Pat: I'm thankful I'm still running on my own steam. [giggles]
Tag: What the hell's that mean? Don't make any sense.
Pat: I think I'm allowed to say what I'm thankful for without comments from the peanut gallery.

Frankie: So, Mom... What's the plan? When are you gonna start cooking tomorrow? Mike's been dreaming about your famous sweet potatoes.
Pat: Oh, don't worry, Mike. You're gonna get your sweet potatoes. This year, I prepared everything ahead of time and I froze it. Made these babies in July. After all, Thanksgiving is about the family, not the food.
Mike: It's a little about the food.

Pat: Oh, my gosh.
Frankie: Hey, Mom.
Pat: What are you girls doing here?
Frankie: We just thought we'd come up and surprise you. Looks like we did.
Pat: Oh, you know, just frosting my hair, frying a steak, and having a little glass of white zin. Okay, two glasses. You got me. [both laugh]
Frankie: Oh, well, you were looking good out there. Your leg must be feeling better.
Pat: Well, you know how sciatica is. It comes and goes. It helps to move around, and nobody gets me going like Barry.

Pat: Oh, look at you, Chop Suey. Oh, stop growing so fast and making me feel old.
Sue: Happy Mother's Day, Grandma.
Pat: Thank you, sugar. But you didn't have to come all this way. My gosh.
Frankie: Are you kidding? We couldn't let you be alone on Mother's Day.
Pat: Oh! Oh, you nut. Oh. Why did you do this? Ah. [opens present] Oh, my. Look at this. A food dehydrator.
Frankie: Well, I know how much you love dried apricots and raisins. So now you can buy apricots and grapes, make your own.
Pat: Oh, boy. And it's so big. Why don't I go make room for this in the kitchen? Come on, Chop Suey. You can help yourself to the candy drawer. Your grandpa's blood sugar's out of whack, so there's still some good stuff in there.
Sue: I don't deserve a treat. I stole an inspirational fridge magnet. [Frankie mouths to Pat]
Pat: Oh. Honey, we all do stupid things, but we all deserve chocolate. Come with Grandma. Let's talk about what happened.

Frankie: How do you guys survive with just basic cable? [Pat places down Frankie's grilled-cheese] Mm! Thanks, Mom. Ooh, this looks good. Aww! No chips? Hey, how long do you think it would take to make some pudding? Hmm? [Pat throws down a bag of chips for Frankie] Are you mad?
Pat: No. Anything else I can get you on Mother's Day?
Frankie: See, now you sound mad. I came here so you wouldn't be alone on Mother's Day.
Pat: Well, I'm sorry, but did you ever think maybe I wanted to be alone?
Frankie: You didn't wanna be with your daughter on Mother's Day?
Pat: Oh, I didn't say that.
Frankie: Yeah, you did, Mom. You said exactly that. You said, "Sorry, but did you ever think I wanted to be alone?"
Pat: What are you, a court reporter?

Frankie: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Axl, what are you doing? You're getting the floor all wet.
Axl: Are you on me, too? 'Cause I'm not a professional igloo builder. I'm doing my best.
Frankie: Clean up your mess.
Pat: It's just a little snow. He's a teenager. That's what they do. [hand gesture]
Frankie: Uh, what was that?
Pat: What was what?
Frankie: This. You waved me off.
Pat: Don't be ridiculous, I did not. [hand gesture]
Frankie: Aah! There! You're doing it again! I'm his mom, and I need him to clean up his mess.

Pat: Well, Aunt Helen comes home early from the bingo trip, and she found him with his home health care worker, proving services not covered by the HMO.
Frankie: [gasps] No.
Janet: Not again.
Pat: Yes, again. [Sue walks in] Uh, maybe we should talk about this later.
Frankie: It's okay. Sue can hear the family gossip. She is not a little girl anymore.
Sue: No, I am not. I matured on September 21st, if you know what I'm sayin'. I'm saying I got my period.
Pat: Yeah, we got the e-mail. So anyway, aunt Helen, who's still very feisty...
Frankie: [v.o.] And just like that, Sue became a member of the blah blah sisterhood.

Pat: We would have been here two hours ago! But Vasco de Gama here decided to take one of his legendary shortcuts. He got so lost, we never got to stop at Costco!
Tag: What, so you couldn't get your giant pop and hot dog? Do you know how many carbs are in one of them buns?
Pat: You lose 4 pounds, and suddenly you're Jack LaLanne!
Both: Happy Thanksgiving!

Brick: Get this apparently, the scenes in Love Story with Oliver walking through a snowy New York were added after principal photography was completed. After!
Pat: Oh, I just adored Love Story. Hey, Brick, why don't I rent us a copy, and you and I can watch it together?
Brick: Why would we do that?
Tag: I'm with you, Brick. Love Story was a lousy movie.
Pat: What do you know? You slept through it like every movie we see. Then you woke up and said it didn't make sense.
Tag: I'll tell you what was a good picture. The Longest Day. You ever see that?
Pat: Don't need to. I'm living it.

Frankie: [v.o.] While Mike was searching for a rogue Scout, I was Aunt Edie's, talking to my mom.
Pat: Look, honey, any dental office would be lucky to have you.
Frankie: Yeah, blah, blah, blah.
Pat: No. It's true. People have always loved being around you. All the moms wanted you in their carpool. You were very lively.
Frankie: You know, I have noticed that when I sign up for something at church, one or two people sign up after me.
Pat: I did not give birth to average people. I am telling you, you are the whole package. You are a warm, special, beautiful, amazing person. And if they don't believe that, they can call me.
Frankie: Oh, thank you.
Frankie: [v.o.] Mom always seems to have the answers. Why did I ever move out?