Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, people are straight shooters. They just say it like it is. Well, I got one of those types in my house as well.
[montage:]
Mike: [to Brick] Hell, yeah, you were a mistake. I mean, we're happy you're here now, but you were definitely a mistake.
Mike: [to Frankie] It's funny because you're not fat, but that skirt sure makes you look fat.
Mike: [to a young Sue] Ha. Who told you Scrappy went to a farm? He's not on a farm. He's dead.

Frankie: [v.o.] If the library fines were half a dryer, glasses were a whole dryer. But luckily, the Frugal Hoosier has an optical department. And no mirrors.
[Axl and Mike stand in front of Sue as she tries on pairs of glasses]
Axl: Dork. Dork. I would never stop punching you.
Mike: Knock it off. She's a young girl with emotions all over her surface... or something like that. Anyway, our job is to cheer her on.
Axl: [to Sue] Oh, my God. Those look so great. Seriously. I think you should really, really buy them.

[Brick walks over to Frankie holding a book, Sorrow's Destiny]
Brick: Mom. Which part of me is my hungering manhood?
[Mike takes the book and then hands it to Frankie]