Frankie: So, Mike... [sighs] I wanted to talk to you about something. I know this is gonna sound a little crazy... Well, a lot crazy, super-duper crazy... [sighs] But maybe we should think about going to North Carolina.
Mike: [chuckles] You're kidding. Frankie... You were the one who's been talking about how this is gonna be a winning trip. And now you're throwing that into the mix? That's not Orlando thinking.
Frankie: Okay, look, Brick and this girl have a connection. Brick has a connection with another human being. I mean, I saw a picture. She looks cute.
Mike: Seriously? North Carolina? W-why can't he find someone here in Orson?
Frankie: He's known here, Mike. You're lucky we're not having to go off to Europe. I mean, look, they have been talking for two months. You know he said something weird. And they're still together. That has to mean something.
Mike: Yeah, that she's even weirder than he is.
Frankie: Yeah, well, so what if she is? This is someone Brick likes and has liked for a significant amount of time. That's huge for Brick. I mean, it all sounds very Orlando to me.
Mike: So, we're just gonna show up at some girl's house in North Carolina. That is the craziest thing you've ever said.
Frankie: [sighs] Okay... look at it this way. What if, by some miracle, she turns out to be the right person for him, the love of his life, and they end up getting married and giving us adorable grandkids.
Mike: Yeah, he tried that on me, too. What else you got?

Sue: Hey. What's wrong?
Axl: Grades are up. [inhales sharply] Oh, no, I can't look. You look for me. [breathes deeply] [grunts] Uh...
Sue: You got a "B".
Axl: I got to be what, Sue?
Sue: No, in English, you got a "B".
Axl: What? I got a "B"?
Sue: Mm-hmm.
Axl: You're kidding. Uh, what about psychology?
Sue: Oh, a "B"!
Axl: [gasps] And History?
Sue: Another "B".
Axl: World religions?! [grunts] A B-minus. [gasps] Which still counts as a "B". I got all B's. You can't get any better than that! Whoo!

Axl: I got all B's in college. I got all B's. I'm a straight-up "B" student!
Frankie: Oh, my God! Axl, we're so proud of you!
Mike: Way to go, Axl! Wow.
Axl: Yeah. You know what this means? In your face!
Frankie: What? What are you talking about?
Axl: The deal.
[flashback to Axl lounging on the couch:]
Mike: Don't you have a test tomorrow?
Axl: I got it under control. Relax.
Frankie: Okay, fine, we'll leave you alone. But if you don't get at least B's this semester, you're moving home.
Axl: Fine, but if I do get all B's, you can't talk to me all summer.
Mike: Fine.
Frankie: Yeah, you got it.

Frankie: [v.o.] So, finally, we were on our way to Disney World. And no one was more excited than Sue. To be fair, no one was ever more excited than Sue about anything... ever.
[montage:]
Sue: I made 14 different playlists for the drive. ["Disney's electrical parade" plays] This one is the Disney main street electrical parade soundtrack. Isn't it amazing?
Sue: Let's play the license-plate game! [gasps] Oh, Indiana! One point for me.
Sue: 1,114 miles to Disney World! Coming up on 1,113 miles to Disney World!
Frankie: Okay, Sue, why don't we try that every 50 miles?

Frankie: And, Axl, make sure you get some rest 'cause you're coming up in the driving rotation. Axl? Axl?
Axl: I feel like someone's talking to me, but that's not possible... 'Cause you're not allowed to talk to me.
Brick: We're allowed to talk to you, right, Axl?
Axl: I'm not encouraging it, but, yes.
Frankie: Axl, there's some basic things we have to talk to you about. [Axl coughs] Sue, tell Axl there's some basic things we have to talk to him about.
Axl: Look, I-it's just the beginning of the summer, and you're already failing. We're gonna have to institute some kind of penaltysystem so you'll learn. I got it. You owe me $50 every time you talk to me.
Frankie: We're not doing that.
Axl: That's $50 right there.
Mike: Axl, we're not paying you $50...
Axl: That's $100.
Mike: Oh, you heard that.
Axl: That's $150. You want to go for $200?
Mike: How dumb do you think...
Frankie: Mike, stop talking.

Sue: Why is he your favorite? So I'm neither of my dads' favorites? Fine. I am gonna go live with Aunt Janet. But, wait, I am not talking about this because no one is going to crash and nobody is going to die.
Axl: You're right, Sue. We're not all gonna die. Some of us might just be burnt beyond recognition.
Brick: If some of us are burned beyond recognition, can we still go to Disney World? I mean, after we pay our respects to the less fortunate.
Sue: Why did you look at me, Brick?
Brick: You're the one who drove us into oncoming traffic.
Axl: You killed us all, Sue. Good job.

Axl: Fine. If you're not willing to give me the reward that's rightfully mine, I will just have to come up with something of equal or greater value. Okay, from now on, I will listen to you provided you address me as "Sir Axl, Duke of Awesomeness."
Frankie: Seriously? That's what you want?
Axl: I can't hear you.
Frankie: That's what you want, Sir Axl, Duke of Awesomeness?
Axl: It is-ith.
Sue: You're really gonna call him that? Why does he always get what he wants? I can't drive, but we all have to call him Sir Axl, Duke of Awesomeness? Well, I am not gonna do that.
Axl: Well, fine, then I'm not talking to you for the rest of the trip.
Frankie: Sir Sxl, Duke of Awesomeness, stop being mean to your sister!
Brick: I don't want Axl to be my dad.
Axl: Well, if Sue gets behind the wheel, I will be! [imitates tires screeching, explosion] Stop it.

Frankie: [v.o.] So, four hours and two states out of our way, we made the quick stop somewhere outside of Greenville, North Carolina, to have Brick meet his girlfriend. People do things for their kids, okay?
Mike: All right, we're here. [crickets chirping]
Brick: This is it? Really? I would have thought Disney World would be a little fancier.
Frankie: No. This is your girlfriend's house. We're here.
Brick: Oh. Did I not mention that we broke up last night?
Mike: You're kidding.
Sue: Brick!
Frankie: What?!
Axl: When Mom and Dad are dead, you are so grounded.
Frankie: No. You did not, Brick. You did not... mention that.
Brick: You don't understand... she went through the Jelly Gates and into the Golden Castle of Akbar without me. I mean, how can I have a relationship with someone who would do something like that?

Frankie: Wow. Brick's first kiss. That was way easier than I thought.
Brick: Well, looks like I'm the only one who's kissed a girl on this trip. Who's the Duke of Awesomeness now?

Sue: Oh, my God. No days 'till Disney World!