Axl: All right, come on. The rest of the school is waiting to bask in our hotness. Let's go!
Courtney: Thanks for the pre-prom, Mrs. Heck. Wasn't it an awesome pre-prom, Deb?
Debbie: Really awesome. And happy Mother's Day. You should get a makeover or something. You look tired. Doesn't she look tired, Court?
Courtney: Super tired.
Frankie: Okay. Have fun, girls. It's all downhill from prom night.

Brick: Nope. Nope. Uh... Nope.
Mike: Damn it, Brick, you said you knew what she wanted.
Brick: Well, yes, at one point I did. But a lot of information's come into my head since then. If this helps you, I think it was something... "2000."
Mike: Everything in here is something "2000." Come on, Brick, focus. Keyboard? Uh, radio flashlight? Radio thermometer? Radio leg shaver? Radio beer cooler? Wait a minute. How much is that? Remember that for Father's Day.
Brick: Hmm. Now I'm questioning Brickstone.

Axl: [answers phone] Hello?
Mike: Hey. What's your mom want for Mother's Day?
Axl: How should I know? Why are you calling me at my prom, anyway? You're really crossing the line. We're gonna have a serious talk about this when I get home in two days.

Brick: [flying a remote control goldfish] I think mom would really like this.
Mike: Look, if we're getting her something she doesn't want, we're going with the beer cooler.
Brick: Wait. I think this might be it. The Backmaster 2000.
Mike: Lumbar support? Are you kidding? We can't get her something medical. It'll be the inflatable foot bath all over again. Besides, your sister said it was somethin' yellow.
Brick: Uh, look, this comes in yellow.
Mike: Forget it. We're not getting her some back thing for Mother's Day. I'm not going through that again. [exhales] You know what? I'm not going through any of it. This should be your headache. It's not my holiday. She's not my mother. My mother's dead. You kids can figure this out by yourselves. [grunts] I'm done.

Brick: What about this?
Mike: I don't know. You're on your own. Buy it, don't buy it. I don't care. I told you I'm out.
Brick: Come on, Dad. We both know you're not out. I'm just a kid. Am I really gonna take the fall for a bad present? I don't think so. I can pick it, but if I pick something lame, this thing's gonna be on you.
Mike: Damn it.

Mike: Hey. How about these?
Brick: Pants?
Mike: Yeah. She likes pants. She's always wearing 'em.
Brick: That's true. And look, they come in yellow.
Mike: Hey, I don't think she has any yellow pants. You ever seen her in yellow pants?
Brick: I haven't.
Mike: And check it out. They're on sale.
Brick: No way. Why would these awesome yellow pants be on sale?
Mike: This is good. She's always saying she wants something personal. How much more personal can you get than pants?
Brick: Yeah.
Mike: She'll never see it coming.
Brick: Nailed it. [they high-five]

Mike: Excuse me, ma'am? I'm trying to buy pants for my wife. You're close to her size. If you were a little less wide, what size would you be? [the woman shoots Mike an evil look and walks off]

Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] You think it might be fierce To get your lip or eyebrow pierced But that process isn't very clean It can get infected, mm-hmm A temporary tattoo is a fun way to rebel And good old-fashioned brooding Gets the job done just as well So think before you ink [plays riff] [talks] Don't deface your body just to get back at your parents. That ain't cool.

Reverend TimTom: Whoa, Samson.
Sue: Reverend TimTom.
Reverend TimTom: What you doing, Sue Heck?
Sue: I let you down, Reverend TimTom. I tried to be happy for them, but I'm still jealous. Maybe I'm just not meant to drive. My drive to drive drove my friends away, so I am done being that driven to drive. I have decided I am not gonna get my license.
Reverend TimTom: Let me ask you something. When you take a test at school, and you don't have all the answers, do you just get up and walk away?
Sue: No. I would never. I always answer what I can. I can still get partial credit.
Reverend TimTom: Exactly. The Sue Heck I know doesn't quit after just five tries. Now hop on.
Sue: Where are we going?
Reverend TimTom: You'll see. [Sue climbs on] Hyah!

Sue: What is this? What's going on? What are you guys all doing here?
Brad: Reverend TimTom told us you were feeling jealous of us, and that's just crazy talk. Sue, we're jealous of you.
Sue: You are?
Becky: Yeah. You're smart. You're funny. You haven't spent any time in juvie. Nobody in your family has meth teeth.
Brad: Not to mention you have the neck of a queen. Plus you always try your hardest, you're always optimistic, and you never give up.
Frankie: It's true, Sue.
Sue: Mom? What are you doing here?
Frankie: Brad called me and told me it was an emergency... which it clearly is not, so thanks for scaring the crap out of me, Brad. But the point is, we believe in you, Sue. We know you can do this. I know you can do this.
Sue: You're right. I never give up. I can do this. [keys jangle] Oh. I am gonna do this right now. [cheering] Sixth time's the charm.
BMV Worker: Wait. This is your sixth time? Oh, I'm sorry. You can only take the test five times, then you have to wait a month to take it again. [all groan]
Sue: I just have to stay pumped for four more weeks! Yeah! [cheering]