Mike: How's his speech?
Frankie: I don't know. I didn't write it.
Mike: What?
Brick: [clears throat] Hi, I'm Brick Heck. Or as most of you know me, nerd. [children laugh] I spend a lot of time locked in lockers here at Orson Elementary. And that's given me a lot of time to think. You may think I'm odd. And maybe I am. Sure, I'm the kid who makes you late for recess because we have to walk in a group, and I'm still in the bathroom pulling up my pants. [all laugh] Sure, I talk in a Scottish accent sometimes. [in Scottish accent] Don't knock it till you've tried it. [normal voice] But aren't I exactly what you want for your school historian? Someone who has no social connections whatsoever. Someone who'll take pictures of you doing fun things I have no desire to be a part of. But the main reason you should vote for me... is because I suck at basketball. And if I'm not elected, I will try out for the team. Do you really want that on your conscience? I don't think so. [cheering and applause]

Frankie: [v.o.] So Mike went to his next interview ready to play the game.
Doug: So, Mike, what is it about septic tanks that appeals to you?
Mike: Gosh, where do I begin? Uh... I think what you do is important for the community.
Doug: Well, there are a lot of important jobs out there, Mike. Why this one?
Mike: I just really like to work with my hands, you know? Just get in there and... Yeah.
Doug: Lot of jobs where you can work with your hands. Why here?
Mike: I just think of the reward of hosing out a tank and giving some lucky family a fresh new start. I mean, you can't ever really get to know somebody until you've gotten to know their waste.
Doug: But why septic waste?
Mike: Because the idea of putting on a rubber suit and goggles, and wading through human excrement sounds like the adventure of a lifetime. It's like being an astronaut here on planet Earth. I guess what I'm really saying is that septic waste is my passion.

Mike: Hi, I'm Mike Heck.
Barb: Ah, yes. The rockinfreakshow. Please, sit down. So tell me, Mike. What brings you to Hoosier Grain?
Mike: Well, you called me, told me to come in. And here I am.
Barb: Okay, how about you tell me a little about you? What are three words you would use to describe yourself?
Mike: Uh... Tall. Mike. Man?
Barb: Okay. Well, what would you say is your best quality?
Mike: Tall?