Brick: We're having an "I Can't" ceremony at school.
Frankie: Oh, no. Is that something we have to go to?
Brick: No, it's an in-school ritual to help kids build a positive attitude. [Mike scoffs] We're each supposed to write "I can't" on a piece of paper along with something we can't do and then bury it in a hole.
Mike: I can't believe they're doing this crap. You know who's not burying words? The Chinese.

Mike: I'm gonna call and invite over a bunch of her friends.
Brick: Oh, no! I can't do small talk! Oh, I should have put that.
Axl: Yeah.
Mike: Come on, guys. I want to do this. We got some extra money from the diapers, so let's do something nice for her. You know, we really got our asses handed to us for Mother's Day. So if we can pull this off, she'd never see it coming.
Brick: Wait, so, all we have to do is be better than Mother's Day? Which one are we talking about? Yellow pants, expired gift card, or loose change in a baggie?
Mike: Somehow, we got to top all of those.

Brick: [to Ron Donahue] You know, I always thought I couldn't do small talk, but now I'm gonna try. My mother's 50th birthday brings up thoughts of the fleeting nature of time and my own ultimate demise. Oh, but look who I'm talking to. You're even older than my mom. This must be on your mind all the time.