Salesman: Now let's get you two out of here. I'm sure you're busy. Would you like the extended warranty?
Mike: No.
Salesman: Assembly and delivery for $50 is usual-
Mike: No.
Salesman: Old mattress removal?
Mike: Nice try, but no.
Frankie: Let me save you some time. It's all "no." This is exactly how he was with the doctor, and that's why he got the-
Mike: Frankie!

Frankie: I made dinner.
Brick: Hang on. I'm on hold with the President.
Frankie: How's the bed looking?
Mike: Like it's still in the box. Sue, pass the chips. Brick, come on. Dinner.
Axl: He's holding for the President. He thinks he can talk him out of the Fitness Challenge.
Brick: Great. I'm being transferred to the Department of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. [whispers] Tobacco.

Frankie: You always do this, Mike. I try to change the slightest thing, and you go nuts, like when I switched ketchups. It's just ketchup!
Mike: The old ketchup was good. I was happy, something you'll never be because you're never satisfied... And you're always running around changing stuff.
Frankie: You know, when I told Nancy Donahue that you didn't want to get a new bed...
Mike: Why are you telling Nancy Donahue anything?
Frankie: Because she's my friend. If it were up to you, no one would know anything personal about us.
Mike: That's why they call it "personal"!