Brick: Hey, Dad, I've been working on the family Christmas letter, and I want to run it by you.
Mike: Uh, not a good time, Brick. I just drove all the way to Jasper and then to Bedford 'cause they put a tree on hold for me, which apparently means "sell it to whoever walks in and asks for one."
Brick: You know, if you can make that a bit more interesting, I think I can squeeze it in this baby. Here's what I got so far. "Dear friends, merry Christmas 2014. What a year. Mom doesn't wear pants anymore. She's got an unsightly bruise on her hip that's been there since July. She says if it doesn't go away in a week, she'll go to the doctor. Finances weigh heavy on our minds. The sink fell through the counter last month, and now we wash dishes in the shower. Axl's football career appears to be over, as he dropped the ball... both literally and figuratively." I'm very proud of that part.
Mike: Yeah.
Brick: "Mom and Dad stay up late worried about Sue doing something with Darrin called 'losing it.'"
Mike: Whoa! Brick, you can't say any of that stuff.
Brick: Why not? It's all true.
Mike: Yeah, well, that's exactly why. Christmas letters are just for the good things that happened in the last year.
Brick: Oh. Well, that's gonna be a lot harder. And shorter.
Mike: [chuckles] Yeah.

Frankie: Well, at least someone has a passion for the holiday. The kids are just so blah.
Mike: So, we start later in the day. Who cares?
Frankie: Don't you get it? Now that they're not little anymore, the magic is gone. Remember when they used to wake us up at 5:00 a.m. and jump on our bed?
Mike: I remember you cursing into your pillow.
Frankie: "Damn it" isn't a real curse.
Mike: You didn't say "damn it." You said...
Frankie: The point is, once you made me get up, I just loved how they couldn't wait to open their presents. And now all they want are gift cards.
Mike: I remember you cursing about having to go out and shop...
Frankie: The holidays are stressful! That doesn't mean you don't like 'em!

Brick: Hey, Dad, I've been working on the family Christmas letter, and I want to run it by you.
Mike: Uh, not a good time, Brick. I just drove all the way to Jasper and then to Bedford 'cause they put a tree on hold for me, which apparently means "sell it to whoever walks in and asks for one."
Brick: You know, if you can make that a bit more interesting, I think I can squeeze it in this baby. Here's what I got so far. "Dear friends, merry Christmas 2014. What a year. Mom doesn't wear pants anymore. She's got an unsightly bruise on her hip that's been there since July. She says if it doesn't go away in a week, she'll go to the doctor. Finances weigh heavy on our minds. The sink fell through the counter last month, and now we wash dishes in the shower. Axl's football career appears to be over, as he dropped the ball... both literally and figuratively." I'm very proud of that part.
Mike: Yeah.
Brick: "Mom and Dad stay up late worried about Sue doing something with Darrin called 'losing it.'"
Mike: Whoa! Brick, you can't say any of that stuff.
Brick: Why not? It's all true.
Mike: Yeah, well, that's exactly why. Christmas letters are just for the good things that happened in the last year.
Brick: Oh. Well, that's gonna be a lot harder. And shorter.
Mike: [chuckles] Yeah.

Frankie: Hey, where you going? And what's with the hat?
Axl: If you must know, it's part of our new business venture... "Tree Wise Men," a subsidiary of Boss Co. Enterprises. We're getting paid to put up people's Christmas lights and decorations. It's the season to get rich.
Frankie: Well, we have a tree right here, and as soon as it gets assembled, we are decorating it as a family.
Axl: Oh, but this is the only chance I get to hang out with my friends. Now that I'm in college, which you guys insisted on, I never get to see them anymore.
Frankie: Okay, but as soon as you get back, we're making a trip to the Frugal Hoosier. I'm filling two cars with stuff, and you're gonna be my Christmas helper.
Axl: Ugh. Fine. But I'm gonna need 10 bucks for my time.
Frankie: Oh, are we settling up? Because I put a bill together for all the things I've done for you, and it's a billion dollars.

Brick: We hit the jackpot today eight Christmas cards. The Kirkwoods wish us a happy holidays and... hold on. It's got a letter in it. It's all about their doings and goings-on. Jackson was made captain of the soccer team. Oh, Dale's ankle's better. Who's Dale, again?
Mike: Some guy I went to high school with.
Brick: And yet he thought he should share every detail of his life with you?
Frankie: Yeah, Brick. It's a Christmas letter. People update you on their lives. It's a way to keep in touch.
Brick: So we've gotten more of these?
Frankie: Yeah, I usually throw them out.
Brick: Why? They're fascinating. Emily's engaged! They like him!