‘hecks on a plane’
Season 2, Episode 16 - Aired February 23, 2011
The Hecks finally have some good luck when Sue wins a trip for four to New York City.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Whoo! Did it! I did it. Suck it, security lady. I made it fit!
[cut to Frankie and the family being patted down by TSA agents:]
Frankie: I did not know you were not allowed to say "suck it" in security. That must be one of those new T.S.A.
rules.
Male TSA Agent: Sir, do you have any electronics in your bag? Camera, portable DVD player, iPod, iPad, laptop?
Mike: My wife's wearing 3 coats to save $25. What do you think?
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Oh. We made it. We made it. Oh. Now our trip begins. Now the fun starts. [gasps] Where's Brick?!
Brick: I'm right here.
Axl: Well, this is my stop. Later, cattle. I'll have a chardonnay, please. Thanks so much.
Mike: You will not have a chardonnay, and when you're old enough to drink, you will have a beer.
Quote from Frankie
Sue: Oh, no. We aren't sitting together?
Frankie: Oh, no. That's not right. No, we should all be together. I...
Stewardess: [over PA] Can everyone please take their seats so we can prepare for takeoff?
Frankie: Um, excuse me. We are on a once-in-a-lifetime trip, and our seats aren't together, and who knows how many family vacations we have left, so, uh, ma'am, would you mind taking a seat next to this gentleman over here, so we can sit with our children?
Woman: But I have an aisle, and that's a middle.
Frankie: Okay, not a problem. Is there anyone who's willing to switch to take a middle seat? Huh? Not a big deal, really. We're all gonna get there at the same time, right? Sir, could you switch places with her? You're a little guy. You don't need all that legroom. Uh, let's see, and then, yeah, if you two could just scootch over one toward the window... Sir, then if you could take the aisle seat? Thanks.
Man: Excuse me. I had an aisle before. I would like the aisle.
Frankie: Everybody's happy. We don't need to keep switching seats. Okay. Great.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Well, can I at least have my books?
Frankie: Uh, you were in charge of bringing 'em. Where are they?
[shot of Brick's books on a kitchen counter]
Brick: My books! I can't make it through a whole plane ride without books! We gotta turn the plane around.
Quote from Mike
Mike: Shush. I'm trying to hear the... thing.
Stewardess: [over PA] Place the mask over your nose and mouth... What'd she say about oxygen? Why doesn't it inflate?
Frankie: Mike, nobody listens to the safety information.
Mike: Well, if something happens, I would like to know what I'm supposed to do.
Frankie: Jeez, you're acting like you've never flown before. Have you never flown before?
Mike: Would you be cool, please?
Frankie: You've never, ever been on a plane? Wow. I can't believe I never knew that. Your dad's never flown before.
Mike: Frankie, I'm begging you, shush. Be cool?
Frankie: I'm cool. I'm totally cool.
Mike: Okay. Thank you.
Stewardess: [over PA] I hear we have a couple of first-time flyers today. Teddy Fishman's flying with his grammy in 3A. And Michael Heck in seat 7C. Stop by the cockpit, and we'll give you boys your wings.
Quote from Brick
Brick: [to the man in the seat in front] Oh, don't turn yet. Okay, now. Everything's pointing to the priest. What do you think?
Sue: Brick!
Brick: I don't have a book! Can I read yours?
Sue: What? No! Brick, this is my diary... my most personal and innermost thoughts and feelings. Mom, I'm writing about how excited I am to see the Statue of Liberty. I just love America so much.
Quote from Mike
Mike: We should've taken the car. You can leave when you want. You can bring liquids when you want. If the kid's misbehaving in the seat behind you, you can reach back and whack him.
Frankie: You know, Mike, it's okay to be scared.
Mike: I'm not scared. I'm just worried that I left the back door open when I took the trash out. That's all.
Frankie: Oh, don't change the subject. You didn't leave the back door open.
[shot of the back door open, leaves blown in and bird walking in the kitchen]
Frankie: You know, Mike, being afraid doesn't make you less of a man.
Mike: And being silent wouldn't make you less of a woman.
Quote from Axl
Sue: Oh, Axl! This is all your fault! It was supposed to be my turn, and now I'm punished, too! Why are you so mean to me all the time?
Axl: I'm not mean to you. Now move your knobby elbow.
Sue: Oh, my God! You just did it again! Do you have to insult me every second?
Axl: I'm not insulting you. I'm just stating facts. Your elbow is knobby... fact. Your hair is stringy... fact.
Sue: You can't do it, can you? I'll bet you can't even go 24 hours without saying something mean to me.
Axl: Yes, I can, and if you don't think I can, you're an idiot. Starting now.
Quote from Sue
Sue: [to the businessman next to her] So then in my 16th meet... Oh, well, you're not gonna understand what happened in the 16th meet, unless I go back and explain what happened in the 12th meet. See, I was making great time, but then I started choking on my own hair. It was...
Quote from Mike
Frankie: No. You know what this is about? Control. You have to be in control.
Mike: Oh, God. When's Oprah finally going off the air again? She did one episode about control. Actually it was about food, but it still applies to this. She said you need to love yourself more and don't have snacks in the house.
Mike: I love myself plenty, and I don't have control issues.
Frankie: Really?
[flashback to Mike driving while wearing dark shades:]
Mike: Dilated eyes are not a problem. I'm perfectly fine to drive. [tires skid]
[flashback to Mike holding the remote as he and Frankie watch TV:]
Mike: Just tell me what you want to watch, and I'll change it for you.