
‘Bat Out of Heck’
Season 9, Episode 19 - Aired April 10, 2018
Frankie is relieved when her boss, Dr. Goodwin (Jack McBrayer), offers to buy all the peanut brittle that Brick is selling for school, but his sunny disposition disappears when the product isn't delivered quickly. As Axl prepares to trade in the Winnebago and buy a car, he is getting tired of Mike always telling him how to run his life. Meanwhile, Sue is determined to win a hotel scholarship, and Frankie swears she's seeing something flying about the house.
Quote from Dr. Goodwin
Frankie: Okay. The 7/11 may not work anymore as a pick-up spot. Apparently, you are not allowed to refill your coffee cup with Slurpee. [slurps]
Dr. Goodwin: Oh. Oh, you don't have the peanut brittle with you?
Frankie: What? Oh, no, Brick has to order it.
Dr. Goodwin: Oh. You didn't say that. Kind of had my hopes up for some peanut brittle.
Frankie: [slurps] Really? Oh, I thought you were just being nice.
Dr. Goodwin: No, no. I'm Southern... I love peanut brittle, and thought I was gonna get some today. [chuckles] So, when's it coming in?
Frankie: [slurps] I don't know.
Dr. Goodwin: Can you call Brick and find out?
Frankie: Yeah, sure. Yeah. [slurps]
Dr. Goodwin: I mean, now.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Okay, my professor said this was going to be hard, but it's really hard! There are 10 essay questions. Listen to this... "What hotel trends do you see in the year 2028?" How should I know? We've never stayed in a nice one! Other than Disney World for that one night, the only places we've ever stayed are the kinds where you drive right up to the door and we carry our clothes in paper bags to the room.
Axl: Okay, before we get too deep into this, I'm going to need to take it back on the hats.
Sue: Axl, I don't need your approval on whether or not I look good in hats. I'm just putting this down right here because my head is hot.
Quote from Axl
Mike: Did you get those chips I wanted?
Axl: Uh, no.
Mike: See? What did I say before you left? "Write it down." You didn't and you forgot.
Axl: I didn't forget. They were out.
Mike: They were out?
Axl: It's what I said.
Mike: The entire Frugal Hoosier? Out of chips?
Axl: No, Dad, I'm lying to you. It's how I get my kicks. Look, I didn't forget any chips. If there were chips, you would have chips, but there were no chips, so I didn't get the chips. But I did not forget the chips.
[cut to Axl talking to Brick in their room:]
Axl: I forgot the chips.
Brick: Did you remember my juice boxes?
Axl: They were out.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Look, Dad, I feel like you weirdly don't believe me about the chips, so I'm gonna call the Frugal Hoosier and prove it. [dials phone]
Mike: I really don't care that much, Axl.
Axl: No, no, no. I want to.
Brick: [on the phone] [Southern accent] Frugal Hoosier, deli department. Dustin speaking.
Axl: Hello, Dustin. I was just there, and you said you were out of chips?
Brick: What? Out of chips? Hey, Harry. We out of chips? Sorry, man. We're out of chips. But we do currently have a special on sub sandwiches... buy three feet, get three feet free.
Axl: Okay. Thanks, man. Bye.
Mike: Sounds like a good deal on subs there. You got to take a good deal when you see one. Why didn't you think to bring one home?
Axl: I did.
[cut to Axl and Brick making a large party sub on Axl's bed:]
Axl: Shut up.
Quote from Dr. Goodwin
Dr. Goodwin: [breaks squeal] Frankie, are we gonna talk about the elephant in this car?
Frankie: Huh?
Dr. Goodwin: The peanut brittle. Where is it?
Frankie: [laughs] Seriously? Um, I... I don't know.
Dr. Goodwin: Um, you don't know? Well, where I come from, when money is exchanged for goods and services, said goods and services are rendered. I'm sorry. I don't think I can drive you to work anymore. In fact, I have half a mind to make you walk.
Frankie: What?
Dr. Goodwin: But I am too much of a gentleman. [gets out of the car] Park it in spot 17. And take care of her. She's my baby.
Frankie: What... [Frankie drives alongside Dr. Goodwin as he walks] Dr. Goodwin, isn't this kind of...
Dr. Goodwin: Had to do it, Frankie. Tough love.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: [v.o.] So, Axl was finally doing it. He was trading in his beloved 'Bago and buying a car. Unfortunately, he wasn't alone.
Pete: Hey, you're Frankie's family, right?
Mike: Yeah.
Pete: How is she? You know, after she quit, we hired a woman way worse than her. She was what you call a functional meth-head. Anyway, tell Frankie that. It will make her day. So, what can I put you in today?
Axl: Well, I want to trade in my vintage Winnebago. The aged patina only adds to its rustic charm...
Mike: Look, we'll get 400 bucks for the Winnebago, you'll sell it for $600, so you're making $200 right there. You're asking $5,500 for this, you're probably into it for $4,200. Let's split the difference at $4,800 and call it a day.
Pete: Sold.
Quote from Axl
Mike: You got a really good deal there. Want to grab a beer to celebrate? I'll spring for a name brand.
[Mike and Axl both walk around and grab the driver's side door handle]
Axl: Are you kidding me?
Mike: What?
Axl: This is my car.
Mike: Yeah, I know, but I always drive.
Axl: Oh, that's right. You always drive. And you always know the best way to cook eggs and to squeeze toothpaste and to get a deal on a car. You know everything and I know nothing. It's just like that song.
Mike: What song?
Axl: I don't know. Apparently, there's a song.
Quote from Mike
Mike: What do you want? You want me to just stand there, watch you do dumb things, and not say anything?
Axl: [scoffs] Maybe they're not dumb. Maybe they're just different.
Mike: [sighs] If I was bothering ya, why didn't you say something?
Axl: I don't know. 'Cause... [sighs] It's hard. You're my dad. I guess I haven't figured out how to tell you stuff like one adult to another.
Mike: Well, you did a pretty decent job right there. [throws Axl the keys]
[After Axl gets in the driver's seat and Mike sits in the passenger's seat, they drive off:]
Mike: It's faster if you take... Eh, you know where you're going.
Quote from Dr. Goodwin
Frankie: So, it's in Axl's room.
Brick: Axl's room? Really?
Frankie: Not the time, Brick. Okay, we need a plan.
Axl: We can throw something hard at it. Have you baked anything lately?
Dr. Goodwin: Stand back! Where I'm from, we know how to do two things... make cocktails and get rid of a bat. Step aside. Now, I'm gonna go in there. No matter what I say, no matter what you hear, do not open this door. [bat squeaking] [o.s.] Oh, Lord! Go back to Hell, where you came from! [glass objects, breaking]
Frankie: What do we do?
Brick: Well, he did say not to open the door no matter what.
Dr. Goodwin: [o.s.] I don't want to die in this room! Tell my mom I love her! [opens door] It's done. [bat squeaking] [all scream]
Quote from Dr. Goodwin
Frankie: Hey, thanks for trying to help. I'm sorry I yelled at you.
Dr. Goodwin: [chuckles] No, you were right. I was acting a little crazy. I think I just wanted that peanut brittle 'cause it reminded me of home. But you know what? Tonight kind of reminded me of home... chasing a bat, sitting on the front lawn with good friends. The only thing missing was... Well, you know...
Frankie: Don't worry, we'll get you that peanut brittle.
Dr. Goodwin: Damn right you will.