Lexie: Okay, I understand. It's just... are we... [sighs] Are we gonna have to, like, not do anything fun ever... forever?
Axl: What does that mean?
Lexie: I mean, I was totally fine staying in and getting pizza every night when we were both in college, but now that you have a real job and you're gonna be getting paid...
Axl: [scoffs] Do you have any idea how little entry-level plumbing supply salesmen make? Here, take a look at my bank account. [shows Lexie his phone]
Lexie: Oh, my God. Where's the rest of it?

Axl: S-See what I'm saying? You've got ranches. I'm sitting here gluing my shoe back together. And it's not even Super Glue. It's Frugal Hoosier Okay Glue.
Lexie: I understand. I really do. That's why I wish that you would just let me pay for stuff.
Axl: Uch, I told you... I'm not gonna be the guy who takes money from his girlfriend. Sorry, Lex, but if you're with me, you're not getting someone who can go skiing and do all that "après" stuff. But everything else you're getting is "après"-tty good. [kisses Lexie] [sighs] I'm gonna go get us some dinner I can afford. I know it sucks for you not to be able to do all of the rich people stuff you like to do, but at least I have my dignity. [walks away with a magazine stuck to his sneaker]

Frankie: Okay, get this. I was at the mall and I was walking by the area where all the kiosks are, and next to the hair-braiding one, in front of the old Ann Taylor Loft, there was this woman with a new kiosk, and she was a life coach.
Mike: That's where all your best life coaches are... working a kiosk at the mall.
Frankie: I'm telling you, this woman was incredible. I told her my situation, and she got it, Mike. She really got it. We started talking, and she was able to pinpoint all of my strongs.
Mike: Your "strongs"?
Frankie: Yeah, it's a more forceful word for strengths. It's a life-coaching thing. You wouldn't understand.
Mike: So what do they call your weaknesses, your "weaks"?
Frankie: No. They call those "stretches."
Mike: Huh. So what's it gonna be now? Restarting your beading business? Baking organic dog biscuits?

Frankie: Nope. I'm gonna be a life coach.
Mike: W-Wait, what? You just went to see a life coach.
Frankie: Yeah, I went to a life coach, and the life coach told me I should be a life coach.
Mike: So, four hours ago, you didn't know what to do with your life, but now you're gonna be telling other people what to do with theirs?
Frankie: Look, she said I was very empathetic and understanding, which are the exact qualities you need to be a life coach. See, you are not empathetic. I would identify that as one of your stretches.

Frankie: [v.o.] So I set out to find clients for my life-coaching business and after a near arrest in the Dairy Queen parking lot, decided to try a place where people definitely needed to get a life.
Reverend TimTom: G-55. G as in Genesis. [plays guitar and sings] Adam and Eve were in the book of Genesis The garden of Eden is where they met their nemesis [talks] Don't be tempted by the serpent.
Frankie: [clears throat] How would you like to wake up excited every day? Hi, I'm Frankie Heck, life coach.
Reverend TimTom: N-31.
Frankie: Yeah, I'm gonna need that card back, though. I only made one till I know if I'm really gonna stick with it.
Reverend TimTom: N as in Noah. [plays guitar and sings] The ark was built by a guy called Noah He gathered up all the animals and said, "Let's go-ah" [talks] 40 days and 40 nights.
Woman: Bingo!
Reverend TimTom: Okay! Well, let's, uh... Let's take a short break so everybody can get some punch. One announcement... We found a lost denture plate in the women's room, so, ladies, keep your eyes on your teeth.

Frankie: I'm singing with Reverend Timtom!
Mike: What happened to being a life coach?
Frankie: Yeah, that's out.
Mike: I don't get it.
Frankie: What's not to get? I went to a life coach, I became a life coach, and I life-coached myself into becoming a singer. Good thing I only made one business card.

Mike: How's it going in there?
Brick: Hey, Dad. Everything's going good.
Mike: You guys are getting along?
Sue: Yep. Yep. We are in this thing together.
Brick: That's right. Whatever credit there is for this is shared equally between us.
Sue: Oh, no, Brick's being modest. He's really done most of the work. I'd say like 80%/20%.
Brick: Mm.

Axl: All right, I'm out of here. Hey, you wanna watch a movie when I get back? My treat. I got Kenny's Hulu password.
Lexie: Sounds good.
Axl: [chuckles] Whoa! [laughs] $100.
Lexie: Oh, my God! That happens to me all the time! You know when you find money in your pocket from like a year ago? Lucky you!
Axl: Huh.
[later:]
Lexie: Hey, Axl, did you order some steaks?
Axl: Uh, no.
Lexie: Hmm. They must've been delivered here by accident. Oh, well, we better eat 'em before they go bad. Good thing I bought baked potatoes and a salad.
[later:]
Axl: What's this? Whoa. Two tickets to see Demetri Martin. For tonight.
Lexie: Oh, my gosh. Someone must have dropped them. How lucky are we? We love him!

Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] At home or school or on the bus There's always a better word than a cuss
Frankie: [sings] You can check the Bible God never worked blue
Reverend TimTom: He used clean alliteration and so should you Don't curse.

Frankie: You guys! You guys! It went so well! The church liked our duo so much that they booked us for a run of shows every Tuesday in Multipurpose Room B until the Easter musical! That's pretty much residency, like Celine Dion in Las Vegas. I can't believe this. I am living my dream! [walks off]
Brick: To be fair, she works in a dental office. Anything else is gonna seem fun.
Sue: That's true.
Mike: Yep.