Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Brick: I mean, what we just saw isn't Planet Nowhere. The sets are cheap. The Kalakarians look like Silligans. And Hugh Jackman? He can't pull off this material. He's a song-and-dance man. I'm sick. I'm just sick over this.
Mike: That could be the potatoes.
Brick: Who are these Warner Brothers? Is there one who's like the leader, so if I get to him, the others will fall in line? 'Cause I need them to not release this movie.
Frankie: Brick, once the previews come out, it's done. It's too late.
Brick: Did Professor Faxon give up when he was negotiating with the Zorgonauts for the Malakian Canal? He didn't. But I can understand your confusion, 'cause Hugh Jackman would fold like a Klugarg. That's Malakian for card table. I have to stop this.

Male Voice: [on film] [action music plays] Coming, Summer 2016. Based on the best-selling series that swept the nation... [music stops]
Man: [on film] Silligans.
Male Voice: [on film] David S. Rosenthal's... Planet Nowhere.
Brick: They're doing a movie about Planet Nowhere!
Male Voice: [on film] Hugh Jackman as Professor Faxon. Ray Liotta is Gackos the Batossian. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is Soran. And introducing Montana Steinberg as Princess Kalakare. [lasers blasting]
Kalakare: [on film] The Vernegos will prevail.
Brick: Princess Kalakare's 132 years old! That kid's not a day over 11! They can't do this! You can't do this!
Mike: Brick, it's not like the couch. You got to sit down.
Brick: Stop the movie! Stop the movie!

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, we spend a lot of time at the movies. We go to escape the heat, the cold, and just the monotony of our lives. Yep, everybody loves going to the movies.
Brick: I've never been to the movies.
Frankie: What are you talking about? Of course you've been to the movies.
Brick: No, I haven't. I've seen them on TV and from the car once, but I've never been in an actual theater.
Frankie: [sighs] Oh, yeah, I remember. We wanted to take you when you were little, but you had all that sensory weirdness.
Brick: Yes, and I'm sure that's how the doctors suggested you refer to it. Very healthy, very supportive. I'm a teenager and I've never been to the movies. It's pretty sad.
Mike: When I was a teenager, my mom died.
Brick: Yeah, but she took you to the movies before she did, right?