Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, there's a day that every mother looks forward to all year long.
Frankie: That's it. I'm putting a bullet in Mother's Day.
Sue: What? What are you talking about?
Frankie: I thought about it, and after 22 years, I don't want any more yellow pants or a gift card for laser tag or half a burrito at 11:59 p.m. I'm gonna save us all a lot of heartbreak and call Mother's Day. It's done. And I promise I'm good with it.
Axl: Don't listen to her, Dad. It's a trap.
Mike: Yeah, I'm staying on high alert.

Brick: But I was actually on top of it this year. Look. I already made you a card. "To the woman who gave birth to me. Love, Brick." Wow. [rips up piece of paper] Guess I did all that work for nothing.

Frankie: Or how about this? Instead of spending one day doing nice things for me, how about you spread out the niceness throughout the year?
Axl: Oh, my God. I knew it. I knew it was a trap. This is way worse than Mother's Day. Now we're supposed to be nice to her all the time?
Frankie: Okay, forget it. You don't have to be nice to me on Mother's Day or any other day of the year.

Frankie: [v.o.] So, Mother's Day was off, and I was feeling good. Not really. I was starving all day. I wonder what's in the fridge. I think there's only half a head of lettuce. Why did I even buy lettuce? Who even eats lettuce? A rabbit? Wait. Didn't we have a rabbit once? Where'd that rabbit go? God, I'm hungry. [sighs] Ooh, Bodean's Fresh Fare. Ooh, that's the nice market with the good chicken. Should I? Fancy chicken? No, you know what? I gave up my Mother's Day. I'm gonna treat myself to chicken in the car. [scanner beeping] Or chicken in line.

Frankie: Hey, Mom. Happy Not Mother's Day.
Pat: Aww, happy Not Mother's Day to you, too, honey.
Frankie: So, what did Dad get you?
Pat: Ugh, he got me a candle. What is that? He knows smells bother me.

Frankie: Well, you are not gonna believe what just happened to me at the store. I forgot my wallet, and this nice man in line bought my chicken for me. He wouldn't even let me pay him back. Isn't that sweet?
Mike: So he was hitting on you?
Brick: Why would anyone hit on Mom?
Frankie: Someone could hit on me.
Sue: So was he?
Frankie: No, he was old. Like 65.
Pat: Oh. 65 is old?
Frankie: Fine. He wasn't old, and he wasn't hitting on me. You're all missing the point of the story.
Axl: All I know is, if I'm buying a woman chicken, I'm expecting something in return.

Frankie: Look, the point is, he made me realize that maybe Mother's Day should be about people wanting to do nice things for each other out of the goodness of their hearts. Anyway, I was thinking about it on the way home, and that's what I want for Not Mother's Day... for every one of us to pay it forward to somebody else in the family.
Axl: [groans]
Mike: Told you... high alert.
Frankie: Okay, so I'm putting everybody's name in this hat, and so whoever you pick, you have to do something nice for them this weekend. Doesn't have to be a gift. Could be a kind gesture. And, Brick, you go first.
Brick: I got Mom. Great. It's Mother's Day all over again. [Frankie sighs]
Mike: Sue.
Sue: [gasps] Oh, my God, Dad. I cannot wait to see what you get me.
Mike: Don't get too excited. It's gonna be something small.
Sue: I love small things.

Axl: Yes! [chuckles] I got myself.
Frankie: Axl, you can't pay it forward to yourself. Who wants to trade with Axl?
Axl: Nope, nope. It's all right. I want myself. I welcome the chance to be selfish for a change. I mean, isn't it about time I put me first? Hmm?

Mike: Janet's wedding? How do you even remember that? That was 20 years ago.
Pat: Oh, there isn't really a statute of limitations on humiliation, is there?

Brick: Okay, just got to cross out "the woman who gave birth to" and "Axl." Paid it forward. Done and done.