‘Hungry Games’
Season 5, Episode 13 - Aired February 5, 2014
The Hecks' plan to go from church straight to an all-you-can eat buffet are thrown off course when the visiting minister, Reverend Deveaux (Keegan-Michael Key), wants to see them for some impromptu family counseling.
Quote from Mike
Mike: [groans] I bet all the squatters are squatting by now. No way we're getting a booth.
Frankie: Look. You know what? Maybe this is a good thing. Did you not hear? He spiritually counseled the Cleveland Browns. Cleveland, Mike. So... yeah. Besides, it's free counseling. I mean, are we really in the position to be turning down anything free?
Mike: That's a bad road to go down, Frankie. You can't look too close at stuff. You pull one thread, and the whole thing unravels. No good can come from examining your life.
Quote from Brick
Reverend Deveaux: Well, don't you ever tell them this stuff?
Brick: Well, I try, but they always say things like, "Not now, Brick. We can't hear the TV, Brick."
Reverend Deveaux: You know, Brick, you're the youngest, so you- you're gonna have to speak up. I want to try something that worked really well for a team I ministered to called the Browns.
Brick: I don't know what that is.
Reverend Deveaux: It's a football team.
Brick: Oh! Sports analogies don't work for me.
Quote from Mike
Reverend Deveaux: If you folks will come back in and sit down now, Brick has something very important he'd like to tell you.
Mike: Is this something my wife could handle and tell us about later?
Quote from Brick
Reverend Deveaux: Go ahead, Brick. Tell your teammates what you told me. It's safe, my man. You got this.
Brick: I really want the wintergreen toothpaste.
Frankie: Um... okay.
Reverend Deveaux: W-wait. H-hold on. Go on, Brick. What else?
Brick: Oh. Right. See, 'cause you always say we're gonna get wintergreen, but we never do. You just get peppermint.
Reverend Deveaux: No. No. No. Brick, remember what you said about how you feel? About how you think they wish you weren't here?
Brick: No, I-I think if I get the toothpaste, I'm good. I mean, it really all comes down to the toothpaste.
Mike: I think we can do that.
Quote from Sue
Frankie: Sue, what are you talking about? When did this happen?
Sue: Well, it was about a week ago. Remember I went to that party for J-P-La? There was this lemonade, and... I don't know what happened, but I got so drunk!
[flashback:]
Boy: Hey, you like that? It's got alcohol in it. [Sue spits it out]
[present:]
Frankie: So, you just took a sip and you spit it back out?
Sue: Yeah.
Frankie: I don't think you were drunk.
Sue: Oh, no. I was. It affects me differently. My body's not full of alcohol, like yours!
Mike: Threads, Frankie. Threads.
Sue: Something happened. I had reduced inhibitions. You don't know what I did. You didn't see it. I did a terrible, terrible thing. I don't even want to say it! It was so horrible!
Frankie: Sue.
Sue: I twerked!
Quote from Brick
Frankie: [v.o.] By this point, even I had reached my limit. I mean, I'm all for free therapy, but I was starving.
[Frankie takes a mint out of her purse]
Brick: Aren't parents supposed to sacrifice for their children?
Frankie: Fine.
Brick: [spits out] Ew! What is this?!
Frankie: Wintergreen.
Brick: Oh. I guess I don't like wintergreen.
Quote from Sue
Reverend Deveaux: Y-you know, I-I don't think fake giggling while being tickled counts as a sin.
Sue: No? Are you sure?
Reverend Deveaux: Positive. Look, Sue, middle school can be a tough time.
Sue: I'm in high school.
Reverend Deveaux: Really? Freshman?
Sue: Junior.
Reverend Deveaux: Wow.
Sue: Anyway, my point is, I've never met a more upstanding, conscientious, and loquacious young woman.
Sue: So, you think I'll be okay?
Reverend Deveaux: I do. I do. I really do.
Sue: But your door is always open, right?
Reverend Deveaux: Well, semi-open. You-- l-limited, uh... office hours. But, you know, Reverend TimTom is always here, too. Save some stuff for him.
Quote from Frankie
Reverend Deveaux: Frankie, what about you?
Frankie: Oh. Uh, I think I had a pretty great childhood.
Reverend Deveaux: Yeah, but it... It can't be easy now. Three kids, family on a budget, your work, you're stressed.
Frankie: Yeah.
Reverend Deveaux: Yeah, life can be overwhelming, a-and you just need to let it out.
Frankie: Mm-hmm.
Reverend Deveaux: And you're also at that stage of life where you not only have to take care of your kids, but your parents need you more now. Am I right?
Frankie: That's true. That's definitely happening.
Reverend Deveaux: Mm-hmm. Can't be a lot of time for you in there. Hmm? Mom is the toughest job in the world, and you do have a great husband here in Mike.
Frankie: [voice breaks] I do. I love him so much. [cries]
Quote from Brick
Frankie: Come on, come on, come on! You go Oriental, I'll go Indian. Sue, you're on desserts. Axl, you hit the carving station.
Brick: I got the soups!
Quote from Frankie
Mike: Got to hand it to you that thing about "A million times a day showing what family's all about", that was genius.
Brick: I had to bite the inside of my cheek so I wouldn't laugh.
Frankie: I didn't know you could put words together like that. But I always told you you had a good imagination. You should take a writing class in school.
Axl: Yeah. Well, uh... actually, I wasn't just saying it to get out of there. I, uh... kind of... sort of meant it. [Frankie cries]
Mike: It's okay. They're happy tears. Right?
Frankie: [sobs] Mm-hmm, yeah. I'm so happy.
Frankie: [v.o.] Who knows why Axl said what he said. Maybe he was hallucinating from lack of food. Maybe he meant it. All I know is that in the game of Twizzlestick, Parenting Edition, we were on the board. Sure, we were losing 476 to 1, but that 1 sure was sweet.