Frankie: [v.o.] So Mother's Day was here, and I woke up to a sound I'd never heard before... Silence.
Frankie: Mike? Axl? Brick? Sue?
Frankie: [v.o.] I didn't know what to do first. Read... Sleep... Ooh, watch Oprah... Ooh, maybe I'd even go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door. Damn it. Don't have to go. Since I accidentally borrowed a few People magazines from my last dentist visit, I decided to read. And then I remembered something, I'm blind. But when I went to the junk drawer for my glasses, stupid thing was stuck. But you know what? Not a problem. I had a whole free day ahead of me, and I'd been wanting to fix that drawer for weeks. An hour later, I was done. Now I just had to put the giant screwdriver back where it belonged, and the rest of the day was mine.
Frankie: Oh, there's that flashlight. [sighs]
Frankie: [v.o.] So I decided to go through the batteries because you gotta have a flashlight in the house with batteries. But when I went to put it in Mike's nightstand, it was stuck, too. And then I found something you never want to find in your husband's nightstand. Something I couldn't ignore. An unpaid gas bill.
Frankie: [on the phone] Billing! Billing! I pressed "4." I want to talk to a human. Human! Yuck.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then after defrosting the freezer and scotchgarding the winter shoes, I don't even know how I ended up here.
Frankie: Crap. [pulls watch out of the toilet] Oh, no!
Frankie: [v.o.] It can't be 7:45! This can't be happening. I blew my whole Mother's Day.

Mike: How could we forget Mother's Day again? I count on you guys to remember this stuff.
Axl: How was I supposed to know it's even on a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar.

Frankie: Well, it's official. I'm a crappy mom.
Mike: Does this mean Sunday's off?
Frankie: I'm serious, Mike. I was talking to Sue, and I'd asked her if there was anything different she'd do when she had kids...
Mike: Why do you go looking for trouble?
Frankie: And she said she'd be more organized. [sighs] And do you blame her? I mean, when you're auditioning for Cabaret with only one character shoe 'cause your mom forgot to put the other shoe in your bag, who do you think's gonna get the part? The girl with the good mom, not Sue.
Mike: Maybe it made her stronger?
Frankie: [scoffs] That's B.S., and you know it. Look at this drawer. Yep, this is the kind of mother I am. Oh, silverware, panty liners, stamps, a roll of film... Oh, my Fitbit!
Mike: Frankie, it's the junk drawer.
Frankie: You know what? These aren't the junk drawers. This is the junk drawer. Yeah, happy Mother's Day, Frankie. You screwed up your kid, and that's something you'll have to live with for the rest of your life.
Mike: Hey, did you peek at the card we got you?

Frankie: How about you? When you're a mom, is there anything you'd do different?
Sue: What do you mean?
Frankie: Well, you know, my mom always did things I said I'd never do as a parent. So are there things you'd do different from me when you have kids?
Sue: Oh, no. Mom, you're perfect.
Frankie: [laughs] I don't know about perfect, but... No, really, there's nothing you'd change?
Sue: Nope. Well, I guess sometimes I wish you'd been more organized.
Frankie: Oh. Okay. Just 'cause I remember never having the permission slips to go on field trips, and it'd be kind of embarrassing 'cause I was the only one. Or sometimes when I would try out for things, I wouldn't have what I needed, so instead of pom-poms, I would have to do a cheer waving around a pair of dirty gym socks.
Frankie: Okay, got it, got it, got it.
Sue: So, yeah. I guess I just think it'd be super important to be organized. That's the kind of mom I'd want to be.
Frankie: Okay, good. I really need to concentrate on my driving right now.

Sue: Okay, so now we just got to find the ones she likes so we can put them in the rack and wrap them up nice. Look for anything with Sandra Bullock or the royal baby or the ones where people lose half of themselves.
Axl: [gasps] Hey! Mom and Dad have been sneaking good toilet paper in here. [gasps] It feels like a pillow for your butt. No wonder Dad always comes out of here whistling.
Sue: Oh, my God. Mom already has a magazine rack. Oh! And it's the exact one we got her!
Brick: Oh, just give her the new one and then take this one to our bathroom.
Sue: Nope, nope, nope. We got to go back right now and get her something else.
Axl: Oh, this is impossible. The woman already has everything. Why must we continue to spoil her?