‘Not Your Brother's Drop Off’
Season 7, Episode 1 - Aired September 23, 2015
Sue can barely contain her excitement as she gets ready to leave for college. Frankie tries to hide the fact she just isn't feeling emotional about Sue leaving, while Mike is making sure his daughter is ready for life in the real world. Meanwhile, Brick is surprised when his girlfriend Cindy tells him she wants to take their relationship to the "next level".
Quote from Brick
Frankie: Hey, there's my big 8th grader. How was the first day?
Brick: It was awesome. I attended all my classes in the proper order. And at the afternoon pep rally, I got to go, "'8th grade.' say it a little louder now. '8th grade!'" and I didn't think the pizza bag could get any better, but strapping it to Aunt Edie's oxygen cart has kicked it up to a whole new level of portability. Yep, looks like the Year of Brick is off to a great start.
Sue: Whoa. Whoa. It can't be the year of Brick. It's still the year of Sue.
Brick: I thought the year of Sue was last year.
Sue: Sorry, Brick. It's the Year of Sue.
Brick: No, it's the Year of Brick.
Mike: I'm gonna end this right now. It's the Year of the Colts! Done.
Quote from Mike
Mike: Hey, I taught her how to defend herself in case someone tries to take her purse. [limps] And she's pretty good at it.
Frankie: [chuckles] Well, maybe she's built up some aggression. You have been kind of on her all summer.
Mike: I'm sorry, but until she knows all this stuff, I'm not gonna feel comfortable sending her away.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Here's the thing, Mike. I'm fine.
Mike: What?
Frankie: Yeah. About Sue leaving, I'm fine. I'm really not that upset.
Mike: What?
Frankie: Yeah, I know. It's bad, right? I keep waiting for it to happen, and it just doesn't. And I don't know why. I mean, maybe it's because I've already gone through it with Axl. Maybe it's because I know the campus. Maybe it'll just hit me later. I don't know. But I'm not feeling anything.
Mike: Well, what was all that out there, then?
Frankie: Hello?! Acting. You don't get cast as Ozian number four at the Orson community theater unless you got some chops. But, look, I just don't want her to feel bad. You heard her. She's the second child. She feels like she never gets the same as Axl. [sighs] It's just an iconic moment for her, and I just don't want to short-shrift her.
Quote from Mike
Sue: Why did you buy a curling iron at a garage sale? A new curling iron is like 8 bucks. What is wrong with this family?
Mike: That is a question we're not gonna answer tonight, but let's focus some of that energy on what we can do something about. You got 10 seconds to show me a square knot. Go.
Sue: [sighs] Is it looking any better?
Frankie: Tons... it's really bouncy and light. It's beachy.
Mike: Time.
Frankie: Really, Mike? Knots? Right now?
Mike: What? She's up anyway. And, hey, I wanted to start on knots in June, but you said she should enjoy life before the stress of college kicks in. And now this is her square knot. That lifeboat she needed to anchor to the dock just floated away. She's dead.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Did a rat die in the furnace again? It smells like burning hair. Whoa.
Sue: It's not my fault. It's Mom's cheap garage-sale curling iron.
Axl: Well, isn't this just perfect? Take a physical oddity, turn her into an emotional wreck, dump her on me.
Frankie: It's gonna be fine, Sue. [sighs] All we need to do is layer and bury the mistake. Bury the mistake.
Axl: Well, I suggested that years ago, but you guys said we had to keep her.
Quote from Cindy
Frankie: [v.o.] At this point, if we had to pick whose year it was gonna be, my money was on Brick. He'd just discovered 8th graders don't need a hall pass to go to the bathroom, which, for Brick, meant a license to read without interruption.
Cindy: [o.s.] Brick, do you have a minute?
Brick: Cindy?
Cindy: We've been going out almost a year now. I think it's time to take our relationship to the next level.
Brick: Okay?
Quote from Axl
Brick: It's kind of urgent, actually. She says she wants to take our relationship to the next level.
Axl: Ooh! She is a saucy one. [chuckles] So, what's the next level?
Brick: Well, that's the problem. She didn't say. I know it's not talking to me while I'm pooping 'cause she's already done that.
Axl: Okay, Brick, well, what we're gonna want to do is find out what level you're at now and go up from there, so, where would you say you are now?
Brick: Wait, how many levels are there?
Axl: About 47. 68 if you're in Europe. You're gonna want to skip level 9, and levels 12 through 15 require a stepladder and a car.
Brick: Hold on. Let me get a pencil.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: [v.o.] So, the next day, after all those long months of anticipation, the wait was finally over. Well, almost.
Frankie: Come on, Sue. What's the holdup?
Sue: [o.s.] Uh, I kind of did something, and I'm not sure if I should come out.
Axl: I got this one. Hey, Sue, listen, if you're second-guessing going to college and want to just stay in your room forever, I think that's a great instinct. I'm sure Mom and Dad will get you some food every once in a while, and maybe, some day, they'd find some prairie cult dude who's willing to take you in as wife number three.
Quote from Axl
Axl: [over radio] Sue, I actually have a two-part memory.
Sue: [gasps] Ooh, Axl has a memory. You are cleared on channel one for your Sue memory. Over.
Axl: The first part is how I saw you getting your diploma, and I couldn't help smiling 'cause I was just so proud of you. And the second part is... [farts]
Sue: [scoffs] Axl, that was disgusting. Over.
Brick: It's worse back here. Over.
Mike: Can this be over? Over.
Quote from Sue
Brick: [over radio] You know what, I'm just going to ask her. It's time I grab the bull by the horns. After all, it is the Year of Brick.
Sue: Hello?! Check the calendar. It's not the Year of Brick. It's the year of Sue. And it's the drop-off of Sue, which she's been dreaming about her whole life, but is now being ruined because everyone is more concerned with Brick. And there's only 29 minutes left, and we haven't even shouted out our top 10 Sue catchphrases yet. I'll go first. "Did someone say 'cake'?" Remember that one?
Axl: No! I can't take it anymore! I got to get away from these people.