Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, if we had any chance of impressing this recruiter, we were gonna have to put on a big show, so I sent the kids to borrow a fancy chip platter.
Aunt Edie: And tell her to keep it.
Sue: Oh, no, Aunt Edie. We'll bring it back.
Aunt Edie: What do I need it for? And while Ginny's on the potty, I wanna slip you guys some things.
Brick: But we don't want your stuff, Aunt Edie.
Aunt Edie: Well, you can't take it with you, and at our age, it's not things that make us happy. It's cigarettes and booze. [laughs] Now take a sucky candy before you go. [Brick removes the entire congealed blob of candies]

Aunt Edie: Sue, I'm just so proud of you. I never thought you'd make anything. [removes a note from under her wig] Here's a dollar.
Sue: Thank you!

Frankie: [v.o.] My aunts Ginny and Edie had been smoking and coughing for almost 70 years without considering there might be a connection between the two.
Aunt Edie: Damn arthritis. I'm sorry to bother you, but here it is 6:00 and we can't open our medicine. Oh, and another thing. I failed my driving test today, so you're going to have to help get us around.
Frankie: What?
Aunt Edie: I have a foot appointment Tuesday. And she has get her wheelchair tuned up on Thursday. And while it's there, you will have to carry her around. But don't worry, she's not that heavy anymore.
Frankie: Okay. Hold on, I'm gonna have to write this down.
Aunt Edie: And, dear, could you make me a sandwich?
Frankie: [v.o.] I should have figured this was the way the world worked. Soon as the kids gain a shred of independence, the old folks spring a leak.

Frankie: Aunt Ginny, I am so sorry. I... [the dog is wearing breathing apparatus] It's the dog? The dog has emphysema?
Aunt Edie: [hold a cigarette] Poor Doris. How could this have happened?

Aunt Edie: I was just about ready to start another round of checks.
Mike: Listen, Aunt Edie. There's something we gotta talk about. It's not easy. You've been doing this annual close-out for a long time.
Aunt Edie: I think the work keeps me alive.
Mike: That's nice. But you've earned the right to retire.
Aunt Edie: Thanks, doll. Should we get started on those new checks?
Mike: No. No checks. I'm trying to tell you that we won't be needing you here anymore.
Aunt Edie: Oh, I see. So you wanna do the checks this afternoon then?
Mike: No. No, I don't need you to write the checks. Ever.
Aunt Edie: So from now on, I'll just be balancing the books?
Mike: No. No, no more balancing. No more checks.
Aunt Edie: Well, if I'm not writing checks and not balancing the books, I won't be working for you at all.
Mike: That's right. Exactly. It's time for you to take Ginny and go home.
Aunt Edie: Oh, I don't think you mean that.
Mike: Why don't I?
Aunt Edie: Because if I go home now, the work'll pile up and we'll get behind.

Mike: Edie, you're a great old gal...
Aunt Edie: I think you're cute too.
Mike: Thanks. But the job here is over. No more job. Job done. I'm letting you go. Do you get it?
Aunt Edie: Oh, I get it. I know what it means to be let go.
Mike: You do?
Aunt Edie: Mm-hm. Now, if we continue on this, we are just never gonna get these checks done.
Mike: Aunt Edie, you're fired.
Aunt Edie: Fired?
Mike: Yes.
Aunt Edie: Oh, this is very disappointing.
Mike: What is? Tell me what you think is disappointing.
Aunt Edie: Well, that I'm fired.
Mike: Oh, thank God.
Aunt Edie: Well, should we get started now?
Mike: You know, I think I've actually got those checks pretty much under control, but what I really do need your help with... Management is all over me about getting this puzzle put together.
Aunt Edie: Oh, my. This is a big one. Oh, look at this, I found a corner.
Mike: Good girl.

Reverend Hayver: B-13.
Aunt Edie: And don't forget to stamp the middle square. It's a freebie.
Mike: Mm.
Aunt Edie: [whispers] And if you wanna smoke... [bends down under the table] [coughs] No one will know.
Mike: Thanks for the tip. And the burn in my pants.

Frankie: [v.o.] Let's face it, to teenagers, old people are like alien life forms from a faraway galaxy they don't really want to visit.
Aunt Edie: How are things going in school? You're... You're in... What, the second grade now?
Sue: Uh-huh. Eighth. I'm actually working on a really big science project right now, so that's why we have to leave in a little less than 14 minutes.
Aunt Edie: When I was your age, I used to love school. I remember once we had to do this time capsule. You know, fill it with important things and bury it in the backyard so we could dig it up when we were grown.
Sue: Really? And... And did you? Did you dig it up?
Aunt Edie: Oh. We moved before I could. What a shame. You know, I think of it every day of my life.
Sue: You have? Oh, my God. That's so many days!

Frankie: [v.o.] So Axl and Sue decided, whatever it took, they were gonna help Aunt Edie find that time capsule... And it took a lot.
Axl: Aunt Edie we've driven around this block a million times. Do you see your old house or not?
Aunt Edie: Not. I think we need to go back to Wheeler's Market and make left this time.
[Axl turns the car around]
Aunt Edie: That's it! That's my house!
Axl: That's a taco stand, Aunt Edie.
Aunt Edie: We need to go back to Wheeler's Market and take a left this time.
[Axl turns the car around again]
Sue: Any of these look like your house, Aunt Edie?
Aunt Edie: Look for the boy who brings the ice. He'll know.
[Axl turns the car around again]

Sue: Aunt Edie, are you sure this is the right yard? [Aunt Edie nods]
Axl: How many holes are we gonna be digging here? This is crazy! I found this weird bone. It's either a cat leg or a finger. It's freaking me out. Let's just get out of here before these people get home.
Sue: Axl, we can't stop now! We have come all this way, and why? For Aunt Edie! To give her the one thing in her life she has always dreamed of!
Aunt Edie: Wait! I remember! It was a book.
Axl: You buried a book?
Aunt Edie: No. It was in a Nancy Drew book. She buried a time capsule, and I always thought that I should do it, and I never did.
Axl: I'm digging a lot bigger hole. I'll tell you one case Nancy Drew's not gonna solve!
Man: Who's out there?
Aunt Edie: Ooh, run! Run!
[As Axl and Sue run off, Aunt Edie sprays the homeowner with his own garden hose]