Mrs. Tompkins: So... I'm guessing you know why you're here.
Frankie: We think we have a pretty good idea.
Mrs. Tompkins: Right. It's about Brick's tic.
Mike: Yep. Three weeks.
Mrs. Tompkins: I know. That's why I'm so concerned.
Frankie: You're concerned he hasn't whispered in three weeks?
Mrs. Tompkins: Oh, no. I'm not talking about the whispering, I'm talking about the new tic. I'm sure you two have noticed.
[flashback to Frankie, Mike and Brick in the kitchen at breakfast:]
Brick: Whoop.
[flashback to Brick reading on the couch as Frankie and Mike inspect the smoke alarm in the kitchen:]
Brick: Whoop.
Frankie: I don't think we've ever changed the batteries.
[flashback to the family eating dinner at the dining room table:]
Brick: Whoop. [everyone checks their cellphone]

Dr. Fulton: One surefire way of making friends? Finding something the other kids are into and gettin' on board with that program.
[cut to Brick on the playground surrounded by kids who aren't moving:]
Dr. Fulton: Hey, Brick. Uh... I thought today's assignment was playing tag.
Brick: I am. I've achieved the highest level of tag. I'm it.

Brick: Mom, Dad, I'd like you to listen to my top 100 slogans for the Orsontennial.
Mike: What's the first one? That's my favorite.
Frankie: What's this for, anyway?
Brick: It's a contest sponsored by the city. The winner gets to ride in the parade on an old-timey fire truck, and the best part is, your motto becomes the town's motto for the next 100 years. [clears throat] "Orson: 100 years of fun." "Orson: you don't look a day over 99." "Orson: all-new people every 100 years." [doorbell rings]
Axl: I got it!
Brick: "Orson: 100 years of moderate progress."

Announcer: [v.o.] And here comes an original Orson fire truck from 1927. And riding atop, that's our Orson motto contest winner, Kristen Rice.
Audience: [chant] "Orson: why not?" "Orson: why not?"
Brick: People, please. Don't you see what's happening? This is the dumbing down of America. We have to live with this motto for the next 100 years. What will future generations think? Do we really want this motto? Is this the legacy we want to leave our children?
Football Player: Free t-shirts!
Brick: Oh, sure, grab them up just 'cause they're free. Just 'cause it's on a t-shirt doesn't make it right! [catches a T-shirt] Shoot, I'm a sucker for a good font. Curse you, Sans Serif. [whispers] Sans Serif.

Frankie: Hey, what are you doing? You're not answering another Craigslist ad, are you? I told you, we're not getting a four-person pedal boat.
Brick: I'm off that. Too impractical. We're a family of five. Anyway, I'm calling the pretzel information line to inform them the decrease in salt crystals has not gone unnoticed.
Frankie: So, this is just regular odd behavior? This isn't gonna cost me anything?
Brick: Toll-free call, just like the Bureau of Land Management. [whispers] Bureau of Land Management.
Male Voice: [on phone] Hi, and welcome to the Sutter Farms family of products. From industrial cleaning solvents to our delicious baked goods, we're there for you. If you have a question or comment, press 1. If you have an idea for a new Sutter Farms product, press 2.
Brick: Ooh. As a matter of fact, I do.

Brick: Are you okay?
Axl: No, Brick, I'm not. I killed Aunt Edie.
Brick: I knew it! No one just drops dead at 96.

Sue: Oh, my God. Did you see the guy dressed as Professor Faxon's robot? He had on working lights! I wonder if he had to plug in during lunch. Hmm. Hey, you're being kind of quiet. Are you thinking about your key?
Brick: Yeah, sorta.
Sue: But... I don't get it. Didn't you have fun today?
Brick: It was one of the best days I've had in a long time.
Sue: So what's the problem?
Brick: It's you.
Sue: Me?
Brick: Yeah. Sue, today was amazing. I know you were forced to take me, but still, we hung out together, you talked to me. I mean, you understand Planet Nowhere now. I feel like someone in this family finally gets me, and it's right when you're about to leave for college.
Sue: Aw, Brick!
Brick: What's it gonna be like when you're gone?
Sue: Hey, I am gonna miss you tons. But you know what? You'll come visit me at college. I know Axl has the whole "no relatives" policy at his place, but mine is gonna be the opposite. You have to visit me.
Brick: Really?
Sue: Does a Silligan need iron oxide to survive?
Brick: [on tape] And with the Vernegos' triumph and the planet orbiting towards a new moon, Princess Kalakare bade goodbye to her home world, knowing not only would her loved ones miss her, but the entire planet as well, and they would all look forward to her return.

Brick: Phew! Done. You know, there's an expression that writers hate writing but love having written, and, boy, do I get that now. Would you like to hear it?
Frankie: Of course...
Axl: Not.
Brick: [clears throat] "As his eyes fluttered open, the boy saw the sun had already gently nudged awake its captives, yesterday's mistakes vanished to wispy nothings, and the father he thought long dead was standing at his door." Well? What do you think?
Frankie: Wha... That's awesome, Brick.
Axl: You wrote that?
Frankie: Keep going.
Brick: What do you mean?
Axl: Keep reading. What happens next?
Brick: Oh, that's all I got.
Axl: Oh, my God. You write nonstop for days, and you only got one sentence? I can write like a whole 10-page paper in 5 minutes... 3 if you don't care how good it is.
Frankie: Axl, he's gonna do more. You're gonna do more, right, Brick?
Brick: What are you, my editor?

Male Voice: [on film] [action music plays] Coming, Summer 2016. Based on the best-selling series that swept the nation... [music stops]
Man: [on film] Silligans.
Male Voice: [on film] David S. Rosenthal's... Planet Nowhere.
Brick: They're doing a movie about Planet Nowhere!
Male Voice: [on film] Hugh Jackman as Professor Faxon. Ray Liotta is Gackos the Batossian. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is Soran. And introducing Montana Steinberg as Princess Kalakare. [lasers blasting]
Kalakare: [on film] The Vernegos will prevail.
Brick: Princess Kalakare's 132 years old! That kid's not a day over 11! They can't do this! You can't do this!
Mike: Brick, it's not like the couch. You got to sit down.
Brick: Stop the movie! Stop the movie!

Brick: I mean, what we just saw isn't Planet Nowhere. The sets are cheap. The Kalakarians look like Silligans. And Hugh Jackman? He can't pull off this material. He's a song-and-dance man. I'm sick. I'm just sick over this.
Mike: That could be the potatoes.
Brick: Who are these Warner Brothers? Is there one who's like the leader, so if I get to him, the others will fall in line? 'Cause I need them to not release this movie.
Frankie: Brick, once the previews come out, it's done. It's too late.
Brick: Did Professor Faxon give up when he was negotiating with the Zorgonauts for the Malakian Canal? He didn't. But I can understand your confusion, 'cause Hugh Jackman would fold like a Klugarg. That's Malakian for card table. I have to stop this.