Brick: The Silligans come from a drier planet and are a rock-type people, whereas the Vernegos' habitat is a lusher, forest area...
Sue: Brick, enough! You have been droning on and on since we left. I am trying to concentrate. Aunt Edie's car is 3 feet wider than any car I've ever driven.
Brick: Sorry. Well, do you wanna listen to a book on tape?
Sue: Please. [tape rattling]
Brick: [on tape] But Soran would have to navigate the Asteroid belts of Norox without a working Pernovian laser. [whispers] Pernovian laser.
Sue: Is that you?
Brick: Uh-huh! I recorded the entire series on tape. I play them when my eyes are too tired from reading.
Brick: [on tape] As professor Faxon's prophecy foretold, Soran's quest...

Male Voice: [on film] [action music plays] Coming, Summer 2016. Based on the best-selling series that swept the nation... [music stops]
Man: [on film] Silligans.
Male Voice: [on film] David S. Rosenthal's... Planet Nowhere.
Brick: They're doing a movie about Planet Nowhere!
Male Voice: [on film] Hugh Jackman as Professor Faxon. Ray Liotta is Gackos the Batossian. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is Soran. And introducing Montana Steinberg as Princess Kalakare. [lasers blasting]
Kalakare: [on film] The Vernegos will prevail.
Brick: Princess Kalakare's 132 years old! That kid's not a day over 11! They can't do this! You can't do this!
Mike: Brick, it's not like the couch. You got to sit down.
Brick: Stop the movie! Stop the movie!

Brick: It's 10:00 AM. I didn't know whether I should wake you up. I already made myself breakfast and did my push-up. Today is my day, right?
Mike: It is, Brick. Sorry, we're just beat. It's been a long weekend.
Brick: I decided I don't wanna go to the library.
Frankie: Oh, good. Oh. I mean, we don't have to go anywhere to have a special day. We can just watch TV all day.
Brick: You always let me watch TV.
Frankie: Yes, but we'll let you watch it in bed with us.
Brick: No, I still wanna go somewhere. While I was waiting for you guys to wake up, I read in the newspaper that there's a Planet Nowhere convention in Indianapolis today.
Mike: Oh, come on, Brick, no. It's a long drive to Indianapolis.
Brick: Perfect. It'll give me plenty of time to fill you in on the series. See, what a lot of people don't know about the Planet Nowhere series is that it's an allegory. Now, all the tribes...

Frankie: [v.o.] Since the dawn of time, trying to get anywhere with your kids has been a challenge.
Axl: Oh, my God. Why are you so late? I've been standing out there forever. Look. I got a snotsicle.
Mike: Put your coat on, you moron.
Frankie: Ugh. Brick couldn't find his book. And you can't go to dinner like that.
Axl: I'm gonna change. Relax.
Mike: Don't tell your mom to relax.
Frankie: Brick wants to go to Don's Oriental Food.
Axl: Ugh! No way. No foreign food. I want spaghetti.

Frankie: Ugh. Yesterday's Don's Oriental Food is still not sitting so well.
Brick: Don's? I wanted to go there today.
Mike: Yeah, there's no way we're going there today.
Brick: Oh. Well, then, I want to go to... Juanita's Cocina.
Frankie: Oh, no. We gotta give the Chinese a chance to clear out before we let any other countries in. [burps] Sorry.