Axl Quote #665
Sue: And who took my almonds? That is my brain food. [gasps] Axl, do not touch my brain food, or I will end you!
Hutch: Dude, what happened to your sister? She used to be so nice.
Axl: It's the whole house. Happened ever since I went to college. Clearly, I was the one keeping everyone happy.
Sue: I am serious, Axl. You stay away from my study food.
Axl: Relax. It's not like you're gonna get into college anyway. You'll probably end up getting a job at the quarry. Dad will stick you down some deep mine shaft, and you'll never come out. But don't worry. You won't be alone. You'll probably meet a mole man and have half-man-half-mole kids.
Sue: You are an odious and repugnant individual!
Quote from Sue
Frankie: [v.o.] Ah, high school, that carefree time in your life when the stress of the real world seems miles away at least, it used to be.
Sue: Ow! Oh! Hand cramp. Hand cramp!
Frankie: Sue, put that stuff away and get ready for school.
Sue: Mom, I am a junior now. It is not about high school anymore. It's about college. I have been working on this scholarship essay since 4:00 AM.
Frankie: Since when are you interested in studying American Forestry?
Sue: Hey, for 50 bucks, I will study anything they want me to. I am also applying for the local Al-Anon scholarship. I have to write an essay about my hardships and how I've overcome them. Speaking of, would you guys describe yourselves as more escapist drinkers or panic drinkers?
Mike: Escapist, definitely. Now let's go. You can do this after school.
Sue: N-- I can't. I'm picking up extra shifts at Spudsy's for my college fund. Then, I'm studying for the SATs. Then, I am doing community service at the Orson Senior Center cutting up meat for old people. I'm sorry, but I have to be assiduous right now. I've been getting the SAT word of the day on my computer. How lugubrious is that? Oh, wait, mm. I used that wrong.
Quote from Sue
Frankie: You know what's funny? You are the complete opposite of Axl. I swear, that kid never worried about college. I mean, I had to stay on him to make sure every little thing got done. But you-- I mean, you're always pushing yourself.
Sue: That's because I have to. I mean, it's just hard for me. I mean, I-I'm not super-smart like Brick. I'm not an athlete like Axl. I mean, yeah, I-I've made a couple of teams, but I don't know if you know this. Some of them I made by accident. I am just right in the middle. I'm the middle in my grades, the middle on teams, the middle child... the middle everything. If I were on the college admissions board, why would I pick me? I don't stand out in any way. I am completely average.
Frankie: Sue... listen to me. You know how much I worry about you? [holds fingers close together] This much. You know why? Because you have something I have never seen in any other person. When stuff happens to you, you bounce.
Frankie: Yeah. And that's huge. It's something I've always admired about you. Now, listen, I'm not saying everything comes easy for you. If it did, you wouldn't be my kid. But the one thing I do know is that you have so many amazing qualities that can't be measured by the SATs.
Sue: Do you know what I am, Mom? I am indefatigable.
Frankie: Yes, you are.
Quote from Sue
Sue: This is it! I got a letter from the Patriotism Scholarship people! Oh! In my hand, I hold the first piece of the puzzle that will send me on my journey to a higher education.
Frankie: Oh, boy, honey. Fingers crossed!
Sue: "Dear Sue, due to the record-high number of submissions" They had so many submissions! "...we regret to inform you that despite your wonderful essay" They loved my essay! "...we are unable to offer you a cholarship but look forward to you trying again next year". They look forward to me trying again next year!
Axl: Just give her a minute.
Sue: Wait. No! No! No! I'm so perturbed!
Quote from Bat Out of Heck
Mike: What's your problem?
Axl: You're still treating me like a kid! I don't need you to tell me how to do things anymore. You're telling me all the time. You're making me nuts. And I know I'm the younger lion and I'm challenging you and we're supposed to "lock horns"...
Mike: Lions don't have horns.
Axl: You don't need to tell me that lions don't have horns!
Mike: Well, you just said...
Axl: I know lions don't have horns. I just want to drive my own car.
Mike: Look, I'm older than you. I know you think you know best, but there's still a lot more you have to learn, and it's my job to teach you. It's been my job your whole life!
Axl: Okay, so, is that how it's gonna be, like, forever? 'Cause you'll always be older than me, and Grandpa Big Mike will always be older than you, and there's a guy in Jasper who's like 103. He'll always be older than all of us. Maybe he should drive us home.
Quote from Fight or Flight
Mike: What are you doing?
Axl: I'm packing my nunchucks for the trip.
Mike: Aw, that's great. The boy genius is packing his nunchucks. No one is letting you on a plane with nunchucks.
Axl: I believe you're thinking of toothpaste.
Mike: I'm not thinking of toothpaste!
Axl: All the stuff you know about air travel is what you've seen on the TV, but I'm doing the real thing.
Quote from Birds of a Feather
Axl: Oh! This is all your fault!
Frankie: What are you talking about?
Axl: I'll show you what I'm talking about. Axl Heck, star student of the week. Boom. Exhibit A. "I will be a rock star during the week and an astronaut on the weekends." Now that I'm older, I realize I should have reversed that, but you helped me with this. All through elementary school and middle school was, "You can be anything you want to be, Axl. Don't be afraid to dream big, Axl." Then I hit high school and you pull the rug out from under me! I wanted to start a T-shirt line. I wanted to be a reality star. And now, thanks to you, I'm stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life.
Frankie: [sighs] Axl, you're just an intern. This is not what you're gonna be doing forever.
Axl: Um, it's a little late to apply to astronaut school, so I think it is. Look at this. "Who are your heroes? Mommy, Daddy, and Spongebob." Guess it's just Spongebob now.