Frankie Quote #1834
Frankie: I was finally filing the last of the soggy papers from the flood, and I found the old deed to our house.
So I'm flipping through the disclosure statements. Listen. "Cracked foundation," which we knew, "dangerous wiring," which we knew. And then this. "Disclosure number three... Death occurred on the premises." Oh, my God! Can you believe this?! How did we not know about this? Someone died in our house.
Mike: I knew.
Frankie: What do you mean, you knew?
Mike: The realtor told me. I didn't tell you 'cause I knew you'd freak out.
Frankie: Yeah, I'd freak out! Someone died in our house! I can't believe you hid this from me. Did you ever think that maybe that's why all these creepy things keep happening around here? Candles blowing out, cabinets that don't close, my bruise that never goes away!
Mike: I thought that was gone.
Frankie: Oh, it's back. Feast your eyes.
The Middle Quotes
Quote from Brick
Brick: "She is survived by her husband, Henry, and sister, Sylvia Hammond. The county coroner will conduct a full autopsy and..." Oh, my God!
Frankie: What? What?!
Brick: They put an apostrophe "S" in "paramedics." That's not possessive, that's plural! Who was proofing the Herald back then?
Frankie: You know what, Mike? I don't know what upsets me more... a dead body in my bathtub or you not telling me about it.
Brick: Or the apostrophe!
Quote from Sue
Lexie: Well, we were kinda talking about our costumes for the party.
Sue: Oh, right! So, what are you guys thinking?
Lexie: I don't know, something cute and fun like salt and pepper?
Sue: I like it! And I can be cinnamon.
Axl: Or... peanut better and jelly.
Sue: And bananas.
Axl: Or maybe like a couple's thing, you know, like a Romeo and Juliet.
Sue: And the poison!
Quote from Axl
Axl: Hi, I'm Donny!
Lexie: And I'm Marie!
Axl: Welcome to the show! Tonight's guests are Ruth Buzzi... whoever that is... Paul Lynde... whoever that is... and Lassie!
Frankie: I'm surprised you even know who Donny & Marie are.
Lexie: Well, we were looking up famous couples for a costume, and we found them on YouTube. And I thought that Axl would make a pretty cute Donny.
Axl: And you're an even cuter Marie.
Lexie: Mm! [they kiss]
Frankie: Y-You do know they're brother and sister, right?
Axl: What? No, they're not. They got the same last name.
Mike: Yeah, 'cause they're brother and sister.
Lexie: But... we chose them because Sonny and Cher got divorced, and they stayed together.
Frankie: Because they're brother and sister.
Axl: Whatever, I don't care! [kisses Lexie on the cheek] We're out of here.
Quote from The Christmas Tree
Brick: Hey, Mom. Can I interest you in a decorative crock-pot cozy? Now you can leave your crock-pot out where everyone can see and save yourself unwanted embarrassment. It's for the women's club. These glasses are the prize for being their top seller.
Frankie: Let me guess. You're using the cozy money to pay off the peppermint-bark people.
Frankie: Brick, you're running a Ponzi scheme.
Brick: A Ponzi-what, now?
Frankie: You're using money you don't have to pay off the debt you had before, and now you got to go into even more debt to pay off this debt. It's an endless cycle. You're never gonna catch up.
Brick: Isn't that what you guys do with your credit cards?
Frankie: Well, yeah, but we're gonna die before they catch us.
Quote from The Shirt
Frankie: All I asked was for you to clean the bathroom! How hard is that?
Brick: Well, if you want to do it properly, you have to get to the root of the problem.
Frankie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Brick. We are not "root of the problem" people. The surface is where we live. You start chipping away and digging down to the root of everything, the whole place falls apart. The filth and grime is what's holding everything together. You want to see a video of how we fix things? We wipe, we slide, we shove, we close. If a drawer is too full to open, move on to the next one. Never open it again.