working, scattering the photos she hadn't glued down across the floor]
Axl: Here's the deal. You're being a huge dork, and this isn't even about your brace face, even though I have, like, 50 things I could say on the subject, but that's for another day. [Sue reaches for her collage] How can I explain? Sue, when you started high school, you could have stepped it up and hung out with some cooler people, and maybe had a shot at a somewhat normal guy. But what do you do? You join Wrestlerettes.
Sue: I founded Wrestlerettes.
Axl: Making my point for me. Next, you date a hobbit, and never once stop to think how it would affect me. Before you do anything... Anything... You need to ask yourself, "how does this affect my super cool brother?"
Sue: I'm sorry, Axl, but Matt and I are gonna be together forever, so get used to it.
Axl: You're nuts. Long-distance relationships don't work for guys. We need our girlfriends right in front of us, and even that doesn't always work. If they're standing next to their better-looking friend.
Sue: Well, Matt isn't like other guys.
Axl: No argument there, but he's still a guy. Oh, and, uh, just so you appreciate how nice I'm being, I haven't said a thing about your stupid headgear. And the things I have are good... And really funny, but I'm not saying 'em, not even "Cage match," which is my favorite one I came up with, so, yeah, you're welcome.