Brad: I'm sorry, Sue. I just have to get this off my chest. I'm gonna confess that I'm a little envious I didn't get tapped.
Sue: Oh, Brad. No, it's where you work. It is really hard to make your mark at The Great Hot Dog Adventure. I mean, how are you supposed to shine when you're only working with three condiments?
Brad: I know! I did graduate magna cum relish from hot-dog college. How does that not put me on the radar at Chop Suey U.S.A.?
Sue: I didn't even think about that. Sue-y. It has my name in it. Ooh, it's like a sign!
Brad: You know, I bet it's because I dropped that gallon of mustard. Everybody saw it. It's those damn free hand-lotion samples at Crabtree & Evelyn. How can you not try them? Anyway, this is about you. Go on.
Sue: As much as it scares me to go into international cuisine... You know, I got lean in... to Chinese. I am gonna work at Chop Suey U.S.A.
Brad: Oh! Oh! And you get to wear the polo shirts with the golden dragon coiled around the American flag. [Sue gasps] I am officially peanut butter and jealous.

Sue: Hey, I heard there's new Shrubs outside Arby's. Let's go check them out. Ooh!
Brad: Oh, my car's not working. And when my Dad tried to teach me how to change the oil, it did not go well. Let's take your car.
Sue: No, no, no, no, no! Let's just walk. I don't think I have any gas.
Brad: It looks like you moved in here.
Sue: [laughs]
Brad: That's a stage laugh, Sue. I'm gonna look in the glove box now. If there are toiletries in there, you and I are gonna have a very serious conversation. Oh, my God, Sue! You're living in your car! And breaking out!

Sue: Hey, I mean, it's not so bad. It's only 134 days till Summer. And hey, maybe by next year she'll have a baby and they'll put her in married housing.
Brad: [scoffs] I'm so sorry, Sue.
Sue: For what?
Brad: For that train wreck of a performance. It's all my fault. I haven't been in a play in months. I'm just not working that muscle. First thing I'm gonna do when I get home is go straight to Pizza Hut and reconnect with my old acting coach.
Sue: Brad, you have nothing to apologize for. You were amazing. You were a great fake boyfriend. And an even better friend.
Brad: [chuckles] Listen, Sue, there's something... I want to tell you. [sighs] I...
Sue: Brad. I know.
Brad: [chuckles] [they hug] [Brad sighs]

Sue: Brad, what are we gonna do? Lexie's practically throwing herself at Axl.
Brad: I know. It's so sad. When someone's not into you, you have to move on. You got to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Ricky Martin is happily married with two kids. It's not worth the stamps, Bradley."

Brad: Hi, Mr. Heck. Hi, Mrs. Heck. OMG, it's so good to see you.
Frankie: Hi, Brad.
Mike: Brad.
Frankie: [v.o.] Brad was Sue's ex-boyfriend. She broke up with him after she discovered him smoking. There might be one other thing they've had left to discover, but we weren't about to tell them.
Brad: Mr. Heck, I love your haircut. You have to give me the name of your stylist.
Mike: Uh, I go to this guy Al, and I think if I called him a stylist, he'd punch me.
Brad: Well, kudos to Al. And kudos to you for rocking it.

Brad: There's Darrin. Let's do it.
Sue: Are you sure? In front of everybody?
Brad: Trust me. Nothing makes a man more jealous.
[Brad and Sue turn toward each other and look into each other's eyes]
Brad: [sings] Summer lovin', had me a blast
Sue: [sings] Summer lovin', happened so fast
Brad: Met a girl crazy for me
Sue: Met a boy cute as can be
Both: [sing] Summer days drifting away To, uh, oh, those summer nights Oh, well-uh, well-uh, well-uh...
Sean: Yeah, okay, we got to get them out of here.

Brad: Don't you see? If Savannah doesn't find her way back, her dreams of one day becoming a senator/jewelry designer don't come true... that's reality, Sue.
Sue: You know what, Brad? I didn't want to say anything, but you have been very controlling throughout this whole thing.
Brad: Well, I'm sorry, but some of the best directors have not been well-liked... Barbra Streisand. I-I can't think of any others.

Sue: How does this happen, Brad? How does my best friend on the yearbook committee let this happen?!
Brad: I don't know, Sue. I'm not in charge of that part of the yearbook. Somehow, I just ended up in charge of choosing pics for wrestling and the guys swim team.

Brad: Oh, look at your hair! Verbal comment... love it. How's school? Tell me everything.
Sue: No, no, no! I want to hear about you! How's Americorps?
Brad: Fantastic. They're paying me to work at this great nonprofit. Last week, I built a house! And once we fix homelessness, I have this great idea for seniors I call "Memory Recovery through Tap."

Frankie: [v.o.] The amazing thing about best friends is that they just seem to know when you need them. They show up at the perfect time, and then, just like that, they're gone.
Sue: Oh! Brad. What are you doing here? I was just being wistful about you.
Brad: This just in... I decided to stay one more day.
Sue: Really? Are you sure? I mean... I mean, it's great that you can stay, but you've already been here three days. Don't you need to go to class?
Brad: Nothing's more important than my bestie. Plus tonight, I was thinking we could have fondue party.
Sue: But I don't even own a fondue pot.
Brad: That's okay. I've got one in my car.
Sue: Wait, Brad. You were only gonna be here for the weekend. Why do you have a fondue pot in your car?
Brad: Uh, I think a better question is, "Why wouldn't I have a fondue pot in my car?" And an even better question is, "Why am I such a failure?" Sue, I dropped out of NYU! This whole weekend's been a big lie! Except for the part about me always traveling with a fondue pot.