Axl: Well, sounds like you two have a lot to catch up on. I'm gonna use your steam shower. Do you have that conditioner I asked for? I can't use what you'll use, 'cause I don't want my hair to look like... that. Toast me a bagel in seven minutes.

Mike: Shut your eyes, Frankie. I got a surprise for you. Hey, baby. I got you a baby.
Frankie: I don't understand.
Mike: Nothing to understand... got you a baby.
Frankie: What do you mean, you got me a baby?
Mike: It's Dierdre's. She's letting us borrow it. I forgot to ask whether it's a boy or a girl, but I figure we'll find out eventually.
Frankie: What? Why are we watching it?
Mike: Well, she was supposed to go out, but her mom had some fake dizzy spell, but she was all dressed up, so I felt bad. She was wearing clunky jewelry. I don't know what that is, but she made it seem like it's a big deal.
Frankie: And you just offered to babysit?
Mike: Why do you sound angry?
Frankie: Because I am angry!
Mike: You said you wanted a baby.
Frankie: No, I didn't!
Mike: Yes, you did. You were upset about your dried-out ovaries, and you wished you could have a baby, so... [high-pitched] got you a baby!

Frankie: I wished I could still have a baby if I wanted to, but I don't want to. Take that baby back.
Mike: I can't take the baby back. I promised Dierdre we'd watch it.
Frankie: Damn it! I had plans tonight. I was gonna watch Outlander and eat my frosting sandwich. And have you forgotten how much work babies are, huh... all the crying and feeding them and diapering them? I spent my entire 30s with my hands smelling like butt cream. I would eat a cookie and think, "What's that weird smell? Oh, yeah, butt cream." [baby coos]
Mike: [singsong] Doo-dee, doo-dee, doo-dee, doo.
Frankie: [sighs] Fine. When are they getting home?
Mike: [normal voice] Tomorrow.
Frankie: Tomorrow?!
Mike: Her husband got her Brad Paisley tickets for their anniversary.
Frankie: Now, that's a good present.

Sue: And then I think "Where do I fit in this world?" 'Cause some days I feel like I'm special, but then I think, "Who am I to even think that I'm special?" You know? Do you feel special?
Sean: Hmm. You know, in my anatomy class, we read about this new study, and even in identical twins where all the genes are supposed to be exactly alike, there's this "X" factor that makes them different. It's like snowflakes... no two people are exactly the same. But even if I never read that, I'd know that you, Suzy Q, are a very special snowflake.
Sue: You know, it is so great to hear things from a guy's perspective. My dad isn't much of a talker, you know? And Axl isn't always very sensitive.

Sue: Oh, sorry. Uh... Lexie, this is Sean Donahue. Sean, this is my roommate Lexie.
Lexie: Donahue... Wait. I know that name. Your mom sends Sue those care packages. Tell her her scones are amazing.
Sean: Yeah, yeah, she'll tell you it's the love, but it's really the five pounds of butter.

Sean: Look at you. Can't believe you've already been married and divorced. Now you're dating your ex-wife? You're such a playa.
Axl: Well, yeah, I'm a playa. Or it's just weird. I don't know.
Sean: Yeah, how exactly does that work?
Axl: I don't know. We see each other when we can. There's no real rules. I don't know what I'm doing.
Sean: Well, as long as you're happy.
Axl: Yeah, that's why we got divorced. We were happy.

Sean: ...so I hope with five interviews at different med schools, at least one of them will like me.
Lexie: With that smile? I'm willing to bet at least two of them will like you.
Axl: Well, while you're interviewing for schools, I'll be interviewing for actual jobs where they give me money. [laughs]
Sean: Good, you're gonna need it to pay my bill when I'm your doctor.
Axl: Well, you're gonna need to pay my bill when I'm your businessman.

Axl: Is it me, or was that weird?
Sue: Yes. I mean, I love that Sean and Lexie went off together, 'cause they're both great.
Axl: Yeah, they're awesome. And it's cool that Lexie was being so nice to Sean, 'cause he's got that squeaky-clean, successful med-school-student thing that most girls are not that into.
Sue: I just hope he wasn't put off by her, 'cause she was so obvious. You order a salad in front of a guy, it's like, "Hello! Please marry me."
Axl: Uh, Sean was the obvious one. "You're so pretty. You look like Snow White." Lame.
Sue: What about Lexie, showing off her Ezekiel Gumford knowledge?
Axl: I just thought Sean had game, but if that's his game, then damn. But, hey, if Lexie liked it, then great. That's great. They're both great. And if they were a couple, they'd be twice as great.
Sue: Oh, duh! My best friend and my neighbor who's like a brother to me... and nothing more... end up together? What could be better than that? I actually now hope it happens. I'm gonna pray on it tonight. Do you weirdly feel like you want to eat a lot of ice cream right now?
Axl: I weirdly do.
Sue: Yeah.

Frankie: [baby cries] Oh, it's okay, little angel. It's okay.
Mike: Let me try. [grunts] Oh, I know. [sings] Indiana, our Indiana, Indiana, we're all for you We will fight for Indiana and the glory of old IU IU! [crying stops] [they high-five] [quietly] Look at that. I love that... when they smile in their sleep, dreaming their little baby dreams.
Frankie: [quietly] Oh, my God. You didn't get this baby for me. You got it for you. [baby fusses]
Mike: What? No. I got it for you.
Frankie: You just sniffed its head. You got it for you.
Mike: Oh, okay. So what if I did? I don't know. I was just thinking, the kids are growing up. And Sue's been calling me, but today, she didn't call at all.
Frankie: I thought you hate to chat.
Mike: Yeah. [sniffs baby's head] I'm glad you're a girl. I wanted a girl.

Frankie: [baby fusses] Oh, my gosh. Do you know where we are?
Mike: [sighs] Hell?
Frankie: [scoffs] We just drove past the doll hospital, and you're about to turn on Applewood.
Mike: [scoffs] Ah, it's "the route."
Frankie: How many times did we take this drive to get the kids to stop crying when they were babies?
Mike: Must've been a lot, 'cause my body just drove us here automatically.
Frankie: Axl was the worst, remember?
Mike: Mm.
Frankie: Ugh! [baby cries, fusses] We had to drive with him for hours... and listen to that Sesame Street cassette over and over.
Mike: But we had to skip that song with the Count.
Frankie: Oh, yes! He was terrified of the Count! Aww!
Mike: I always liked Oscar. The guy just liked trash... [chuckles] ...and didn't want other people messing it. Why's that make him a grouch?