Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, men live by an unspoken code. You shake, not hug. You never pay to have something done you can do yourself, and you don't go to the doctor unless... Well, you don't go to the doctor.
Mike: I'm not going to the doctor.
Frankie: Come on. Just go in for a physical. Look, they're raising our deductible next month, so if you're gonna get a horrible disease, get it now while it's still cheap.
Mike: Hey, if something comes along, I can take care of it myself.
Frankie: [v.o.] Mike's school of medicine was not the same as mine.
[montage:]
Mike: My heart just stopped. Oh, there it goes.
Mike: When did this mole get here? [cuts it off with a knife]
Mike: Shoulder popped out again. [bangs it against the wall] Aah! That's better.

Frankie: Okay, wait. You think I need diapers? Oh, this is just... Oh, my God. How old do you think I am?
Stock Boy: Is it okay if don't answer that?
Frankie: Look, I might sneeze-pee once in a while, but I don't need diapers. Do you see any gray there? No! That's 100% chestnut brown.
Stock Boy: That's over in aisle 12.
Frankie: I mean, come on. These are for... [puts on glasses] Geriatric bladder control. Do I look geriatric? I could easily have a baby. I choose not to. These are for old, creaky people who are way older than me. [to an old woman] Not you. I'm sorry. I-I'm a little flustered. I have a daughter with a dripping baby.
Old Woman: I understand. I'm a grandma, too.
Frankie: I'm not a grandma! Just take me to the diapers... For babies. Which I could have!

Brick: Hello, mother. I just took a walk around the block with wet hair and swallowed a watermelon seed at lunch. Pneumonia? No. Watermelon growing in my belly? No. Quite the tangled web, isn't it? [whispers] Tangled web.
Frankie: Yeah, but that pneumonia thing is real! You just got lucky.