‘A Quarry Story’
Season 6, Episode 11 - Aired January 14, 2015
After Frankie discovers an old, uncashed paycheck from the car lot, Mr. Ehlert makes her work a shift to get paid. When her Spudsy hours are cut back, Mike offers Sue a job cleaning up at the quarry. Meanwhile, Big Mike (John Cullum) asks Axl to help him as he fixes the Hecks' kitchen sink, while Brick discovers the wonders of classic TV game shows.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Mike Heck, come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price is Right.
Mike: Brick, I'm just trying to relax for 10 minutes before my night shift.
Brick: So where you from, Mike?
Mike: I'm from this couch.
Brick: That's my favorite part of the house. Now the game is "Higher Lower." Our first item up for bid is Plum Blossom soy sauce, the soy sauce of emperors. We have this priced at $1.89. Is the actual retail price higher or lower?
Mike: Brick, I'm not... Oh, hell, higher.
Brick: [sighs, imitates buzzer] The actual price of soy sauce is $1.65. But don't worry. You still have a chance to win.
Mike: I already lost.
Brick: Cup-a-Hoosier noodle soup, now with more chicken-like taste! We have it at $3.29.
Sue: Ooh! Lower! Lower! Dad, trust me, I killed it at "Joker's Wild" this morning. [clicks tongue]
Mike: My daughter's saying lower, so I'm gonna go lower.
Brick: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! You go to the showcase showdown! [whispers] Showcase showdown.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: Mike, weren't you just saying that you needed someone to help you at the quarry?
Mike: Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.
Sue: I'll take it. I don't care what it is. I'll do it. [gasps] Do I get a name tag? How 'bout a cubicle? Doesn't matter. I'm in.
Mike: Sue, trust me, you're not even gonna want it. It's... it's cleaning up around the trailers... Mopping, sweeping, throwing out the trash, cleaning the toilet.
Sue: Keep talkin'.
Mike: Look, family working together is a bad idea. [Frankie sighs] You know how I feel about nepotism.
Frankie: [scoffs] You're letting her clean your toilets. You're not giving her a part in your movie.
Sue: Oh, my God, Dad. This would be so perfect. You'll get to see another side of me. I'll get to see another side of you.
Mike: This is no other side of me.
Sue: We could commute together. I'm capable, I'm motivated, and I'm really, really excited. Please, Daddy, please! It would be my honor to clean your toilets.
Mike: [sighs]
Quote from Big Mike
Big Mike: Well, I might have an extra sink in the backyard. Only got 17 at the moment, but I guess I can let one go.
Mike: I appreciate it, Dad. Right now a free sink is about all we can afford.
Quote from Axl
Big Mike: Axl, we're gonna be tearing up the old counters and sink.
Axl: [mouth full] Oh, that's okay. I can turn it louder.
Big Mike: Actually, I meant you and me. We're gonna fix the sink together.
Axl: Oh, okay, Grandpa, no problem.
Frankie: [v.o.] Don't be too impressed. Axl started a lot of jobs like this. But he had a time-tested escape plan.
[flashback to Mike and Axl painting the siding. Axl gets paint on the window and frame.]
Axl: Oh!
Mike: Forget it. I'll just do it.
[flashback to Axl getting the net curtains caught in the vacuum as he vacuums:]
Frankie: Forget it! I'll just do it!
Quote from Axl
Big Mike: We need to take out the appliances, empty the fridge, so we'll have an easier time moving it.
Axl: Sure thing, Grandpa.
[Axl whistles as he pulls a tray out of the refrigerator sending the food crashing to the floor]
Axl: Oh, no! Oh. [blows raspberry] I'm no good at this. Should we forget it and you'll just do it?
Big Mike: That's all right. Clean up that mess and we'll start again.
Axl: Uh... [scoffs] Won't I just be slowing you down?
Big Mike: I got all the time in the world.
Axl: Mm.
Quote from Brick
Frankie: Ugh! God, this place is a mess!
Brick: "Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard was so messy, instead of cleaning it with a broom, she cleaned it with a blank."
Frankie: Not now, Brick. I gotta make lunch for the guys.
Brick: [hums Match Game theme]
Frankie: You know, I'm kind of in the middle...
Brick: Five seconds.
Frankie: I'm not gonna...
Brick: Three... two...
Frankie: Shovel! She cleaned it with a shovel!
Brick: [imitates buzzer] Sorry, Brett Somers said "rake."
Frankie: "Rake"? What was she, drunk?
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: So, listen to this, I was moving the dresser to toast some bread.
Mike: Makes sense.
Frankie: And I found an old paycheck from Ehlert Motors. For... $146.32! [sings] $146...
Mike: Please, I work with Sue now. I've already seen so much dancing today.
Frankie: How crazy lucky are we?
Mike: Well, the same crazy lucky as always. This is void after 90 days. No bank will cash it.
Frankie: Oh, crap. Wait, does this mean I have to go back to Ehlert and ask him to reissue the check? [groans] How badly do we need this money?
Mike: I'm a nighttime cupcake delivery boy.
Frankie: [sighs] Fine.
Quote from Big Mike
Big Mike: It's amazing what you can get done when you put your phone down.
Axl: Can I, uh, get my phone back now or...
Big Mike: Okay, I'm heading home for the night. I gotta soak my foot so I can get it in my shoe tomorrow. We'll drop in the sink in the morning. Got to find another screw like this one. Put in the faucet assembly.
Axl: You, uh, going to the hardware store or...
Big Mike: Why would I buy something we already own? [lifts up a large bucket of screws]
Axl: Mmm.
Big Mike: You find one tonight, we can start first thing.
Axl: [chuckles] What? There's like a thousand screws in there. I gotta go through all that to find one that matches? Aren't screws, like, 3 cents?
Big Mike: That's 3 cents in your pocket.
Quote from Mr. Ehlert
Frankie: So, it's been a while, huh? How you doing, Mr. Ehlert?
Mr. Ehlert: I had a mole the size of Texas frozen off my back, and I'm sitting on a hemorrhoid pillow. How do you think I'm doing?!
Frankie: [chuckles] Well, you look great.
Mr. Ehlert: Down, girl. I'm a married man.
Quote from Sue
Sue: So, Dad... Did you tell Mom how well I'm doing at the quarry?
Mike: She's doing fine.
Sue: Oh, Dad... Stop.
Mike: No, I'm... I'm impressed. Once we got the no singing rule down, it's been good. She's working hard, and the guys enjoy having her there.
Frankie: Sue, look at you!
Sue: I gotta say, I really love working there. And I think the place is shaping up. If I can find a time when nobody's muddy boots are walking through, I am dying to get in there and really get some of those gross stains off the break room floor.
Mike: Well, if you're that excited about it, I can give you the keys. You can go in this weekend.
Sue: [gasps] Oh, do not tease me.