Frankie: We're lazy, Mike.
Mike: Oh, no. Not the lazy parent...
Frankie: We are. We're lazy, lazy parents. We just throw them out the door and let them fend for themselves. Wolves take better care of their young.
Mike: So she's an average, ordinary kid. So what? Nothing wrong with average.
Frankie: Ugh. You're so naive. Average may have been fine when we were in school, but it's a new world out there. Average is the new below average. B's are the new C's, C's are the new D's, D's are the new...
Mike: Okay, what magazine or ladies' show can I blame for this?
Frankie: Look at this. All these pages filled with extraordinary kids doing extraordinary things. And you know why? Because they have parents that get in there and get involved.
Mike: Come on. We hate those parents. We make fun of those parents. Trust me, we have nothing to worry about. Our kids are just fine.

Sue: So how did I do? How was my conference?
Frankie: Oh. Honey, so great. Your teacher didn't have one bad word to say about you.
Sue: Yay! She's my favorite teacher. [walks off]
Frankie: Heart breaking. Breaking, Mike. You said don't worry. You said, "Oh, the kids are fine." Only took three conferences to blow your theory out of the water. I'm gonna get in there and help Sue make her mark at that school. I'm gonna be the kind of parent we hate. Look, this is what Sue has been reduced to. And you and I both know that isn't even her shoe.

Frankie: Principal Sholin, I need to talk to you about my daughter, Sue Heck. I know. I know you don't know who she is. But trust me, she's in the seventh grade. And she is spirited and she is awesome. And it is ridiculous, no tragic actually, that she can't be a part of this school.
Principal Sholin: Come on, there's only a week left till summer. Can't this wait till next year?
Frankie: No. Why can't there be some team, some club that you get into just because you showed up.
Principal Sholin: Doesn't sound like a very good team.
Frankie: But it would be. Because it would be filled with people who don't give up. The people like my daughter who try and fail, and pick themselves up and keep on going. And stay positive in the face of all odds. My God, isn't there a place in this school for someone like that?

Mike: What're you doing?
Axl: I'm just taking a break. About to start up again.
Mike: Put the guitar down. You're supposed to be studying for your finals.
Axl: I know, but I don't have any study skills. And those are very hard skills to learn at my age. Maybe if you had raised me better.
Mike: No more excuses, Axl. Now we know how smart you are, we're cracking down.
Axl: If I'm so smart then how come nothing's sticking in my brain? Seriously. I gave myself the practice test while I was on the toilet. I got a D. And that was with cheating.
Mike: All right, I taught you how to burp the alphabet. I guess I can teach you how to study. Come on.

Axl: What is that? Make it stop.
Sue: Sorry. Making a protein shake.
Mike: Sue, it's 5:30. What're you doing up?
Sue: Training. Got to get up bright and early to get a practice run in before school starts. Oh, Dad, if anyone calls, can you tell them I'm out running because I'm on cross-country. And even though I'll be super busy with cross-country, I'll call them back because they're still my friends. Even though I'll probably have a lot of new cross-country friends. And they can come to my meets and we can go out for pizza after, but it'll have to be near the cross-country track.
Mike: I'll just say you're not here.
Sue: Okay. [takes a sip of the protein shake and then runs off]

Frankie: Ugh. I don't get it. How does someone get hit by a deer? How is that even possible?
Mike: You think that's bad? I graded Axl's practice test. I was up all night with him studying and he got another D. Which is apparently the new F.
Frankie: That's great. We did our part, we got involved and it didn't make a damn bit of difference.
Mike: You know what? I don't think it's us. I don't think we're lazy parents at all. I think we're good parents and that we got stuck with crappy kids.
Frankie: That's right. It's nature versus nurture. I think more and more that it's nature. Of course, that would sort of be our fault too.
Mike: Hey, stop that. We're good parents, Frankie. We are.
Brick: Uh... School started three hours ago. Are either of you gonna take me?

Sue: Oh... Excuse me. Future teammates. Heh-heh. Hi, Coach Emerson. Sorry I'm late. Chemistry was on the third floor and all those stairs... Whoo!
Coach Emerson: What are you doing here?
Sue: I signed up to be on the team. I'm a fast healer, my jersey size is small.
Coach Emerson: What's with the foot?
Sue: I got hit by a deer.
Coach Emerson: You hit a deer?
Sue: No, I got hit by a deer. See, this deer came out of the woods and... Anyway, the doctor says I should be all good for August when our season starts.
Coach Emerson: Sorry, you're gonna have to make it around the track five times.
Sue: Five times? But that's impossible. I'm already a little chafed and achy under my arms. Can't I just be on the team anyway? My mom said it was no-cut.
Coach Emerson: So you think you can just show up, not do anything? You know what, if you want to be on my team, you gotta make it around the track five times. Feel free to sign up next year if I'm still here. It was nice to meet you.
Sue: [sighs] I had you for math last year.
Coach Emerson: Huh?
Sue: You didn't just meet me. I had you for math last year. I am Sue Heck and I had you for math last year.

Mike: Hey, how did the test go?
Axl: I either rocked it or failed it. Or somewhere in the middle. I can't tell anymore.
Mike: What do you mean you can't tell?
Axl: I can't tell, okay? Now that I know I'm a genius, there's just so much pressure.
Frankie: You studied for one night.
Axl: People burn out, it happens.

Girl: Come on, you can do it, Barb.
All: Barb! Barb! Barb!
Frankie: It's Sue!
All: Sue! Sue! Sue!

Axl: Barb, the finish line's up here. Come on.
Sue: That's okay. I got it. I got it. [crawls]
Brick: Sue, you got it. You can do this. Come on, you got it. You can do this. That was amazing!
Frankie: [v.o.] She did it. Sue did it.
Mike: You okay?
Frankie: [v.o.] Sue finally made something. Sue made the no-cut cross-country team. I've never been more proud of her than I was that day.
Sue: Ooh, ow, ow, ow! Not under the arms.
Mike: Okay, okay, okay.
Sue: [to Coach Emerson] I'll see you in August. [he throws her a jersey]