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Major Changes

‘Major Changes’

Season 3, Episode 4 -  Aired October 5, 2011

When Axl causes Frankie to have a gross experience, she decides it's time for major changes around the house, and takes refuge with her mother, Pat (Marsha Mason).

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Oh, my God. Let me see that. Pam Staggs is gonna be on Wheel Of Fortune?
Mike: Hmm.
Frankie: How'd she get on the Wheel? I know she moved to St. Louis a while ago. Do you think she went to Hollywood, or did the Wheel come to St. Louis? They do that sometimes. How'd Pam Staggs I went to high school with get on the Wheel?
Mike: I'd like to solve the puzzle. Who cares?
Frankie: It's the Wheel, Mike. She could win a fortune in cash and prizes. Wow. Pam Staggs. She was a cheerleader, always carried a LeSportsac. She had Pong before anybody.
Mike: Ah, Pong.
Frankie: Okay, everybody? Listen up. Tonight I'm rushing home, and between 7:30 and 8:00, that TV is mine. Don't even think about watching my TV. Here. I got to take a shower. If I'm gonna sneak out an hour early, I can't be more than an hour late. [washes herself in the sink] Holy crap. Pam freaking Staggs is on the Wheel.

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Quote from Frankie

Mike: Ooh. Someone's gonna sell a car today.
Frankie: Heh, how about you put some of that hilarious energy into making lunches? Ugh. This dishwasher's getting worse. I think it's actually putting food on.

Quote from Frankie

Axl: What?!
Sue: Mom ate your toenails!
Axl: [laughs] Seriously?
Frankie: You clip your toenails into a chip bag? Who does that? What the hell is the matter with you?!
Axl: What?! You yell at me when I leave 'em on the table. You yell at me when I leave 'em in the chip bag! God! There's no pleasing you people!
Mike: What's going on?
Axl: Mom's wigging out 'cause she ate my toenails.
Mike: What? [Frankie groans as she sprays the kitchen hose into her mouth]
Sue: Axl clipped his toenails into a chip bag, and Mom ate 'em.
Frankie: Stop saying it out loud!

Quote from Mike

Mike: No, what you gotta do is take some time to think about what we did as a family that caused this. Mom said "major changes." Go to your room and you figure out what kind of major changes you all need to make, and I'm gonna do the same. [sits on the couch and turns the TV on]

Quote from Brick

Brick: Uh, Mom? How long have you known about this?
Frankie: I don't even know what that is. Why aren't you dressed?
Brick: It's some kind of catalog called Chow Down Chicago, where you can order food and they'll deliver it to you... from Chicago. Can I have it?
Frankie: Sure, whatever. Knock yourself out. Just get dressed.
Brick: Thank you.

Quote from Axl

Axl: What did he get? What did you just give him?
Mike: Stupid old catalog.
Axl: I want an old catalog.
Frankie: Axl, what is the matter with you? We do not put shoes where we serve food.
Axl: Hey! Whoa! Watch the hat! I've been working this hat all summer to arrive at the optimum level of awesomeness. The shape of the brim, the degree of fade-age, and look... It gives me the perfect amount of skull room.
Mike: Yeah, that's a waste of space.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: TV's mine! Tell me I didn't miss it, tell me I didn't miss it.
Brick: Mom, do we want our Wrigley Field Popcorn Bonanza filled with caramel corn or spicy ranchero?
Frankie: Shh! No food talk right now, Brick. Okay? I'm starving, I'm dirty, and I wanna watch the Wheel.
Brick: [on the phone] I'm gonna have to call you back, Carol.

Quote from Frankie

Mike: Axl, you what?
Sue: It's your fault, Axl. Why'd you even clip your toenails into a stupid chip bag?
Axl: I'm not the one on trial here! Why don't you ask Mom why she ate them?
Mike: Yeah. That's actually a good question.
Frankie: Oh, I don't know. Maybe my life was going too well, and I just wanted to feel a little less human. Ugh! I can still taste it on my tongue. [squirts dish soap into mouth]
Brick: You know what might get the taste out? This Chicago Bluesberry cheesecake sampler.
Frankie: I don't want to hear it!

Quote from Axl

Mike: Okay, all right, everybody calm down. Axl, apologize to your mother.
Axl: Why should I apologize to her? She ate my toenails one time. We eat her cooking every day. [Frankie turns to face Mike and the kids]
Mike: I'm not laughing. This isn't funny.

Quote from Frankie

Mike: Come on, Frankie.
Frankie: You heard me. Get out of my way. I'm leaving.
Sue: Mom...
Mike: Come on. Where you gonna go?
Frankie: Anywhere but here, that's for sure.
Mike: Stop it. Come on. What-- What are you doing? Everybody's sorry. Very, very sorry.
Frankie: Good to hear. Still going. You know, I don't know where I'm going, but I will tell you this. There are gonna be some major changes around here! Major changes!
Mike: Frankie...
Frankie: Major... Changes.

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