TV Quotes

Brick: Hey, Dad, I've been working on the family Christmas letter, and I want to run it by you.
Mike: Uh, not a good time, Brick. I just drove all the way to Jasper and then to Bedford 'cause they put a tree on hold for me, which apparently means "sell it to whoever walks in and asks for one."
Brick: You know, if you can make that a bit more interesting, I think I can squeeze it in this baby. Here's what I got so far. "Dear friends, merry Christmas 2014. What a year. Mom doesn't wear pants anymore. She's got an unsightly bruise on her hip that's been there since July. She says if it doesn't go away in a week, she'll go to the doctor. Finances weigh heavy on our minds. The sink fell through the counter last month, and now we wash dishes in the shower. Axl's football career appears to be over, as he dropped the ball... both literally and figuratively." I'm very proud of that part.
Mike: Yeah.
Brick: "Mom and Dad stay up late worried about Sue doing something with Darrin called 'losing it.'"
Mike: Whoa! Brick, you can't say any of that stuff.
Brick: Why not? It's all true.
Mike: Yeah, well, that's exactly why. Christmas letters are just for the good things that happened in the last year.
Brick: Oh. Well, that's gonna be a lot harder. And shorter.
Mike: [chuckles] Yeah.

Frankie: Hey, where you going? And what's with the hat?
Axl: If you must know, it's part of our new business venture... "Tree Wise Men," a subsidiary of Boss Co. Enterprises. We're getting paid to put up people's Christmas lights and decorations. It's the season to get rich.
Frankie: Well, we have a tree right here, and as soon as it gets assembled, we are decorating it as a family.
Axl: Oh, but this is the only chance I get to hang out with my friends. Now that I'm in college, which you guys insisted on, I never get to see them anymore.
Frankie: Okay, but as soon as you get back, we're making a trip to the Frugal Hoosier. I'm filling two cars with stuff, and you're gonna be my Christmas helper.
Axl: Ugh. Fine. But I'm gonna need 10 bucks for my time.
Frankie: Oh, are we settling up? Because I put a bill together for all the things I've done for you, and it's a billion dollars.

Nancy: Hey, gang, time for cake!
Axl: How does she do that?
Nancy: [to Mike] You had a ton of frosting, so I just frosted a phone book. Nobody eat it.

Frankie: You know, I cannot get it up for Halloween this year. I think losing my job and starting school... it just all feels like too much. I'm supposed to take Brick trick-or-treating. I just want to open a box of wine and stay home.
Nancy: Oh, I'll take him for you. I'm taking Dottie and Shelly already, so it would be no trouble to have Brick come along.
Frankie: Oh, really? I could pawn him off on you? You don't think that makes me a bad mom?
Nancy: I don't think that does, no.