Sue: I feel like we're puppies no one wants, and Sarah McLachlan should be singing a song about us.
Lexie: This is ridiculous. They said three months. It's gonna be spring, and we're still trapped here.
Sue: I know, right? Kind of makes you wish you had any other options.
Lexie: I'm sorry, Sue. I just can't.
Sue: Okay, look. I know you didn't want your dad to put us up at an awesome apartment because you wanted the college experience, but I think we've had the college experience. And the orphanage experience. And the prison experience.
Lexie: [sighs] Sue, I know we'll get out of here, if we can just stick it out a little longer. I'm building so much character. Look at me. I'm eating ramen out of a Tupperware.
Sue: You should come to my house. You'd go nuts.

Sue: What are you doing?
Lexie: I'm just ready to get out of here.
Sue: What? Why?
Lexie: It's just too close, too tight quarters. I hope you're not mad, but I told my dad we want the apartment at The Villas at Gumford Falls.
Sue: You did? W-Wait. Oh, is the "We" me? Are we "We"?
Lexie: Of course. But it's got a doorman, a gym, and a hot tub, so it won't be the college experience. I hope you don't mind.

Frankie: [v.o.] Travel... a rare opportunity to visit other cultures and see how they live.
Sue: We're here. Welcome to Casa Heck.
Lexie: It's so cute!
Frankie: Well, a few other words come to mind, but I'll take "cute" any day. We're so happy to have you here for spring break, Lexie.
Lexie: Thanks, Mrs. Heck. Oh, my God. I love how the kitchen is right near the entry. It's so convenient. At our house, the kitchen is so far away. It's a hike. To get there, you have to go through two hallways, the family room, and the great room.
Mike: Well, you don't have to worry about that here. None of the rooms are great.

Lexie: Well, I love it. It's just so homey. And as a thank-you for letting me stay in your super-cute home, I got you this.
Frankie: Oh, look at this bag. Is this the gift? Can I keep this? [chuckles] Holy crap. This is beautiful.
Lexie: It's for your fine candies.
Frankie: Oh. Well, around here, the candy usually goes right from the bag to my mouth. Hey, Brick, go find a place for this where it'll look nice.
Brick: The Donahues'?
Sue: Come on, Lexie. I'll give you the tour.
Mike: I think it looked best in the bag.
Frankie: Yeah.

Sue: Wait. Did you just start feeling this way? 'Cause that shampoo isn't FDA-approved. The chemicals could've seeped into your brain.
Lexie: No, I've known for a while. I thought I would get over it, you know, like... like the flu.
Sue: Oh, I was wondering why you'd ever want to come to Orson for spring break instead of the Bahamas.
Lexie: I'm sorry. It's just, he's kind of cute and funny and I-I can't help it.
Sue: Okay, okay. Okay. [breathing heavily] Oh my God. I think I have hysterical blindness.
Lexie: Your eyes are closed.
Sue: Okay. I'm not blind, but I am still very hysterical. I mean, this is a lot of information to process. It's a clash of things... of two things I like, but I'm not sure I like them together. Like turkey and chocolate... I like them, but not as a couple. But who knows? Maybe they would be delicious. And I mean, who am I to stop turkey and chocolate from getting together if they want to? Just go for it!
Lexie: Oh! Thank you so much. I would never do anything about it without your blessing. Now, where can I put this towel so your cleaning lady will find it?

Lexie: [nasally] Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know where this led. Oh, you know, I went by your school to see your tow-phies.
Axl: What?
Lexie: Your tow-phies.
Axl: I can't understand what you're saying. Plus, I'm a little distracted. You got a little bat in the cave, there.
Lexie: Oh, sorry. I'm just a little stuffed up. Anyway, uh, the week's almost over and I feel like we haven't gotten a chance to... [coughs]
Axl: Well, the bat's gone. Now I'm just wondering where it went.

Sue: So, how was the party?
Lexie: Oh, my God, it was so weird. Out of the blue, Axl shows up.
Sue: Really? He's a senior. Why would he do that?
Lexie: I don't know! But get this... All of his ex-girlfriends were there, too.
Sue: What?
Lexie: Yeah. Uh, what's her name... Uh, Devin and Cassidy and some wizard lady. I felt so awkward. Thank God he has no idea how I feel about him.
Sue: [laughs] Yeah. Thank God for that.

Lexie: Okay, I understand. It's just... are we... [sighs] Are we gonna have to, like, not do anything fun ever... forever?
Axl: What does that mean?
Lexie: I mean, I was totally fine staying in and getting pizza every night when we were both in college, but now that you have a real job and you're gonna be getting paid...
Axl: [scoffs] Do you have any idea how little entry-level plumbing supply salesmen make? Here, take a look at my bank account. [shows Lexie his phone]
Lexie: Oh, my God. Where's the rest of it?

Axl: All right, I'm out of here. Hey, you wanna watch a movie when I get back? My treat. I got Kenny's Hulu password.
Lexie: Sounds good.
Axl: [chuckles] Whoa! [laughs] $100.
Lexie: Oh, my God! That happens to me all the time! You know when you find money in your pocket from like a year ago? Lucky you!
Axl: Huh.
[later:]
Lexie: Hey, Axl, did you order some steaks?
Axl: Uh, no.
Lexie: Hmm. They must've been delivered here by accident. Oh, well, we better eat 'em before they go bad. Good thing I bought baked potatoes and a salad.
[later:]
Axl: What's this? Whoa. Two tickets to see Demetri Martin. For tonight.
Lexie: Oh, my gosh. Someone must have dropped them. How lucky are we? We love him!

Lexie: It's okay. You don't know fancy places, but I'll teach you.
Axl: Oh, yeah? Planning to win a lot more contests for fancy dinners?
Lexie: All right, what is with you? You've been weird all night.
Axl: [sighs] I'm not an idiot, Lexie. I've only seen $100 bill once in my life, concert tickets don't just fall on the ground, steaks don't magically appear at your door, and I don't know anyone under the age of 50 who listens to local radio.
Lexie: Uh, I do. I totally listen to local radio. It's my jam.