Axl Quote #251
Axl: What? Sick at school and then a party that night? Who could be this awesome? Funny you should "Ax".
Darrin: You are my God.
Sean: Nicely done. But wait, what are you gonna do about tomorrow? We only took the written part of the test today. Tomorrow's the oral exam.
Axl: What? Uh... Okay, okay, let's see. Well, looks like I'm gonna have to be sick again. I'm just gonna have to do the "sick, not sick, sick."
Darrin: But we have a game tomorrow.
Axl: Let me finish. I mean the "sick, not sick, sick... Not sick."
Darrin: [points at Axl] God.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Schmula. It's our sacred day of remembrance.
Senora Porter: You're Jewish?
Axl: I don't think it's legal for you to ask me that.
Senora Porter: Okay. Then why does being Jewish preclude you from taking the test?
Axl: If I get what "preclude" means, Schmula is our day of silence in honor of the harvest.
Senora Porter: In that case, Señor Heck, I'd be willing to come in on Saturday, and you can make up the test then.
Axl: Thank you for accommodating me, but unfortunately, I have to go to a funeral.
Senora Porter: I'm sorry to hear that. Who died?
Axl: My aunt. Her name's Betty Robinson. She was 97. She went off a bridge. It's right there in the paper. You can look it up.
Senora Porter: [reads paper] Oh, my gosh, Axl. I'm so sorry.
Axl: She shouldn't have been texting. Her last one was "Record Matlock." She'll never see that episode a fourth time.
Senora Porter: Look, don't you worry about the test. You take care of you.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Guess I'm gonna be sick that day.
Darrin: Wait. How do you know that?
Axl: I know it, Darrin, 'cause I'm gonna pretend to be sick.
Sean: You can't. That's Jack's party. Your parents will never let you go to a party after you've missed school.
Axl: Sure they will, 'cause I'm gonna do the "sick, not sick." Just got to lay a little groundwork. Like, the night before the test, I'll be "too sick" to go to that Hoosier game you invited me to.
Darrin: Hey. Since Axl's gonna be sick, can I go with you?
Axl: There is no game, Darrin. I'm gonna pretend there's a game, then pretend to be too sick for it, therefore "too sick" the next day to go to school and take the test. And then, 'cause I'm young and awesome, I speedily recover in time for Jack's party. [coughs]
Frankie: Are you okay?
Axl: Oh, yeah. It's just a little tickle. [Frankie walks away] Like taking candy from an old baby.
Quote from Bat Out of Heck
Mike: What's your problem?
Axl: You're still treating me like a kid! I don't need you to tell me how to do things anymore. You're telling me all the time. You're making me nuts. And I know I'm the younger lion and I'm challenging you and we're supposed to "lock horns"...
Mike: Lions don't have horns.
Axl: You don't need to tell me that lions don't have horns!
Mike: Well, you just said...
Axl: I know lions don't have horns. I just want to drive my own car.
Mike: Look, I'm older than you. I know you think you know best, but there's still a lot more you have to learn, and it's my job to teach you. It's been my job your whole life!
Axl: Okay, so, is that how it's gonna be, like, forever? 'Cause you'll always be older than me, and Grandpa Big Mike will always be older than you, and there's a guy in Jasper who's like 103. He'll always be older than all of us. Maybe he should drive us home.