Nancy: Um, o-o-okay, well, if anybody else wanted to talk about our town or...
Mike: I'll do it. Hi. Mike Heck. Uh, born and raised in Orson. Uh, listen, when I first heard about this whole, um, 200th thing, I thought it was dumb. But the more I thought about it... the more I thought about it... I started to think maybe it isn't such a bad idea. 'Cause this town deserves to be noticed. But not by some magazine, by us. Now, I'm a guy who gets up and puts on the same thing every day... a plaid shirt and jeans... just so I don't have to think about it. And we all do that... we get up, we go to work, we make dinner, put the kids to bed, and we forget... how lucky we are, how fortunate we are to live in a town where, uh, Maricela stands out in front of her store with a plate, asking if you want to try a butter cookie. Or... Or... Or Joe at the stereo store... Well, that's what they called it when I was growing up. You go in there, he always says hi, you ask him how his day's going, he always says, "Great." Or how 'bout Lee? She's the... She's the heart and soul of this town. I think she was here when it was founded. [light applause] And Bill... When my roof was leaking, Bill came over and helped me patch it, and he left his hammer at my house. So I returned it to him, but he said, "It's not even my hammer." Somebody else had left it at his house when we were all there fixing the fence. So, that's why, yesterday, I put that hammer in our family's time capsule. 'Cause I think people in the future should know that this is a town where people help each other out. 'Cause you do for family. And that's what we are. So, you know, uh, we're... we're, uh... we're lucky. We're really lucky. Uh... okay. I guess that's all I got. [cheers and applause]

Frankie: God, I guess we're lucky we found each other. We're soulmates, right? One in a million.
Mike: I don't know about that.
Frankie: What?
Mike: I mean, I'm glad it worked out, but if I hadn't met you, I'm sure I would've found someone.
Frankie: Mike!
Mike: What? There's millions of people in the world. Are you saying I wouldn't have found one? I'm not hideous.
Frankie: Yes, and then you wouldn't have our kids.
Mike: Yeah, but I would have other kids that I loved. I would love whatever kids I had.
Frankie: [scoffs] I can't believe you.
Mike: Even this whole town thing. I mean, yeah, Orson's great and all, but if I had lived somewhere else, I'm sure I would've found a lot of things to like about that place, too. There's hundreds of thousands of towns across America. It's a big place, Frankie.
Frankie: You're lucky you buried that hammer. [kisses Mike]
Mike: Aw.

Nancy: Attention, Orsonites! We're lucky to have one of our own here to express what this town means to us. He's the one that paid for the refurbishment of our beloved cow. He's been elected mayor three times, one of them legally. I give you, Mr. Don Ehlert! [cheers and applause]
Mr. Ehlert: Look at this crowd size! Ha! Ha! What a turnout! Well, let me tell you what I love about Orson, Indiana. It's a wonderful place... to buy a car. In fact, we've got a special all weekend... buy a car at twice the price, and get the second half off. Okay, let's get this thing done and go home. And now, I give you the new and improved... Orson Cow.
[The crowd's cheers turn to gasps as they see the cow has "Ehlhert Motors 'Udderly Great Deals'" printed on it]
Mr. Ehlert: So come on down to Ehlert Motors. Free coffee! Just leave a dollar in the cup, hmm?