Frankie: [v.o.] So Mother's Day was here, and I woke up to a sound I'd never heard before... Silence.
Frankie: Mike? Axl? Brick? Sue?
Frankie: [v.o.] I didn't know what to do first. Read... Sleep... Ooh, watch Oprah... Ooh, maybe I'd even go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door. Damn it. Don't have to go. Since I accidentally borrowed a few People magazines from my last dentist visit, I decided to read. And then I remembered something, I'm blind. But when I went to the junk drawer for my glasses, stupid thing was stuck. But you know what? Not a problem. I had a whole free day ahead of me, and I'd been wanting to fix that drawer for weeks. An hour later, I was done. Now I just had to put the giant screwdriver back where it belonged, and the rest of the day was mine.
Frankie: Oh, there's that flashlight. [sighs]
Frankie: [v.o.] So I decided to go through the batteries because you gotta have a flashlight in the house with batteries. But when I went to put it in Mike's nightstand, it was stuck, too. And then I found something you never want to find in your husband's nightstand. Something I couldn't ignore. An unpaid gas bill.
Frankie: [on the phone] Billing! Billing! I pressed "4." I want to talk to a human. Human! Yuck.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then after defrosting the freezer and scotchgarding the winter shoes, I don't even know how I ended up here.
Frankie: Crap. [pulls watch out of the toilet] Oh, no!
Frankie: [v.o.] It can't be 7:45! This can't be happening. I blew my whole Mother's Day.

Mike: How could we forget Mother's Day again? I count on you guys to remember this stuff.
Axl: How was I supposed to know it's even on a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar.

Axl: [on the phone] Oh, ho! Epic fail! You munched it bad, Darrin. Okay. Yeah, I gotta dash. Stew in your stupid, bro. You blew it. [hangs up] You will not believe what a bonehead Darrin is.
Mike: Oh, I might.
Axl: You don't text a chick to ask her to prom before the 15th. It's, like, an ironclad rule.
Mike: In my opinion, you don't "text a chick" to ask her anything. You talk to her face-to-face.
Axl: Yeah, well, I'm not some dinosaur from the 1800s. No offense.
Mike: Oh, none taken. So what's so special about the 15th?
Axl: It's basic science. Two weeks out, you go after your gold-circle hotties, you know, your premium, floor-level seats. And if you land one, sweet. But if you get shot down, you lower your requirements day after day as the chicks' desperation grows until they converge and bam! You lock in your level somewhere between front row and loge. Now if you start too early, you got no chance at the floor seats. You're stuck up in the nosebleeds with some uggo.