Big Mike: They were having a contest...
Frankie: [v.o.] 100 miles later and Big Mike was still talking.
Big Mike: ...and I was the only one in the county who could swim across the whole river and back. And that's how I won my first ribbon.
Mike: Who put a quarter in you?
Brick: A quarter? If you put a quarter in someone nowadays, it would have to be at least $1.25.
Axl: Sad, but true, Brick.
Big Mike: Here's another good one. When Michael was just a baby, he wouldn't stop crying. And he cried so hard that no sound would come out. [muted] Bwah. [normal voice] He was one whiny baby.
Mike: Okay, get on with the story.
Big Mike: Your mom had what these days would be called "postnatal depression". But back then we just called it having a spell. So your Aunt Violet rode over on her tractor to look after you during the night. And I gave your mom a little vodka and took her off to the church social. The band played and I asked her to dance. And it became our special song. [sings] On a clear day Rise and look around you And you'll see who you are On a... [talks] Oh, there it is! There's the tree. You can pull over now. I want you to leave me here to die.