Frankie: [v.o.] Well, apparently someone forgot to tell Indiana it was Fall, 'cause it just got hotter so hot that Mike caved and called in a professional from the Midwest Institute of Air-Conditioning Repair.
Darrin: I'm honored, sir, that you would call and trust me in my area of expertise.
Mike: So, can you fix it?
Darrin: No, absolutely not. I've only had two classes, and one was picking out our shirts.
Frankie: [v.o.] Okay. Future professional.
Mike: Well, fine. Just... Just do what you can, Darrin. Limp it along till December.
Darrin: Okay, but just so you know, I wouldn't feel right about taking your money.
Mike: Good, 'cause I can't give you any.

Frankie: Oh, hey. Want to hear an interesting conversation?
Mike: Not especially.
Frankie: Mike: "Call your mom." Axl: "Ugh. Why?"
Mike: What are you doing? Is that my phone?
Frankie: Mike: "'Cause she's your mom, and she wants to hear from you." Axl: "Why, does she have extra nag minutes?" Mike: "LOL". LOL? You LOL'd that? You thought that was laugh out loud? When have you ever laughed out loud at anything?
Mike: Look, I was just trying to help you out.
Frankie: Oh, sure, 'cause your little marionette will only call his mom if the puppet master pulls the strings?

Sue: Hey, Brad. I need to talk to you about something. It's about Darrin.
Brad: Ooh. I'll set the table. You bring the dish.
Sue: Okay, well, he came over to our house yesterday.
Brad: What? Awkward.
Sue: Yeah. At first. But then it was kind of nice. Kind of like we'd never even broken up. It was like there was this spark or something.
Brad: And maybe this spark is creating a blazing inferno inside your heart?
Sue: Maybe. It's just, I got to thinking. Darrin and I always had a lot of fun together. We would play mini golf, have crazy dance competitions, go through a drive-through and order with [British accent] British accents. The only reason I really broke up with him was 'cause Axl was being so weird about it. But I'm not living my life for Axl anymore.
Brad: Sue, when you broke up with Darrin, I was all supportive, and I said, "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh." But inside, I was like, "No, no, no!"
Sue: So you think I should go for it?
Brad: Uh-huh. And the real "Uh-huh." Not the one with the screaming "No" inside.

Brick: I can't hold it anymore. I'm going to the bathroom.
Henry: No, you won't survive! Want to punch me in the eye? Then you can go to the Vice Principal's office and use his bathroom.
Brick: That's all the way to Building "A." I'll never make it. [whispers] Building "A." Whoop!
Henry: Try sneaking in. Maybe that way, you won't draw attention to yourself.
Brick: No. No sneaking. We're sixth graders. Yeah, we may not have hair on our arms or the courage to look a girl in the eye, and we sometimes yearn for the days of scheduled nap time, but we're still men... small men, but men nonetheless and it's time to start acting like it.
Frankie: [v.o.] So Brick set out to go where no sixth grader had ever gone before... the bathroom.
Tall 8th Grader: Hey, how's it going?
Brick: Hey.

Darrin: Hey, Mr. Heck. I've completed a thorough diagnostic, and I've determined I have no idea what's wrong with the unit. But on the plus side, we have a class on condensers Tuesday, so here's hoping it's the condenser, huh?
Mike: Yeah, well, don't count on it. It's our house.

Mike: So, hey, the Colts game's about to start. Why don't you stick around and watch?
Darrin: Oh, that sounds great.
Mike: All right!
Darrin: But I can't.
Mike: Aw, come on. I owe you. The Pacers are in preseason, the Colts are in San Francisco, Brick just read our TV manual, and it turns out we got picture-in-picture.
Darrin: You know, I appreciate it, but I got to go. It's really hot in here.
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, turns out Mike wasn't as fine as he thought with Axl being gone.
[Mike looks at Axl's empty bed and then switches the light off]
Brick: Still here, Dad.
Mike: Oh. Sorry. Hey, you want to watch the game?
Brick: No, I do not.

Sue: So, can we go somewhere and talk?
Darrin: We were going to the movies.
Sue: Oh. Okay. Yeah. I guess we can all do that, and then we can talk after?
Darrin: No, I meant the two of us.
Sue: Oh. Well, that's weird, 'cause what is Angel gonna do? She's right there.
Darrin: Sue, Angel and I go to the movies every Sunday night.
Sue: Well, that just makes it worse, Darrin, 'cause now she's expecting to go.
Angel: We better get going, Darrin. The movie's gonna be starting soon. If we miss any of the first five minutes, he's lost, like, the whole movie.
Darrin: And then I'm asking her a bunch of questions, which drives her crazy.
Angel: You're lucky you're cute.
Sue: Oh, wait! I can't go to the movies. Where is my head? Oh, there it is! [laughs] Anyhoo, uh, the thing is, I totally promised my mom that I would help her... make bolognese sauce. It's really labor-intensive, but don't ask her about it, because she won't remember. She's old. So have fun, you two! Go! Go!

Darrin: Oh, hey, Sue, what did you want to talk to me about?
Sue: Oh, nothing. Uh, it was just about the air conditioner and how it's broken and can never be fixed. But we waited too long to fix it, so I guess that's our fault.
Darrin: Well, regular air-conditioning maintenance is important.
Sue: It really is.

Frankie: Get up! Get up! First day of school! I mean it, people! We are not gonna be the la-- Oh. You're up already.
Sue: Yep. Turns out with no Axl pulling his dirty underwear over my head yelling, "Time's up!" and dragging me out of the bathroom, I had time to shower this morning. I was even able to rinse and repeat.
Mike: [o.s.] Get up! First day of school! Get up! I'm sick of-- Oh.
Frankie: They're up already.

Mike: What are you doing?
Frankie: Texting Axl to remind him he has Philosophy at 9:00. You know, he's not a morning person.
Mike: Come on. He's a big boy, Frankie. He doesn't need mommy waking him up.
[cut to Axl sleeping through is alarm]