Axl: All right, Brick. [music stops] I need to sleep.
Hudson: Me too. I'm really tired. So I don't need no one to read to me.
Brick: Sleep? [scoffs] Is this college or a nursing home? Come on! Let's go do something! Let's Saran Wrap someone's room. Let's do the walk of shame!
Axl: Yeah, that doesn't mean what you think it does.
Brick: Let's pull an all-nighter!
Axl: That just means staying up all night studying.
Brick: Come on! I'm up for anything! [chuckles] I'm at college, man. I want to bite into the grapefruit of life and let the juices drip down my chin, and then immediately put on hydrocortisone because I'm prone to eczema.
Axl: I'm tired! I just want to sleep. It's 2:00 a.m.!
Brick: Hey, it's 5:00 somewhere.
Hudson: Mnh-mnh... that's something else that doesn't mean what you think it does.

Axl: All right, look, I just broke up with April. And then Devin and Cassidy showed up. The universe is telling me to just hold off for now. You know, maybe I just got to hang out with my bros. And my bro. [snaps fingers]
Brick: Well, if you're not ready, you're not ready. But let me share a little story with you. There's a secondhand shop near school that I used to go to every day, and they had this zebra bookmark...
Axl: Write down "syrup pocket." I'll know what it means. Sorry. Continue.
Brick: Every time I'd go in the shop, I'd feel the bookmark. I loved it. The contrast between the black and white, the touch of the synthetic hair. And every day, I'd say, "Tomorrow, I'm gonna come back and buy it." But then I went in there one day, and it was gone.
Axl: If this is your super-not-subtle way of asking me to buy you a bookmark, it's not working.
Brick: Uh, I guess the analogy is clearer to me because I like my women like I like my bookmarks... long and skinny. You've seen Cindy. Growl!
Axl: I'm uncomfortable.

Frankie: How's your spaghetti?
Mike: Good. How's yours?
Frankie: It's good. Brick! How's yours?
Brick: [sitting on the porch] Good! [vehicle approaches] Dad! Code blue! There's a truck! False alarm. Just movers.
Frankie: [v.o.] After the basement flooded, Mike jerry-rigged the pipes, but we needed a professional to come and look at it. We were looking for a plumber off the clock... someone who'd fix it for 20 bucks and a case of beer.
Brick: Dad, this is not a drill! There's a van coming this way! It's a plumber! It's a plumber!
Mike: You're sure?
Brick: It has a picture of a dripping faucet and a self-effacing cartoon of a man with his pants pulled down just enough to show crack.
Mike: Bingo! We have plumber!
Brick: He's coming from the Norwoods' driveway. He's going fast! Hurry!
Mike: Stall him!
[After Brick rolls a ball out into the street, the van comes to a halt. Mike rushes out of the house and over the driver's window]
Mike: Hi. Mike Heck.