TV Quotes

Axl: [wakes up to find Brick staring at him] Oh! I thought I told you that's creepy!
Brick: Slight snag with the plan. I seem to have misplaced Dad's wallet.
Axl: What are you talking about?
Brick: Well, I hid it between the pages of A Tale of Two Cities, but that was too obvious, so I moved it somewhere. Long story short, A Tale of Two Cities still holds up, and I can't seem to find the wallet.
Axl: You've lost Dad's wallet and you've read a book you already read before? Those are two of the dumbest things you've ever done, Brick.
Brick: Good news, though... to make up for the wallet, I stole his car keys.
Axl: You did what?! Oh, I never should have wasted my plan on you! I should have given it to some kid from the Inner City who could have used it to make a better life for himself.

Sue: But what if, you guys? What if? You have to make another will. Without a will, there will be nothing but fighting and accusations, and eventually, the three of us will stop speaking to each other. And years will go by, a-a-and our children won't even know their cousins. And we'll spend holidays apart. I'll be with my husband and children, and Axl will be across town with his family, each wondering if the other is having a merry Christmas, but each too proud to pick up the phone. And Brick, who refuses to choose sides, will be eating Christmas dinner all by himself at a Perkins Restaurant, being served by a waitress who feels sorry for him. You have to make a will, a specific, detailed, who-gets-what, or it'll tear us apart. I've seen it before. Look at Casey Kasem's family.
Brick: Wait. Why am I the one being pitied by a waitress? She's the one working on Christmas.
Axl: My God, can we start this not-talking thing now?
Sue: You see how he treats us? Can you imagine if he gets to decide if I get Aunt Opal's purple cow creamer that you already promised me?
Frankie: Sue, that thing broke years ago.
Sue: You say it broke, but did you see it break? Or is Axl looting from the estate already?

Mike: How you doing balancing the checkbook?
Sue: Well, I must have done it wrong. I have your balance at minus $11.
Mike: No, you did it right. It's us who did it wrong. [Frankie and Mike high-five]

Mike: You know when I was happiest? I mean really happy? When I was driving everybody. When they were small, and I'd be driving. Didn't matter where. It was just me at the wheel and you next to me and those three idiots in the back. And I knew everything was okay, 'cause I was driving. And I had it. I had everybody.