Frankie Quote #406
Mike: We're doing a little thinking about Christmas. It seems that we don't always appreciate it the way we should.
Sue: Oh, no, we appreciate it. Mm, we totally appreciate it.
Frankie: Do you? Exhibit A. Does anybody recognize that?
Mike: We'll give you a hint. One of you had to have it just last year.
Axl: Well, it's lame, so I'll go with Sue.
Mike: Ooh! Sorry. We were looking for "Axl." The correct answer is "Axl."
Sue: And it's not even opened. Wow. That is unappreciative.
Frankie: Huh. That's funny you should say that, Sue. Or should I say... Exhibit B.
Sue: Oh! Thank you! I've been looking for this.
Frankie: Been in the middle of the pool table all year, right next to... Exhibit C!
Axl: A word-a-day calendar? Well, you know that's not mine.
Frankie: Brick stopped using it on January 2nd. And coincidentally, the word is "irresponsible."
Features in the collection: Christmas Quotes.
Brick: Hey, Dad, I've been working on the family Christmas letter, and I want to run it by you.
Mike: Uh, not a good time, Brick. I just drove all the way to Jasper and then to Bedford 'cause they put a tree on hold for me, which apparently means "sell it to whoever walks in and asks for one."
Brick: You know, if you can make that a bit more interesting, I think I can squeeze it in this baby. Here's what I got so far. "Dear friends, merry Christmas 2014. What a year. Mom doesn't wear pants anymore. She's got an unsightly bruise on her hip that's been there since July. She says if it doesn't go away in a week, she'll go to the doctor. Finances weigh heavy on our minds. The sink fell through the counter last month, and now we wash dishes in the shower. Axl's football career appears to be over, as he dropped the ball... both literally and figuratively." I'm very proud of that part.
Brick: "Mom and Dad stay up late worried about Sue doing something with Darrin called 'losing it.'"
Mike: Whoa! Brick, you can't say any of that stuff.
Brick: Why not? It's all true.
Mike: Yeah, well, that's exactly why. Christmas letters are just for the good things that happened in the last year.
Brick: Oh. Well, that's gonna be a lot harder. And shorter.
Mike: [chuckles] Yeah.
Frankie: Hey, where you going? And what's with the hat?
Axl: If you must know, it's part of our new business venture... "Tree Wise Men," a subsidiary of Boss Co. Enterprises. We're getting paid to put up people's Christmas lights and decorations. It's the season to get rich.
Frankie: Well, we have a tree right here, and as soon as it gets assembled, we are decorating it as a family.
Axl: Oh, but this is the only chance I get to hang out with my friends. Now that I'm in college, which you guys insisted on, I never get to see them anymore.
Frankie: Okay, but as soon as you get back, we're making a trip to the Frugal Hoosier. I'm filling two cars with stuff, and you're gonna be my Christmas helper.
Axl: Ugh. Fine. But I'm gonna need 10 bucks for my time.
Frankie: Oh, are we settling up? Because I put a bill together for all the things I've done for you, and it's a billion dollars.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Is that true? Are you weenying out on getting us presents?
Mike: Calm down. Nobody's weenying out of anything. There'll be presents, just maybe not so many.
Sue: All 'cause of an orange?
Brick: What's the orange?
Axl: You remember. From our stockings. That stupid orange from when Mom used to live on the prairie and all she got for Christmas was an orange.
Frankie: Uh, it wasn't frontier days, it's your great-grandmother during the Depression. How old do you think I am?
Axl: God, I don't know. I try not to think about you.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Glossners are hiding in the bushes. I saw them when Grandma took fudge over to the Donahues. I used her as a human shield.
Brick: I'm cold. I told you we needed a fireplace.
Axl: You can't put a fireplace in an igloo!
Brick: The eskimos do it all the time.
Axl: Oh, my God, Brick. Eskimos aren't even real. They're just in stories like leprechauns and trolls.
Quote from The Christmas Tree
Brick: Hey, Mom. Can I interest you in a decorative crock-pot cozy? Now you can leave your crock-pot out where everyone can see and save yourself unwanted embarrassment. It's for the women's club. These glasses are the prize for being their top seller.
Frankie: Let me guess. You're using the cozy money to pay off the peppermint-bark people.
Frankie: Brick, you're running a Ponzi scheme.
Brick: A Ponzi-what, now?
Frankie: You're using money you don't have to pay off the debt you had before, and now you got to go into even more debt to pay off this debt. It's an endless cycle. You're never gonna catch up.
Brick: Isn't that what you guys do with your credit cards?
Frankie: Well, yeah, but we're gonna die before they catch us.
Quote from The Shirt
Frankie: All I asked was for you to clean the bathroom! How hard is that?
Brick: Well, if you want to do it properly, you have to get to the root of the problem.
Frankie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Brick. We are not "root of the problem" people. The surface is where we live. You start chipping away and digging down to the root of everything, the whole place falls apart. The filth and grime is what's holding everything together. You want to see a video of how we fix things? We wipe, we slide, we shove, we close. If a drawer is too full to open, move on to the next one. Never open it again.