Axl: Dude, we've been duped. We're losers. Losers who've been duped.
Sean: Hey, we're not losers. They're losers. Look at what they're missing out on.
Darrin: Check out these guns. We rock.
Axl: Yeah. Yeah, I'm a football hero, for God's sake. Read it and weep. They'd take us back if we showed them what they're missing.
Sean: Shirts off, gentlemen. [all grunting]
Axl: All right, Sean, get in closer behind Darrin. Darrin, squeeze in. Closer. Keep flexing. Squeeze and now smile. Smile like we're digging not being with them. [camera clicks] [Axl laughs] Dude, we look like naked guys hugging.
Sean: Yeah, you can't see what our hands are doing.
Darrin: And it's sent. Oh, yeah. We nailed them so bad. High-five, my brothers.

Axl: Oh, my God! I got a hot boss. There's, like, whole web sites dedicated to the concept.
Sean: Enjoy the fantasy, bro, 'cause that's all it's ever gonna be.
Axl: Wrong. Why? 'cause check it out: late nights, close quarters, and no competition except that 50-year-old weirdo who works the projector.
Darrin: Did you not hear her? She's going to beauty college. She's gonna learn how to be even hotter. You got no shot.

Axl: [sings] That's why you run to me Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah [talks] Dudes! This is the greatest rock song ever written! We can't keep it to ourselves, though. We gotta get it on YouTube, share it with the world!
Sean: All we need is a hot girl to star in our video.
Axl: Yeah.
Sean: No, a hot woman so it doesn't look like an amateur thing.
Darrin: How about my mom?
Axl: Darrin. Gross.
Darrin: You haven't seen her lately. She lost, like, 14 pounds.

Ms. Devereaux: [on phone video] As you can see, my heart rate's about 150. Hey. What are you doing? Are you filming me?
Axl: [on phone video] Oh, crap!
Darrin: So she busted us. We still got everything we needed.
Axl: Did we, Darrin? The song's called Run to Me, and what's the one thing we don't have a shot of her doing?
Darrin: Showering?
Axl: We never got her running! Ugh! I did not put almost three hours of my life into this to just walk away. We've gotta come up with a plan to save this. First... let's take a break.

Axl: Okay, take a good look at us, 'cause once this video drops, you're gonna have to fight through bouncers just to touch us.
Axl: [on music video] ♪ One, two, three, you know you want me ♪ ♪ You know you need me ♪ ♪ You'll even bleed for me, can't get enough of me ♪ ♪ You are so into me ♪ ♪ You're such a hot hottie ♪ ♪ You say we'll meet at 3 ♪ ♪ That's why you run to me ♪ [video of Darrin's mom running] ♪ That's why you run to me, that's why you run to me ♪ ♪ That's why you run to me, that's why you run to me ♪
Boy: Oh, man. Darrin, is that your mom?
Darrin: Just watch. She does some really nice work here.
Axl: [sings on music video] Run to me, you are so into me ♪ ♪ That's why you run to me, uhh ♪
[All the other students leave]
Axl: No. [sighs]
Darrin: If we'd given her time to put her Spanx on like she asked, this whole thing would have worked.

Frankie: Okay, look. You've already asked her, and she's already said yes. Taking her is the right thing to do.
Axl: Do you not get it? She's called "Weird Ashley" 'cause she's really weird.
Darrin: Yeah. I mean, it's in her name and everything.

Frankie: [v.o.] Finally it was Halloween and Axl and his buddies were embracing the spirit of the holiday by setting out to scam their neighbors.
Axl: Remember, just grab and go, no chitchat. Once we hit the whole neighborhood, we come back here, change into new costumes, and go right back at it.
Darrin: Wait. Instead of putting on new costumes, why don't we all just switch?
Sean: Because then we'll just be three guys with the exact same costumes. That won't be any different.
Darrin: I'm not following.
Sean: Just give it a second.
Axl: We could be here all night. Let's go.

Darrin: Why do I even have to ask anybody? There's too much pressure. I don't want to deal with all the prom-a drama. I just want to dance. [stands up]
Sean: You're not gonna dance now, are you?
Darrin: No. Gonna take a whiz.

Axl: Now we just gotta find a date for Darrin.
Darrin: Not a problem. I got a date.
Axl: Yeah, right. What'd you do? Ask someone you met on the way to the bathroom? [laughs]
Sue: [shouts out the window] Darrin. Do you like this color? I was thinking magenta for a dress if you want to coordinate. [screams] I'm just a frosh and I'm going to prom!

Axl: We're down 20 bucks for shovels, 60 bucks for axes, and 30 bucks in gas and burn cream. We gotta get this thing out just to break even.
Darrin: Don't forget the 15 bucks for t-shirts, which were Sean's stupid idea.
Sean: Better than your stupid frisbee idea.
Darrin: Frisbees are whimsical and would get our message out to the college community!
Axl: Dudes! Listen to us! We're turning into the very bosses we hate.
Sean: Axl's right. Sorry, Darrin.
Axl: Let's all bring it in for a boss hug.